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system of 15
don't perceive me as a human
in a constant state of derealization
winged wolf (pterolycus) therian
pfp made by me
joined september 2019

Nights Like These - Pigeon Pit
00:00 ●━━━━━━─────── 2:01

Message from Writer

"It's alright, it's okay. You're not a monster just human and you made a few mistakes,"
-It's Alright by Mother Mother

"One page of the bible isn't worth a life,"
-The Village by Wrabel

"A hundred bad days makes a hundred good stories and a hundred good stories makes me interesting at parties,"
-100 Bad Days by AJR

"I thought you had me in prison this whole time, but I'm the one holding the key."
-Intro III by NF

"But there's a moment when you realize parents aren't superheroes or villains. They're painfully, unforgivably human. The question is can you forgive them for being human anyway?"
-Dry by Neal Shusterman

"If I wait 'til my tomorrow comes is the waiting all I've ever done?"
-Ben Platt

what do i want to say to my childhood bully? (inspired by beth r.)

December 5, 2020



you weren't really a bully. well, yes, you were, but it wasn't noticeable enough to consider bullying. it was just enough to hurt me.
you called me your friend. in band class you'd trot up to me and say "hi best friend!" in your too-peppy tone. you knew i didn't have many friends. you knew i was quiet. but you would ask and ask about everything, giggling when i answered you in my halting voice. i was unused to talking to people, and you knew it.
as soon as i turned my back you would whisper to your friends about me. you would ask me about my brother, which you knew infuriated me. he doesn't need a stalker like you.
you tried to pull me away from my real friends. you were fake nice to me, but never tried to actually get to know me. i was your prop. your toy. your good deed for the day by talking to the shy kid.
i'm not a good deed. i'm fine being alone.
sometimes i wish you would just outright bully me so i could have a reason to stay away from you. but you put on a show for the teachers to show that you're a good person. it was fake. it was all fake.
you're why i don't trust new friends. you're why i push away others in fear of them being like you. you were the reason i couldn't enjoy class because you would make me anxious. you're why i bottled up my emotions because as soon as i tried to vent to you, you would tell me to "be happier" and say "well my therapist told me to not worry as much" as if your problems were so much worse than mine.
you just wanted attention.
but it was at my expense.
psa: making friends with quiet kids or neurodivergent kids just for the sake of doing something nice is not a good idea. we don't appreciate it, and you should be friends for the person, not the good deed.
inspired by beth r.'s piece


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  • December 5, 2020 - 2:59pm (Now Viewing)

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  • AstroWriter

    Ugh, I hate bullies

    8 months ago
  • beth r.

    re: you're too kind, and why the actual heck have i not been following u thought i was

    8 months ago
  • beth r.

    im gonna throw a shoe at sara
    beautiful writing
    also- wtw therapist? *plops down on that long couch type thing* sign me UP.

    8 months ago
  • Livsnjutare

    ooooo, I'm so, so, so sorry you had to go through that!

    8 months ago
  • Karma’s_Coming

    That is the worst. Especially when the teachers actually buy into it, and that unfortunately happens all too often. Here’s to hoping something like that never happens again, and that maybe someday she gets called out on her behavior.

    8 months ago
  • Shay

    I agree with MPM#1. She needs a knock on the head and I'll gladly give it to her. Fake friends who talk behind your back are the worst. Almost everyone who claimed to be my friend stabbed in the back and mentally bullied me. I understand the pain. I hope she's out of your life

    8 months ago
  • books4life

    I really relate to this, you are not alone! And you seem like a really cool person, so sara is the one missing out! :)

    8 months ago
  • happygiggles (not as active anymore)

    " making friends with quiet kids or neurodivergent kids just for the sake of doing something nice is not a good idea. " SAY IT LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK. Shy kids are not pets, we are people, with real emotions and it bleeping hurts whenever people talk down to us. Just because people are shy doesn't mean they're strange or abnormal, or that talking to them is a good-deed. Sometimes, they just enjoy their own company. It actually sickens me the way shy kids are spoken to sometimes, they're not aliens, they are people. ((:

    Sorry for my little rant. But on a side note, this piece makes me sad. I can't believe you had to go through that, Im sorry my dude ):

    8 months ago
  • that one rat from ratatouille

    i was in your shoes before. having people talk to you out of pity or just because they want to seem like a good person isn't fun and it makes you feel like an object.

    8 months ago
  • Jasmin khawar

    I felt so sorry for you. I know it hurts, fake friends! I can understand. Hope you'll find someone better <3
    I'm also a shy kid, quite mostly. I always had fake friends. But now I found a real one....

    8 months ago
  • AliMuscles04

    Ugh, I had the same problem a couple years ago...

    8 months ago
  • Mpm#1

    Clearly SOMEONE needed to be bonked over the head VERY hard. And CLEARLY it wasn’t you. I’m sorry you had to go through that my dude.

    8 months ago