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I write because the music of language spoke to me in books and I wanted to make a beautiful noise to answer back -- Lee Martin

Message from Writer

The noblest art is that of making others happy- PT Barnum

Secrete Child of Apollo, Aquarius, 17

In love with Mint Ice cream but all ice cream is greatly appreciated

Favorite TV show is the Umbrella Academy

You are braver than you think, kinder than you seem, and smarter than you know.

Joined 10/5/2020

Music Dust

December 2, 2020


I hate you so much.
Your hourglass figure
Your bold fibers, Your slim neck.
The way you hold yourself
The way I hold you,
You melt against me, bleed into my heart.
OH I can't stand you.
Your need to squeak at imperfection
and laugh at my stumbling fingers
The straight hair that curves just enough
So it smacks me in the face.
Your black chin, eyes dim, small kin.
You small froged, stiff logged, note wad
My god I despise you.
Why do you insist on taunting me?
Can't I call it quits and leave?
Leave you and your despicable ways
Of drawing me in and making me hopeful.
Making me try.
Making me want.
Just to rip it out of my hands as soon as I lay hands on your board.
I touch my cheek to your curves
and lament at the beautiful sound I know you can produce
If only I new how to make it so! 
OH go rot in hell for all I care!
Take your sorry bridge and high and mighty scroll and get out!
How can you lay there expectantly, innocently, and wish me to you?
To pick you up and rock you like a babe once again,
When your own pegs and bow refuse my warm embrace.
Dear god you taunt me with it!
How can you keep doing this to me?
Get out of my head and my heart and my being!
Wash out of my mind and my stomach and my mouth.
Away from my shoulders that once loved to touch your beautiful curves 
Bleed out of the carving of my entire identity!

I hate you so much.
I can't bare to look at you.
To pick you up and cry when your hair brushes your heart strings.
Because the sound you once reserved just for me is - gone.
I can't produce it any longer.
And its killing my spirit.
Its breaking me.
Your letting me hold you and hear you and be with you
But the sounds your making aren't the ones I've come to love.
Your letting me stroke your hair and wind your pegs
wrap warm blankets around your shapely figure
And yet all I've come to feel is resentment.
All I've come to feel is grief.
For the music we used to craft so effortlessly
Now takes more energy and spirit than I can every produce.
More miracles than my fingers can ever hold. 
Why are you doing this?
What have I done wrong?
You've never told me I was ignoring you to often,
I've never told you how hardened you often are. 
And now all I feel when I shoulder you weight.
Is hate and discomfort.
A cumbersome wooden weight filled with splinters and music dust.
Getting in my eyes and up my nose the white dry powdered rests inside my soul.
Next to a picture of the two of us as one. In better times.

So god yes I despise you.
With every fiber in my body.
And I loath you. With every atom of my breath
And I wish fire and flames and splinters upon your stringed figure.
For you've broke me.
In such a way I can barely explain.
You've twisted a stake in my heart when your voice refused
To whisper soft warm secretes in my ear,
and your chin clamped down with any remorse you might feel.
Was I not enough?
Was I ever enough for you?
Was I ever worthy to lay you on my shoulder?
Because right know we are two strangers, sharing a space filled with thin air.
And your presence... it makes it hard to breath.
Because god I want you to talk to me. To be one with me.
And you've turned your back. 
So I turned my back.
I've silenced your sound post
You've fractured my spirit.
You've made me confused. 
Go to hell.
I'm sorry
Get out of my life
I'm sorry.
I don't need you.
I need you.
And I think your thin neck and round chin didn't mean to cause me such pain.
But then why does this bond between us hurt so bad?
OH why must you torture me this way?! 
Why does it break me when your voice and my heart are tearing away form each other?
Why can't I throw you out of my third floor apartment so your fittings fly freely everywhere? 

Its because I will always try to put us back together.
god I hate you. 
No matter the turmoil and grief and sadness and anger you cause you.
The splinters and finger indents and shoulder aches.
I want your voice in my head all day. and your hour glass figure resting in my hands.
Oh how I loath you. 
My spirit drains when my lamenting can't be subdued by your voice
I cry and hurt when it takes too long.
I break each day we don't speak the same language.
But I always try to endure your screeching banshee wailing voice
because I know it can turn into the carmel lyrical beauty I've come to love the taste of.  
So even when it hurts I try.
Because I trust you I try.
Because I want you I try.
Because I love you. I do it.
Even when it breaks my spirit from your constant wailing 
And hurts my hands and my heart for days.
I don't know if I want to live without you
I don't want to breath without you nearby.
I'm shaped by the molding of the two of us together.
A faulty cosmic connection just strong enough to last as long as a star
I'm drawn by your high and mighty scroll, and your tiny pegs and large lashes.
I want to evoke your beautiful voice. My face wet with tears from saying I'm sorry. 
Even when you break me
And you do break me.
I always find a way back to you.
Because your too exotic and precious and beautiful for me to not chase after. 
I fall asleep under the stars and cry
When your crystal spirit turns back to dead wood and varnish. 
But then I try to find you again.
And stroke your hair and kiss your curves.
Resuscitate your vibrant soul-filled sounds if it takes weeks of ventilations from my own life force 
And we start again.
I shoulder your cumbersome weight until it feels like part of me again.
No matter how many screams and wails of pain I utter.
And it does pain me.
I vow to try for us to speak to each other once again. 
To conversate effortlessly. 
Even if it hurts like hell. 
And right now it hurts like hell. 
I try. 
god, I hate you. 


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  • December 2, 2020 - 11:32pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • Starlitskies

    Woah! The emotion in this piece is so raw! Your words are laced with anger and resentment and longing as well! Beautiful!

    10 months ago