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I enjoy reading and been doing this as my past time a lot.
Love cooking, and learning in general. But I am not overly fond of school.

Message to Readers

Final draft. Let me know some things I could implement next time I rewrite this (even after the competition.)

Another Community Another World

December 8, 2020

"Video games are a waste of time," someone says. A dark oily feel slinks at the pit of my stomach whenever I'd hear video games contributing to the depression spike. It has a correlation to the spike, but the causes of it feels neglected. In the Age of Information, internet and video games are everywhere. It probes many people's hearts; myself included. 

     Looking back, if there's one good thing about having older brothers; it's a free game console. I'd first been introduced to Minecraft by my brothers around age six. Even before I started playing I'd watch them play. I was, and still am a curious child. 
     Before I ever knew video games, I'd ran across the living room's soft, beige carpet. Above me, two large rectangular pieces rose up about forty-five degrees and formed a triangular roof. It's lonely to be surrounded by people older than me; even though I love them. On the other hand, I'd listen to snippets of conversations, piece them together, and ask questions. I was very talkative.     
     At 7:00 in the morning, I'd wake up and play Minecraft. I played in creative mode, and constructed ugly buildings. I loved it. Torches crackled on every block I could possibly place—that I would've suffocated from the fumes produced if it were in real life. I had no sense of windows, and there was little lighting sources at the time. I'd construct towering, rectangular libraries, and dabbled with Minecraft's  electricity—redstone—from YouTube. Every piece—the character I wore to the smallest detail of wood—was cubical or square, and everything was a reflection of this world. Some youtubers would go as far as representing history in block form as well. Roman cities, grand medieval castles, and Greek cities. Sometimes they used them for roleplay, others for fun. It's like simulating Romulus who built Rome. Not in a day, but gradually. Hours would be like minutes, and minutes would be seconds. There wasn't a trace of self-consciousness; I was in a different world. It was liberating, and I didn't know why. 
     I don't think I'd know life without youtube. I was enchanted by Minecraft's charisma and YouTube and its Let's plays. It was how I found out I loved stories, but I wasn't book invested. That wasn't until age eleven.  
      I was about nine or ten when I actually played ROBLOX. I was reluctant even after I stumbled across it on YouTube.
      It was new. I was anxious, but a rush of euphoria doused me. I didn't have anyone to share my ugly creations in Minecraft other than my family. They saw it anyway since I played in the main room. Either way, I knew ROBLOX is a kid's game and I was lonely since I was too serious about education.
       To some subconscious level, I was scared of growing up, and still am. The responsibilities, although unspecific, I knew I would soon face as I grew. The daunting aura to nevermore feel the same touch of freedom at present. And who wouldn't when you see your brother getting into trouble over grades, revoked gaming privileges, and your mother stressed?  
        Oddly enough, I tried  "growing up". By the time I was expected, it would be an easier transition, according to my logic. I connected grades to success; therefore, my main priority. In short-term, it worked, I was an A'cer, and my parents needn't worry about me academically, but I was walking on eggshells. One work before due date after the another, so I can have more free time...to do more work. I had adopted an all for nothing streak. I had pushed away the candies of primary school. Sometimes I feel like I didn't appreciate middle school enough. I got a good record but it was strangling my creativity and social life. So in my times of stress, I took to Youtube and tried ROBLOX after school.
         The beginning was shaky, I observed the community and how it acted. A lot of my peers were just as young as me. Throughout my years on the LEGO game, I sought out more community-based games or groups than I did tycoons or parkour. There were cafes, schools, military, history-based—it was a port city for games. Gamers were game developers and merchants, and then there was just gamers. I didn't actually join a group until months into it. Then I quit ROBLOX after it started wearing thin. But I'd always come back for some reason. A total of three, now four, times I quit. Every time a new me would show up.
         The second time I came back I was touched by a book series The Heroes of Olympus. It had Roman culture in the mix of the Greek modern-fantasy series. I searched for a Roman Empire group. Turned out there were hundreds. I skipped from one game to another before settling on one. I didn't know a thing going on, but one guy was very patient. In summary, I was encouraged to learn a little about Roman culture from the internet to understand every reference. It lasted for as long as it did; my enjoyment was a breath of minty air and only a breath. Eventually I stopped playing ROBLOX again; though an echo of me sings for it.
     The most recent ROBLOX community I was in was a medieval game I found my first time around. Now there was a small faction created by one of its developers. I left it about six or more months ago. The faction had to be the highlight of all times. I was one of the active ones because I loved the thrill hanging out with the group brought. Two-three others always came back too. We'd sometimes bump into eachother when our leader didn't rally us.
    When I must head to bed, I'd always wait giddily for next time. But on quiet nights I wondered why I kept coming back. Why haven't I left like I did Minecraft? Every time I came back to ROBLOX, and every time I left, was a buoy bobbing up and down.
    On occasional nights we'd get six people in the game playing team battles; it was a cool, refreshing gulp of ambrosia. Then, one of our active members broke away and we were incomplete. We had battles with his faction a few times, but we were on opposite sides of a gaping chasm despite being a game.
    After I stepped back, it struck me I've sought out not colorful communities, but the people in it. Although Minecraft allows me the freedom to break physics and all laws—there was no one to share to. This one was neither too big of a community, nor too small. It was bite-sized for me that it felt like a social group instead of an empire or service. But I felt adrift in the real world as I invested in the Gaming.
     I wasn't confident outside the internet socially. It was how I realized that the Gaming World is many people's Real World, and they're lodged between the Real World, and the Real World. There is a great price for a great community: time. The universe's limited currency. Best not to spend it all in one place. I think I went a little over budget, but that's alright because it's an experience I enjoyed. And I will try trying new things and keep doing. Write the World is my first step.
1236 words. I hold a newfound deep respect for nonfiction writers. It's very difficult to construct specific points and be under word limit. I'm getting tired and the contest ends today. There's no way I'm going to back down turning it in despite likely getting disqualified because I promised myself I'd try different genres and participate in competitions. 

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1 Comment
  • Cosmogyral

    Re: You are WONDERFUL!!! Your comments made me so happy! I'm amazed at how far back you went before I'd even settled my bones into the collection. You're interpretation of the stars as metaphors for certain feelings are so close to my original intention of the metaphor. But I never use the stars in place of a person. The collection is an anthology to...cosmic romance, I've heard it been called. The narrator, they feel no need for superficial things as those feelings, yet they hurt and will continue to be hurt, because they will relieve the pain of someone so distraught, yet the person being healed always walks away from them... That's all I can really hint at, but your continuous support makes the collection worth continuing!

    Re;re: I feel like you've gone and dug up some cringy past with how far back you've gone, lamo. <3

    3 months ago