almost flora kane

United States

my pen name is flora kane. i'm a slytherin, infp-t, christian, and generally insane. joined 3.30.2018.

~ will do reviews on request ~

currently hoping i don't lose anyone else.

Message to Readers

eeeeeeeeee

please, i would like this to happen. and i'm hoping everyone gets their... well, imagined/hoped for situations eventually:)

also, yes, sadie is based on me... oops.

honestly, i'm better when you're around

December 12, 2020

FREE WRITING

10
The clock on the back wall of the cafeteria blinks red numbers, but the girl staring at them only recognizes another twenty minutes before lunch ends. She sits alone in the back of the large room, with a few people congregating at tables around her, though out of sight of most other students. She lays with her head on her arms, debating whether to get up and go somewhere. Anywhere other than right there doing nothing when there’s so much to be done. 

Her head is busy with this, overthinking and hating everything she comes up with. The girl knows where it’s going, veering too close to a breakdown. Don’t cry, she thinks, and wishes that her hair wasn’t braided so tightly against her scalp. It could be a dark brown blanket against the world, but for now, she pushes her face into her arms and tries to breathe. 

She’s dressed simply in a t-shirt and blue jeans, yet feeling uncomfortably exposed as she struggles to keep her composure. The counselor? She wonders for a second while the thought is stamped out in a storm of not wanting to deal with the embarrassment. Crying in front of others is a most hated prospect. Still, it’s plausible that she’s going to have to get over it in a few moments with how tears are welling up in her eyes. In an angry flash of energy she stands, almost ready to throw her phone onto the tile if only to see something break. Realizing quickly what a scene that would make, she throws on her backpack and starts walking slowly. 

Slower, slower, working hard to pretend she doesn’t care about school, about her grades, about anything. She gets past the little school shop, closed at the moment, and turns the corner toward her next class. The girl pauses. To her left, the door to get behind the shop’s counter opens and a teacher - no, a coach - rushes out. It begins closing lazily, mocking her pace. As her vision clouds in an effort not to cry, she slips in the room gracefully. 

In a quick scan of the room, it’s empty and dark, with an odd feeling of calm in the air. A storage closet holding snacks and drinks for sale has the light on, but the door is closed. She’s too tired to care. Finding a corner out of sight she throws her bag next to a chair and sits on the ground. Knees pulled to her chest, she stays quiet while tears start to rub off on her pale wrists. It’s freeing. For a few seconds it is only her, feeling comfortingly alone in tears. 

The idea of being found reminds her, startlingly, to STOP CRYING! in her head until there is only repetition of those words. A stuttering breath means she’s come closer to composure, and-

“Are you okay?” A boy asks her, confusion more than concern laced in his voice. “Should I get someone for you?” The girl snaps her head up to him, utterly mortified at finding company. 

“No, no. I’ll go. I- uh,” She stutters, pushing herself up from the floor, heart racing. “I’m sorry, I’m- sorry.” She grabs her backpack, and moves to throw it onto her shoulders. 

“Sadie, no, you’re fine,” he says quickly, putting a hand out to stop her. “You can stay here if you want, I was just wondering if you were okay.” Sadie takes a breath, letting her hand drop from the backpack.

“I’m okay,” she says after a moment. 

“I don’t believe that.” 

“Why do you care, Aidan?” she snaps. Aidan pauses, dropping his shoulders as he exhales. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Sadie bites her tongue to keep from lashing out, feeling the pressure of his stare on her tear-streaked face and red eyes. She glances backward toward her corner and lowers herself down again. After a minute of awkward silence, Sadie looks up at him again. 

“Are you going to sit down or just stand there looking uncomfortable?” She says with a timid smile. Aidan turns to check the door as if worried to be caught, and goes over to her. As he’s sitting down, mirroring her knees-to-chest position, she tries not to notice how close he is to her. Not touching-close, but close enough to realize how long it had been since she was close to a guy. Close enough to remember how she’d messed it up with someone else. Close enough to laugh and curse herself for being so strange in years past. 

Aidan was her first real crush. In fifth grade she would stare at him in gym class and hope he’d like her back. Sadie couldn’t remember exactly what she’d hoped would happen, really. That’s the joy of a first crush, perhaps, that you don’t know. She wondered if he was thinking about that. About how weird she used to be, and to some extent, still was. She wondered if she was “good enough,” or any other kind of “enough,” in his mind.

“Are you actually okay?” he asks, breaking through her thoughts. “And I mean honestly.” 

“Yes,” Sadie said, responding too quickly. 

“Liar.” is his only reply. She scoffs, glancing over at him. She accidentally catches his eyes staring at her, and they look away quickly. 

His hair, Sadie thinks, in an echo of Fleabag. His nose. 

“Fine,” she says reluctantly. “I’m not okay, but I’m doing better now.” She forces herself to look straight ahead. After a moment, she continues.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?” 

“Everything,” she states while breaking and looking over at him again. This time, when their eyes meet, it’s not so odd. “School, football, work. I mean, you take advanced classes, are at practice all the time, varsity practice nonetheless, and still find the time to work! How do you possibly balance all of that without actually dying?” 

“Is that jealousy I hear?” Aidan says with a smile. “I didn’t come here to talk about me.” 

“And I didn’t invite you to my pity party, yet here you are!” She smiles back. Staring, Sadie wonders how she’s never noticed his brown eyes. Suddenly, they seem to realize what they’re doing. Aidan looks away first. 

“I don’t think you know how much stress there is behind the scenes,” he says, serious about her question. “Though, I also don’t care as much about my grades. I pass, but it’s not perfect.” 

“I wish I could feel that way,” Sadie says after a breath. “Everything is so important in my head, it’s all fighting for attention, and I’m overwhelmed.” 

“School is like that, I get it. Sometime, though, you’ll just have to be okay with not everything being important.” She smiles when she hears him say this, shaking her head and looking up at the ceiling. 

Time passes as they sit, waiting for the bell to ring for fourth period in this dark room. Questions bubble up in Sadie’s head for him, about classes, about this lunch, why was he here in the first place, but she stays silent, enjoying thinking about nothing too serious. She makes a split second decision and pulls the ties from her hair, running her fingers through the braids to relieve her of their tightness. 

Aidan had attracted her so long ago with his hair. Back then, his red-orange hair would lay in a basic mom-made-me-do-it style, and now it seemed as though she’d given up. It practically stands up on his head in messy waves. He runs a hand through his hair as if he knew she was thinking about it. Sadie imagines what he would look like if he had an earring. Even cooler somehow, she thinks, with a dark metal flashing against his skin, similar in shade to her own.

“I’m sorry,” She says without warning, “that I was so weird in elementary school.”

“What?” Aidan asks, shifting to stretch his left leg out, turning further toward her. She notices how his bicep flexes slightly, and quickly curses herself for doing so.

“I, well, I would stare at you. Because… well,” she sighs. “Whatever, I’m sorry.” After a long second, he laughs. It’s a bold, bright laugh that makes her smile even through her confusion. 

“I hope you know I don’t care about that. It was so long ago! I barely remember you from, what, four-fifth grade?” Another sigh escapes her at that, a sigh of relief, and Sadie smiles again. She hopes that the bell malfunctions and doesn’t ring, causing him to sit with her for longer. “I’m glad you mentioned it. We’re being honest today, remember?” She nods. In another few seconds Aidan asks yet another question. 

“If you could get up and do anything right now, what would you do?” 

“That’s general.”

“Well, let’s make it… mostly possible then.” She laughs a little bit, thinking. 

“I guess, well, since we’re being honest… I would want to pretend I had a boyfriend.” She winced, not meeting his eyes. “That’s weird, I know, but I’ve never had that casual hang out thing so many girls seem to do with their boyfriends.” 

“It’s not weird,” Aidan says. “Surprising, maybe. I just thought you were going to say, take a nap or something.” Sadie laughs. 

“Sure, I could use that too. I slept for maybe 5 hours last night? Much less than usual.” She replies. Checking his phone, Aidan nods. 

“Alright, lets go.” He pushes himself up from the floor and sticks his hand out. 

“What?”

“Come on, come home with me,” Sadie’s head spins as she tries to process what he’s saying. “We can do whatever you want, and you can take a nap.”

“No way, I can’t miss a class. And my parents would never let me go.” He shakes his head at her words. 

“It’s not like we’ll be alone, or that we’re truly dating or anything,” he says. “Call them, tell them what you’re dealing with. At least you’ll get out of this stress for a little while.” She scrunches up her nose, tossing the pros and cons in her head for a moment. It’s no question that she wants to go, and that want wins out, along with the intrigue of seeing into his life. Finally, she nods, reaching up and taking Aidan’s hand. He pulls her up with ease. Sadie lets go quickly, worried that her own palms are sweaty, and reaches to call her mom. The bell rings and they wait, the girl with her phone to her ear, and Aidan for a final answer. 

In a couple of minutes, Sadie turns toward him with a smile. 

“Yes?” He asks, and she nods. 

“Yes. I can go.” Aidan smiles then, and motions to the door. 

“Come on then, my mom’s waiting.” He says. She takes a step, and then freezes. “What’s wrong?”

“One question,” Sadie asks, suddenly serious, “are you doing this out of pity?” He immediately starts shaking his head. 

“No,” Aidan says definitively. “Not at all.” They share another look before he walks over and opens the door. “Come on, let’s not keep my mom waiting.” Sadie takes the invitation, biting her lip and giving a small smile. She heads toward the front of the school to leave, Aidan falling into step beside her.
AAAAAAAAAAAAA I wrote so much compared to usual. Thank you guys for all your support, it means so much to me, and I hope you enjoy imagining this story with me. Yes, Aidan is based on a guy I know. Yes, I wish this would happen to me. Yes, there's more to come:) 

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  • December 12, 2020 - 3:28pm (Now Viewing)

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8 Comments
  • mirkat

    fidjsoapskjdvf i want this to happen to me! and oh my i had a heart attack when i read aidan's name because i'm currently crushing on an aidan... wow. ok, so maybe there's hope for me yet if i stumble into a closet at school and aidan walks in.... haha yeah like that would happen. but i love this!


    5 months ago
  • Love, Rose

    this is stunning - wow


    5 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Awww so sweet :D love this!


    5 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: And yeah, I guess I'm doing alright. Emotionally, at least, despite my soup-like physical state.


    5 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! And yay for self-discovery through soup metaphors XD. Although I guess it was less of a metaphor and more remnants of my lunch polluting my poetry. The title was possibly even more random than the rest of the piece so that's cool that it was your favorite part.
    Yeah, it's surprising how many similarities people have that we'd never discover if it weren't for writing. "we're all living parallel heartbreaks / reminding us that our pain isn't unique / but it is special" Maybe my favorite part of the site is that we kind of get to know each other from the inside out. I think there's a Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows word for that but I can't remember it.


    5 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Ack. We all want some form of this or another.
    Also you did not have to call out my first crush like that XD.
    "In fifth grade she would stare at him in gym class and hope he’d like her back. Sadie couldn’t remember exactly what she’d hoped would happen, really. That’s the joy of a first crush, perhaps, that you don’t know."


    5 months ago
  • katnissromanoff

    I love this soooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!! Can you tell me when the next part is out?? Aidan seems like just such an amazing guy, this is seriously such an awesome story.


    5 months ago
  • rwong

    honestly ik this is supposed to be fanciful but AHHHH IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR CHARACTERS!! and also aidan seems so sweet lol i really love how this hits fairly close to home actually, so it's like realistic fiction but literally borderline nonfiction. anyway hope ur doing well <3 <3


    5 months ago