infp-a | 4w5

Message from Writer

"i am made of memories."
-madeline miller, the song of achilles

“for victory is victory, however small, nor is its worth only from what follows from it.”
-j.r.r. tolkien, the children of húrin

"he was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe.
which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.”
-terry pratchett, mort

i've got no choice but to love you.

November 28, 2020


my skin was perfect.
smooth, unmarked and unblemished,
soft to the touch and pleasing to the eye.
i was admired,
i had it all.

you just had to ruin me, didn't you?

you just had to shoot those words at me,
silver daggers glinting in the sun of your hatred.
were you jealous?
did you relish in my blood
staining your hands?
did you laugh mirthlessly, 
finding delight in the ugly crimson scars
forming obscene words on my once-beautiful features?

you asked for forgiveness once.

i can't even remember what i said.

you didn't deserve my attention.
you didn't deserve the love i had once given you.
you didn't deserve the strokes of admiration i left with my fingertips,
flowing through your hair. 
you didn't deserve to own that little section of my heart,
and yet you did. 
you occupied my mind,
my dreams,
my everything.
you still didn't deserve me.

i had just stitched up those wounds.
black thread making criss-cross shapes through the gashes.
and you came back.

stupidly, i let you in.

now, the wounds are ripped back open,
continuously bleeding and bleeding.
you help me bandage them up,
but they never heal underneath your touch.
i want to forget you,
throw you out of my life and never see your worthless face again.

but i can't.

i can't live without the way your eyes crinkle when you smile,
even if it's at my expense.
i can't live without your arms around my body,
even when you're strangling me.
your fingers gently run down my wrists and i find pleasure in it,
even though i know you're doing it to keep me captive.

i want you to stop holding me down
i need you
let me go on my own
I need you
tomorrow will be the last day i put up with this
I Need You
one more chance, just one more chance to make things right

great work. you've managed to isolate us.
everyone but you hates me because of my wounds.
there was a choice, once upon a time.
but i suppose that's gone now.
i'll say what i say to you every day,
because isn't it what you want?

i've got no choice but to love you.


See History
  • November 28, 2020 - 11:12am (Now Viewing)

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  • Wisp

    Replying: Sweetie, dearie, hon (yes, it is a thing now), oh my gosh haha I was honestly thinking that as I wrote the overdramatized comment. No matter how true it is, I will not lie that it is indeed sappy and stuff ;))
    Aww, that's just so darling. And the same for me too, I wouldn't trade this feeling of community I have here for the world.
    And dearie, I've been thinking, but do you want to chat via some other way? There's no pressure at all if you don't want to and I'll totally understand. I know how odd and strange it is, but I just thought to extend the offer if you'd want of course. But do not worry if you don't in regards to your own safety and all, I'll understand absolutely wholeheartedly!

    5 months ago
  • Wisp

    Replying: Aww, I'm so glad it made you smile this morning! I agree with you too! Every time I see you pop up in my notifications, I just can't help but feel a smile spread across my face. And of course dearest Athena, you are welcome. You deserve every kind thing said to you and every appreciation you've ever received :)

    6 months ago
  • Wisp

    Ahh, with the message to readers being about "The Lliad," my mind can't help but think of this piece as an embodiment of Greek mythology. Perhaps even Hera?? Because she is powerful, but then Zeus married her, and as you say, she's got no choice but to love him.
    Anyways! This whole piece is divinity at its finest and I love the story you've told with the idea of holding onto something you know is bad for you. Like this push/pull/tug of war of emotions, one with everything you want and one with everything you need. And the transformation and back and forth in the 12th stanza was just so intricately and beautifully written that I could feel the desperation and rawness in the narrative. This piece has so much to pick apart and read and experience. It's just so lovely.

    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Woah........ MOREEEE PLEASE! What about a second or third person perspective?! AH!

    6 months ago
  • anemoia by a thread

    oops, commented that twice

    6 months ago
  • anemoia by a thread

    re: oh, np. totally get it. the internet can be shady. i know it depends on the person.
    and yes... when the inspiration strikes, it's incredible. when it doesn't... well, not as incredible.

    6 months ago
  • anemoia by a thread

    re: oh, np. totally get it. the internet can be shady. i know it depends on the person.
    and yes... when the inspiration strikes, it's incredible. when it doesn't... well, not as incredible.

    6 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: mwahh thank you

    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: You're welcome. No pressure about the whole competition thing. Good on you for knowing what you want.

    6 months ago
  • anemoia by a thread

    Re: aw, thanks! i can't help it; words are everywhere for me. so you live in switzerland now? (not trying to be creepy, just curious.) wow, i've always wanted to visit there. it seems so beautiful and pure. i have this vision in my head of frolicking through mountainous clearings... maybe yodeling? XD

    6 months ago
  • anemoia by a thread

    Re: wow, really? wait... your account says switzerland, so i assume that's a joke? i know one person was down as antarctica.
    but yes, i feel so alive in the southwest! and i see Blue Jay also loves it out there? we visited torrey and boulder area this summer (not the first time, but the first time we explored a lot) and that drive from boulder to torrey is my favorite drive i've ever been on. seriously, i would do that every day in the summer. i know it's impassable in the winter, but still. i just love the mountains and the desert, and you get both in that area. high mountain desert, i guess you'd call it. you can go from sandstone and red rock and endless sand and juniper and sagebrush to grassy clearings, snow, lakes, butterflies, aspens, and evergreens in a few thousand feet.

    6 months ago
  • lochnessie

    whOAH tuff this is brilliant!!!!!!!!
    i need to start doing that revision work
    just going to reread it once more...

    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Okay but I'm so happy that this piece is getting the love it deserves and I feel unjustifiably proud of you. Have you considered entering this into a big writing competition like the Scholastic Art and Writing Awards? I'm sure it would do really well. (and if you're concerned about name anonymity/using the name you like best, you can enter under whatever name you like)

    6 months ago
  • WordsSpeakLouder

    I don't know if this is nonfiction or not- either way, your writing is beautiful- but if it is I hope you are able to cut this person out of your life.

    6 months ago
  • Blue Jay

    UTAH! Sorry I love Utah too (kinda biased cause I live here, but still.) Torrey is a nice little town

    6 months ago
  • anemoia by a thread

    Re: you're welcome! oh you love utah too?! we go to the southwest usually twice a year, and i just love it. i want to live in torrey, ut someday. i do love moab also, but it's super touristy now.

    6 months ago
  • Deleted User

    Whoa... Talk about thick!! This really shows so much emotion! Beautiful job on this :)

    6 months ago
  • Ren(hiatus)

    Oh my God! This is so full of emotion and I just can't express how much I love this, this is such a beautiful poem.

    6 months ago
  • anemoia by a thread

    oh my. aching and painful. if this really happened... i am so sorry. we've got your back. also, what's your pfp? it kinda looks like delicate arch in arches nat'l park in utah, in the us, but i can't tell for sure.

    6 months ago
  • Lata.B

    I- this is so beautiful! I can't even explain it. wow! I loved every line!

    6 months ago
  • kai blue


    6 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    woAHHHH... typically a character starts out stereotypically 'non-perfect' and then meets someone and 'becomes perfect' (for lack of better term) but i love how here you did... the opposite of that. so powerful.

    6 months ago
  • ~timestamp~

    how do you only have 63 followers?
    this is amazing

    6 months ago
  • psithurism

    Ahhhh! Your work always knocks the breath out of me!

    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh my gosh. I'm completely shellshocked. This is so agonizing, so real. If you've lived this, I'm sorry. Humanity should have been better to you.

    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Woah.... beautiful!! :)) I love your poetry... the repetition in the middle is amazing. Wow I love this <33

    6 months ago