infp-a | 4w5

Message from Writer

"i am made of memories."
-madeline miller, the song of achilles

“for victory is victory, however small, nor is its worth only from what follows from it.”
-j.r.r. tolkien, the children of húrin

"he was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe.
which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.”
-terry pratchett, mort

you've got no choice but to love me.

November 29, 2020


your skin was perfect. 
you were praised and idolized,
and for no reason.
the only reason they loved you
was because of how you looked.
they didn't even know you;
they were just lying to you over and over again.

so i had to ruin you.

it hurt my very soul to shoot those arrows into that smooth skin,
your blood pooling on the ground like a forgotten rose.
you cried out, and my heart crumbled at your pain.
did you even understand?
could you hear the regret
ringing through my veins?
did you see the tears in my eyes
as i did what i knew must be done?

i asked for forgiveness once.

you said no. absolutely not.

i know i didn't deserve you.
i know i didn't deserve those late nights we spent together,
your fingers running through my hair.
i know i didn't deserve to see your smile light up the room. 
i know i didn't deserve anything.
everything you gave me --
your love,
your trust,
your life --
i should've been more careful with.

i left you alone for a little while.
you were starting to heal, 
but you weren't perfect enough for them to adore yet.

you let me in.

your wounds were bleeding again,
but i tended to them.
you cursed me in your sleep,
but i woke you and comforted you.
i was trying so, so hard to make you happy again,
but all i got were insults spat in my face.

but you didn't kick me out.

i never understood it.
you hated me for the pain i had caused you;
you didn't accept my help;
you refused to forgive me when i asked.
so why didn't you just end it all for yourself,
getting rid of the source of your problems?

i've hurt you enough
you need me
i'm harming you by staying
You need me
if i really cared about you, i would leave
You Need Me
i'm not doing anything to help you at all

i built us a paradise apart from the real world;
one where we could live together, away from reality.
nobody else would accept you anyway.
i was the only one who ever loved you,
no matter what you looked like.
i never wanted to hear you say those words, but i suppose they're true.

you've got no choice but to love me.



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  • November 29, 2020 - 1:26pm (Now Viewing)

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  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: I’m happy I can make you feel like your incredible writing is appreciated! I’d love to be notified for anything you don’t mind hearing my long, mostly capital letter comments on! XD And I always love comments, short or long! :)

    6 months ago
  • Wisp

    This idea of a toxic relationship--you form it so beautifully and the different perspective!! Oh my gosh it adds so much depth to the story and it's like I can understand the two of them and I can feel what each one is feeling and it's like watching them come alive in front of me. You shape their tale so lovingly and so beautifully. You can really see how this toxicity is harming the both of them and how it's shaping them into who they are. You can tell how each one has been impacted and how each one chooses to go on. Everything is so well-written and tinted with guilt and bittersweetness. You bring up such deep and profound and painful thoughts and you weave it so intricately in this lovely little tale.
    (Ahhh, I'm so happy, I got to read 3 of your pieces today!!! :))

    6 months ago
  • Alexander :)

    Absolutely beautiful x

    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    This..... I don’t even know if I can find words to accurately tell you how much this piece made me FEEL AND THINK AND LOVE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! The part in italics, I juts can’t take it! Everything was stunning and phenomenal! If you write more, please notify me!

    6 months ago
  • kai blue


    6 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    WOAHHH i love the second perspective.... so beautiful. a really moving piece. well done <33

    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh my gosh Tuffy you didn't... except you did and I love it. I feel nauseous in a good way?? Because this hurts beautifully??

    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Wow... just as beautiful and vivid and emotional as the first one!!! :))

    6 months ago