United States

i still dream of you

est. 26.9.19

Message to Readers

I've never hated a piece with my being as much as this.
But alas I needed to write something and this all that came to mind, indulge in this forsaken piece.

drinking bleach

November 21, 2020




eighteen with nowhere to go and you're stuck in bars,
drowning sorrows away in alcohol, and the local college kids 
avoid you like some disease, while you're picking fights 
with the local homeless men; after all the taste of blood 
is the only thing sweet in your life
and they break you down with their no sir, yes sir 
and no ma'am, yes ma'am until you're this high school dropout 
living on the streets and going day by day on leftovers from 
the town dumpster. fighting with the rats for just a bite of food, 
and that's your family now, cold air and the squealing alley 
animals that hiss and bite at you. 
psycho is your namesake now, and you wear it with the cover of 
grief, the person you once were eroded away with the times of humanity, 
you no longer belong, and you no longer exist, you are just a 
fragment of a lifetime ago, and who are you to say that what is now 
is what is reality? you threw that away lifetimes ago. 
and you watched movies when you were a child, movies with that 
restart button, and where is yours? where is your restart button? 
why can life keep continuing when you're here struggling to survive 
each day, where is your chance for a better life? and you're thinking 
this and eyeing the way your reflection screams back at you. 
who are you? 
forever ago and a lifetime away--and goodbye.
Nulla means none in Latin. 


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  • November 21, 2020 - 6:17pm (Now Viewing)

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  • BlueWolf (Semi Hiatus)

    Re: :)

    5 months ago
  • BlueWolf (Semi Hiatus)

    Re: Thank you so much!!! I really appreciated your comment it just made my day! You are so nice!
    You work is just magical and I am proud to be one of your many followers! I'm so glad my comments were helpful. You are such a talented writer! Always be proud of your writing it is always fantastic! Congrats on 109!!! That is a HUGE milestone!!! Cheers to many more followers and more milestones!!!!

    5 months ago
  • BlueWolf (Semi Hiatus)

    It feels too real. I love this piece/ I want my reset button and to be able hide under my covers to hide from the monsters of life. The depth and emotion hit me hard. Amazing job!

    5 months ago
  • AstroWriter

    I- )_(

    5 months ago
  • ChimChim_1

    No words could tell how I am feeling after reading this :3

    5 months ago
  • sci-Fi

    I think I'm just echoing what everyone else said already, but seriously, the emotion and the depth omg. You hate this piece???? I love it.

    5 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    re: thank you so much! by the way, it's fine if you call me athena. i think it's kind of cool.

    6 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    re: yes, it's just the symptoms right now -- i'm getting tested tomorrow, so we'll see from there. thank you for your concern! i'm so glad you liked the piece, too!

    6 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    oh my goodness, i'm in love with your imagery and the timeline of this piece. it's so vivid and impactful. and that last line? can we talk about the last line? it's so ominous! the "nulla" as well... it's all just so good.

    6 months ago
  • doodleninja

    the raw angst is this is intoxicating in itself XD I love this, I love the blatant gritty, edgy tones, I love the simplicity of it. Wonderful job!

    6 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    "after all the taste of blood / is the only thing sweet in your life" well damn that's brilliant. i feel like anlee has summarized all my thoughts, but even if u hate this, i love it.

    6 months ago
  • Anlee

    I loved how you wrote this reverse, from iv to iii to ii to i and ended with the comment about the restart button. Made me wonder about my life choices and wishes to go back in time and redo mistakes.
    “after all the taste of blood
    is the only thing sweet in your life” the sensory details are so stunning
    And the ending
    "who are you?
    forever ago and a lifetime away--and goodbye."
    gave me chills. i know you said you dislike this, but it's truly a masterpiece~

    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    1st of all, wow, i love the imagery, the pain, the emotion in this. the title adds so much, truly amazing. you are a stunning poet <3
    2nd, thank you SO MUCH for your support, it means the world to me! This community has helped me grow so much, and i wouldn't be who i am without you. I'm blessed to share this part of my life with all of you. <333

    6 months ago