here i am again

here i am again
my words don't flow out in the way they did last summer
they don't write me
i need to write them now

do you want to know why?

because i stopped writing when i stopped hurting
when i got over it
and you wouldn't believe all the things that happened since then
you wouldn't
or maybe, the thing is that you would

i went on
after all the times i didn't want to get up
after i felt worthless
i decided to put on my schooluniform
choose my best skirt
my shortest
because that is what i feel most confident in

i found new ways to do my hair
i started reading new books
new series
i made new friends
i have new goals

and still that heart from last summer is in me
still
when people tell me about him
i laugh and i tell them i don't need to hear
while i carefully listen to every word they say

and that is not bad
 i am in another part of me now

and i am hurting because of other things
i am happy because of other things

but i am here
i am keeping my head up and i am standing tall
hair out of my face and shoulders back

i am here
again