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Message to Readers
I’m looking for some feedback on this one as I’m thinking of doing some further edits - anything at all would be helpful! Is the ending ok?
I like the smooth transition between the people to the metaphor about moths. You describe them as grey dull, indistinguishable. Moths that don't have a long life expectancy and often die in lightbulbs with...well life I guess.
Do these moths apply to all of these dreamers(or just people who impacted people's lives)? Even Martin Luther King Jr., Lincoln, Ghandi, or Mr. Rogers, Albert Einstein, Newton? Or is it the masses to people trying to achieve a difference in volumes like them? Or them all as a whole? There are some colorful butterflies who manage to remembered for a long time (for human life) but er, assassinated or just died. Are these grey suits the "pair of steel limbs"? How else could you describe them? As in like, "following the norm" or something? The "successful" ones? How could you describe them in contrast to the moths? What if you added a powerful quote (it can be a current line or a new) at the beginning. Something that gets your meaning across or peaks readers' interest to understand your point? Perhaps it can also be a point to base your other parts of the poem.
Perhaps their impacts cause a rippling affect overtime by inspiring someone else who makes it farther. I highly doubt they directly focus/actively intend to impact society, but rather their crafts and current enjoyment to it and their life which indirectly affects society and builds up. Even if it's not known publicly I'm sure they affected the people around them. I would say it's like floating now your back. Try to focus on every limb's weight and you sink. But it is just as important to listen to your voice on paper or not.
Either way, I think this piece has potential, but could use more punches.