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Message to Readers
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW OR COMMENT. Thanks :)
This piece was spectacular. I was literally speechless when I finished reading, and in all actuality, very close to tears. The essay structure - traumatic events listed in chronological order - really built up the distress and tension, and your concise, but powerful prose conveyed this perfectly. I felt like I was sitting next to you and feeling your emotions.
You do an amazing job describing these emotional events in your life, and how your tightly-constructed walls against feeling those strong emotions crumbled in the end. I'd love to see you expand that personal analysis/reflection - you mention your fear of losing everything, your uncertainty about the world around you, your wish to just go back to a time when things were easier. These are all amazingly written paragraphs, and eloquently expressed emotions, and I'd love to see them condensed and combined into a singular message. What do you want readers to remember, once they've finished reading your essay? What is your primary message to your readers?
As in the previous section, it would be great if you could strengthen your overall message, making it more tangible and leaving readers with something to learn from. One way to accomplish this is to leave a trail in your conclusion. Your ending was so powerful, and I think it has an even greater potential if you could add a final reflection on your emotional journey this year. Apart from strengthening the ending, this would help tie your entire essay together and make it even more impactful.
Personal narratives are some of the hardest things ever to write, and I think that writing one equates to putting a piece of yourself out on the page. And to publish that piece of yourself is something utterly courageous. You've written such a compelling and powerful essay, and I highly commend you for that. Keep striving, keep writing! My heart goes out to you and your family.
If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to reach out to me - I'll be happy to help. :3