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est. 10/15/20

"take me with you, finished thing"
"too dizzying to love anywhere
but from a distance"

have an ineffable day!


Message to Readers

okay i've been thinking this over since yesterday and i still have no clue.... i guess when the right girl comes along I'll know? ahhhhhhh


December 4, 2020



legs swing back and forth, feet slap down on the hard asphalt. the heavy breathing follows in your wake. arms pump forward and backward, hair trailing behind you like a kite string. you push and push and pull and try to hang on. faster and faster and faster still.

run for your life, darling. i fear i'm catching up.

sweat dribbles down your carefully sculpted back and i can't look away. i want to reach out and grab you by the waist, pull you into me. i'll softly whisper i won into your ear but i know you will brush me off and chuckle that husky laugh of yours. and it will bounce off the recesses of my mind, over and over and over. a reminder of what i do not know. a reminder of what i crave. and then you'll look back and say i'm not it yet and the game of tag will go on forever.

the background is blury and you're the only one in focus. 

n. the state of not knowing how you really feel about something, which forces you to sift through clues hidden in your behavior, as if you were some other person—noticing a twist of acid in your voice, an obscene amount of effort put into something trifling, or an inexplicable weight on your shoulders that makes it difficult to get out of bed.

first, i've never been in love. second, this is going to sound weird, but i wish i liked girls romantically. i mean i know i like guys (a lot) and i've never had a crush on a girl, but i see the appeal. and i've always known who i was attracted to. that was one thing i could defiantly say i knew for sure about myself. also it's not legit if i've never had a crush on a girl.maybe-now this is so embarrassing and i'm freaking out which doesn't make sense because i'm totally down for being bi or pan or whatever... but i don't know anything, not for sure, and i feel like i have to. okay. deep breathes. 

anyway, when i wrote this i saw a girl. and i was chasing her. and she was running from me. but at the same time i was running from her and she was chasing me. and i have a history of totally overthinking and overanalyzing things, so this is probably just me wanting a close (non romantic) relationship with a girl (which i don't really have rn). long story short, i don't know what's happening...

okay, this was hard for me to write down and think i feel a bit better getting it out of my mind. thank u for sticking with me if u read this far.



See History
  • December 4, 2020 - 4:56pm (Now Viewing)

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  • anemoia by a thread

    kudos to you for writing this and being brave... i love that word from the dos. it's ok not to know and to be in process. <3

    5 months ago
  • ~ carolina ~ {formerly rosi willard}

    reL thank you for the welcome!

    5 months ago
  • lochnessie

    ahhh mir this is absolutely beautiful! i'm not sure what i can say except remember that you have lots of time to figure things out <3

    5 months ago
  • Odysseus

    LOVE this so much. Truly great writing- I'm going to read all of your other pieces literally right now. :)

    5 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    one, everything those other two said :) two, i absolutely love this poem!! it's beautiful. I don't have the time rn to write a proper comment :( but i really do love it. lmk if you ever need to chat :) <3

    5 months ago
  • A blind (young) man

    To quote abby.a- Yooo!
    Honestly I love all this, the poetry, the definition (Where did you find that, it's new to me.) and your footnotes. You're a really sweet person and no one should judge you for how you feel. I can relate, I'm straight but I can see the appeal in some guys and sometimes I... wonder. Like abby said, sexuality is fluid.

    5 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    yoooo i just wanna say that you are totally valid! sexuality is fluid. sometimes theres only one particular girl you're attracted to, and that's just as valid as being attracted to all of them. you don't have to have had a crush on a girl to be legit or anything, and there is NO pressure for you to have everything all figured out. you have decades to do that. i get the struggle, and if you ever need friend, i'm here :)

    5 months ago