crystalline•galaxies

Switzerland

tuffy
she/they
infp-a | 4w5

Message to Readers

a bit of a personal piece. it's also something of a word vomit.

somedays i'm floating and otherdays i'm sinking

November 30, 2020

FREE WRITING

19
some days, i'm floating.
you'd see that as a good thing --
i'm above the ground, soaring above the clouds.
right?
wrong.
i'm slowly lifting away,
untethered to reality 
and
unable to distinguish right from wrong.
it's not as beautiful as you'd think up here;
there's hardly any oxygen,
and i can feel
my lungs
collapsing.
my head spins;
where am i?
who am i?
,,icarus is flying too close to the sun.,,
the sun;
it burns and burns, didn't you know?
my stomach is continually lurching when i look down.
i want to vomit,
but i don't know where my mouth is.

other days, i'm sinking.
that's usually how they describe this, isn't it?
an endless pit
goingandgoingandgoingandgoing
or perhaps an ocean that consumes.
it's not like that.
it's the ground simply opening up and 
pulling
me in.
the shape of my body fits perfectly.
too perfectly.
i can't breathe, but it
isn't like drowning.
when you're drowning,
the water fills your lungs.
this simply deprives you of air.
my lungs aren't collapsing;
they're just moving without breath.
if my heart was a drummer,
it'd be going t o o  f a s t.
the ground is digging my grave.
and i'm still "alive."
 

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  • November 30, 2020 - 12:01pm (Now Viewing)

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16 Comments
  • em wilder

    re: aww, thanks so much!


    3 months ago
  • Future Pseudonym

    Hey there Crys :P I really already loved this piece, but after happening across your conversation with Wisp (bless their heart) about your illnesses (physical and mental), it really assigns a new meaning to it. I truly hope you're doing better and can't wait to see more of your work in the future <3


    3 months ago
  • Wisp

    Replying: Ahhh, I'm so happy that you're doing better physically, at least that'll help alleviate the emotional pain. I can't speak for everyone, but when I'm sick, I know that I'm not in the best head space. And thanks so much for sharing, I know it must be hard--especially with a virtual stranger--and you didn't need to do it, but I'm glad to know you think you can confide in me, even if it's just the little things :)
    I can't give you any hugs in person, but I'm glad my comments at least feel that way! Also, haha, there's no way anyone would notice since I usually don't post stuff like that, but all in all I'm doing alright. Little rough these last few days with going back to school and all, but I can at least handle that. I don't know, my emotions are fluctuating as they please and I have no control over them, but seeing your comments always put me in a good mood and I'm so glad for it :) I just--I can't put it into words if that makes sense? Like I'm not mad or *that* depressed, yet I'm not entirely happy or overjoyed--I'm just here and I'm good with here. I really appreciate the concern, and I won't lie, that helped me sort out the thoughts in my head a little :)


    3 months ago
  • Wisp

    Replying: Oh Athena, no matter how short your pieces are, they always strike so many emotions within me that I need to dive deep within them and uncover it all piece by piece. :')
    Oh gosh, I hope you've at least gotten physically/mentally better? I'm not sure if you're still sick, but hopefully it hasn't gotten any worse? And your self-deprecating positivity, oh Athena, know that I'll do everything in my power to comfort you. Keeping you in my prayers :"')


    3 months ago
  • Samina

    This is so powerful yet so deep and relatable. Lovely formatting like paisley blue said your imagery is beautiful and the icarus like. (Sorry am repeating but it's worth mentioning!) And yes you're poetry is getting mature with time. "my lungs aren't collapsing;
    they're just moving without breath."
    It's one of my new favorite lines of yours.
    Keep Writing! :)
    P.S. ( Also I hope you get okay. Floating and sinking is life. If you need a hand to get out of the grave, blindly ask me for it)


    3 months ago
  • em wilder

    the emotion and formatting and taking this sinking or floating thing and like paisley blue said turning it into something else, something more, how it really feels... amazing! and this is not word vomit!
    re: aww, thank u so much! it really warmed my heart and u r like this genius poetry master person so i was a nice surprise to see ur comment. thank you again! hope u have a great day! <3<3<3


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    wow this is stunning! i love how you twisted the metaphor of flying and falling into something less... obvious, less black and white. wow. your imagery is brilliant and i love the line about icarus! your poetry just keeps getting better and better--i cannot wait to read more!! and the ending--ahh, it took my breath away!! <3333


    3 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    THE BASTILLE REFERENCE! Wait i bet there were more than one...
    This is just heart ache and beauty.


    3 months ago
  • doodleninja

    "my lungs aren't collapsing;
    they're just moving without breath."
    such beautiful, beautiful lines in here! You describe these emotions, these feelings so well, I was caught feeling breathless myself at times. And that last two lines are just so poignant and sharp; love how "alive" is in quotation marks. Stunning work here! :D


    3 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Woah..... AHHHHHHH!! I don’t know how you write such indescribable poems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your descriptions are unearthly and fantastic. Wow. *claps*


    3 months ago
  • Mpm#1

    Wow, this is beautifully done. I love the reference to icarus!! The imagery in this is superb! :) <3


    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    *hugs you* <3


    3 months ago
  • Busssy.Beee

    i can't with this perfect poetry... im awestruck. love this so incredibly much! <3333


    3 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: ahhh thanks tuff :) also forgot to comment on the beauty and clarity of this wow


    3 months ago
  • Wisp

    "when you're drowning,
    the water fills your lungs.
    this simply deprives you of air."
    Ahhh, you're making me cry. This is so powerful and it's just--it leaves me speechless. The emotion is so beautifully told and the rawness and gosh I hope you're alright and getting better and feeling better and are just happy. It's almost like this piece is too personal, but there are just some things that you are destined to read, and I have to say that this is one of them, because it embodies what it means to be "half-living" and I just couldn't have told the story more perfectly than this. Oh, I wish you the best and I hope you know that if you need anything, I'll always be happy to talk Athena.


    3 months ago
  • AJ - Izzy

    <3


    3 months ago