almost flora kane

United States

my pen name is flora kane. i'm a slytherin, infp-t, christian, and generally insane. joined 3.30.2018.

~ will do reviews on request ~

new series: all we see (blackout poetry of the book "all the light we cannot see." updates every day?)

Message to Readers

footnotes pleases <3

this is what perfection really feels like. (EDITED, please tell me if you like the new ending)

November 18, 2020

FREE WRITING

7
making excuses not to  s t a r t. 
procrastinator before anything, 
always at heart 
afraid of the finish line,
or the lack of one. 

they say “nobody’s perfect,”
and i want to prove them wrong. 
nobody’s perfect, it’s an impossibility, 
but as my heart beats 
one-two, one-two, 
i will, i will
 
nothing is farther from the truth. 

they say: 
you can do anything if you believe in yourself. 
well, the first thing i wanted to do was be a fairy, 
the second was to be perfect
and no matter what i promise to
fix everything all at once
i’m thrown further and further 
down 
the rabbit hole 
where magic isn’t real and 
neither is perfection. 

i break my nails clawing on the edges of--- 
dirt crashing down from the sides of the well
i bury myself alive in the 
“i’m not good enough”s 
and it breaks my heart over and over again. 

in truth, it's only me. 
fading out accomplishments for failures 
while my far fetched fantasies
play out on a vhs tape. 
my mirror mirror on the wall tells me 
i’m not the fairest of them all, 
instead, 
the reigning evil of my fairytale. 

i don’t want to get out of bed
to be a dictator. 
so i sleep in… just five more minutes. 
for once i dreamed of leading a rebellion
my past hallucinations of perfection tries
to take back power.
looking at the time,
i can’t stop repeating 
“why can’t you do one thing right?”
but the idea of stepping out into 
the sunlight gives me steady breaths,
one-two, one-two,
it’s okay, it’s alright.

and i realize,
on the other side, 
there is another side,
that the worst mistake of my life was trusting a vicious cycle.

it hurts to turn
away as the light
dies. liar,  
the blood in my head pounds,
i’m upside down.
shards and pebbles are falling
out of my pockets
all the things i trusted without truth 
but i don’t want to hold on to 
what’s holding me down anymore.

“i’m good enough,” 
i whisper. 
this time, 
i believed it.


~f
big thanks to mirkat for her review:) i tried to make it a bit happier but i really hate the second to last stanza so please tell me if i should keep it or try to rewrite it... feedback is super helpful at this point! thank you all.

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  • November 18, 2020 - 9:37am (Now Viewing)

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3 Comments
  • Lata.B

    This is- um- so so so sooo perfect! Wow!


    3 months ago
  • books4life

    this hit really deep, stunning!! :)


    3 months ago
  • doodleninja

    I think the second to last stanza is great! It acts as a transition to the happier, more positive last stanza, since you end it with "but i don’t want to hold on to / what’s holding me down anymore." (LOVE that line by the way XD)
    It showcases letting go of things weighing you down; the imagery of "shards and pebbles" falling out of your pockets is AMAZING.
    Still in love with this piece! :) <3


    3 months ago