Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
PLEASE REVIEW!!! THANKS
Your piece is heartbreakingly beautiful and you've laced so much emotion in it. It just tugs at the readers heartstrings. It was clever of you to not present everything that happened this year in a long narration and instead, use four key situations. Your 'May 2020' part is very well written. Beautiful and powerful.
I think you could deepen the first scene a bit more (April 2020) Engage the readers senses. What did the chili smell like? What did you hear? Was you mother humming as she worked? Birds in the background? Even with the hospital scene, tell us what the hospital smelled like.
You nailed your ending with that one single line which connects to the opening of your piece. But, I found the lead up rather confusing. You're singing that you want your mother and grandma to comfort you but only your mothers in the room. I don't mean to be insensitive but it's not clear what happened to your grandma. I'm so sorry if she passed away. :( I'm not asking you to directly state anything. Maybe just one more hint would clear that doubt.
Your work definitely has so much more potential. I love how the narration is held up by three pivotal moments. Good job in picking those three! You portray emotion through your words so well. It's raw and really affects the reader.
Your piece is amazing! Please keep in mind that these are just my suggestions and you should make changes as you please. I'd love to read your next draft as well and if you have any questions feel free to reach out. Best of luck! :)
P.S. - I hope you and your family are doing well. Stay strong! <3