sci-Fi

United States

call me Fi :)
Black and LGBTQ+ Lives Matter
Feminist
~pink~purple~blue~
she/they
Aries INFP-A Fangirl ;D

Message to Readers

yeah no, i didn't even reread this. ignore any typos and spelling :)

please dad, I need you on this continent

November 18, 2020

FREE WRITING

20
I have these memories of you, Dad. They're fuzzy and gold-tinted, the rays of the sun much sharper than reality, the background indistinct and unimportant. Somehow I recollect things through other people's eyes, so when I remember you throwing my high up into the air as a toddler, it's from the side, not my own eyes. When I remember how you carried me to bed every night, when you would tease me by holding my body high over the mattress, not dropping me until I was positively screaming with anticipation, I remember it as though there was a secret camera across from us, recording the scene to be stored in my memory. I do have some visions from my own point of view, most of them being my preschool days. You would drop me off at the playground and I would sprint to the fence, waiting however long until I saw the old green Subaru drive off. And every time you would twist around in the drivers seat just to wave goodbye. 

So why, Dad, don't you bother to say goodbye now? Why do you spend months half way around the world, only sending a half-hearted "Hi, Fi!" every week or so? Is it that hard to connect with your daughter, now that she's grown up? You and Mom never treated me like the stereotypical "girl", did you? Neither of you made me wear pink tutus or play with Barbie dolls. You never called me "princess" or "sweetheart" or referred to me as "my little girl". You had that other name for me, the one that's just a sound you made up one day, and chose as my pet name. You still call me that. You still use your baby voice around me, you still keep things close that I can now understand. My question is, why are you still thinking of me as a baby when were both completely different from when I actually was one?

You were my hero, dad. You were the big strong man who I would hide behind when the monsters came, who gave me my own personality and let me be myself. When I picture who you were I see the young father with floppy brown hair pulling a soil-caked carrot out of the ground; he's so proud of himself, his daughter, for making something grow. When I picture you now, I see an old man sitting alone in an empty apartment, watching mindless TV because apparently you like that now. 

I love you Dad. Please come back to me.

 
inspired by dad, can u hold me like u did when i was little? i need that right now. by Dmoral, and daddy, i'm not your little girl anymore. by Wisp. 

"hey guys, I'm really sad!"
- that one vine
No not really. Just having a hard few days. I'm good, we're all good ;)

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  • November 18, 2020 - 10:20pm (Now Viewing)

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23 Comments
  • Dmoral

    heartbreakingly beautiful and it's almost like you painted your relationship/bond with your fingertips brushed up against the screen coming in this form of long prose beauty and i absolutely adore it


    6 months ago
  • ava09 (sorta back)

    aw fam you're gonna make me cry. :( this is heartbreaking, and well written and simply stunning. sending loads of hugs. <3
    replying: thank you so much!! same offer extends to you if you ever need - you're the best. <3 <3


    6 months ago
  • Bhavya's Treasure

    That's so moving and engaging! For daughters, fathers are their superheroes. And indeed, we're all good. :)
    Sending warm hugs your way, Fi(fi)!


    6 months ago
  • SunV

    I'm so glad you like my Enneagram piece! I published a part 2, and I would love if you could check it out!

    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/191995/version/392800


    6 months ago
  • Rose A(hiatus)

    Replying: Yep. I guess that's the legal age in my state. I'm surprised too. One day my mom's boss is like, "Do you want a job? I'm serious." And I'm like, "Haha, sure." We did the research, and here we are. I basically already work there, I'd just be getting paid now.


    6 months ago
  • Rose A(hiatus)

    Hope everything stays good for you! I haven't read the original pieces, but I know about them. I love your take on the prompt!
    Re: Thxs. I work as a(hold on while I remember the name of my role) program assistant at a distance learning center fun by a local organization. Of course, I don't officially work there yet. School has been... it's been a struggle. So, gotta get my grades up first. It's going to be reallyyyyyyy weird working there though because my family works there too.


    6 months ago
  • queenie

    ana + quinn (3) is out

    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/203504/version/417886

    also this piece pierced my feels. it's so wonderfully written.
    sending love and good feels ur way.


    6 months ago
  • queenie

    ana + quinn (2)
    is out!

    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/203480/version/417306


    6 months ago
  • that one rat from ratatouille

    hey loser i’m gonna see you on saturday. i miss your stupid face :P


    6 months ago
  • AccountA

    this is super good! i've reread over and over


    6 months ago
  • AccountA

    but i didn't want to cry today...........


    6 months ago
  • CrazyNinjaKid

    this is really sad aw, i am re-reading this again


    6 months ago
  • Dmoral

    "You were my hero, dad"
    has me crying and oh boy, i'll be back when i can properly comment


    6 months ago
  • Wisp

    The emotion in this is astounding and the title itself made me cry a little--I can't imagine being away from my dad for that long. There's a raw eloquence that helps the piece flow so soothingly and illuminates the emotions just as well. You portrayed this so beautifully and I wish you the best to you and your father!
    Also, thank you so much for the mention! It really warms my heart to know I was a part of the inspiration behind a magnificent piece such as this :)


    6 months ago
  • lochnessie

    relate.
    <3


    6 months ago
  • midnight.summerrose

    Re: thank you so much!! :)


    6 months ago
  • midnight.summerrose

    Wow!! This is heartbreaking and beautiful!! :)


    6 months ago
  • doodleninja

    I love all the little specific special moments you wrote about here, it only makes the whole piece that much more bittersweet. Lovely writing as always! :) <3


    6 months ago
  • anemoia by a thread

    sending hugs and love and an abundance of baked goods your way. or whatever your comfort food is. ;) whether this echoes truth for you or not, i don't know, but i know it does for someone. keep touching the souls of others. <3


    6 months ago
  • Just_A_Memory

    This is so..... GAH! I'm glad I live in a solid family. I'll forever be grateful for that. This piece really puts into reality how sad it is. Families breaking apart. Beautiful <3


    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: thank you so much!!!!


    6 months ago
  • rwong

    this is so heartbreaking :( i'm really sorry. writing wise i mean it's beautifully written <3 sending all my love and hugs and i hope they reach you <3 <3 <3


    6 months ago
  • SunV

    I don't know if this is true or not, but if it is, I am so sorry :( Maintaining relationships can be hard, and honestly, I try not to get too close to anyone, so that I don't get heartbroken when they leave. It's not the right thing to do. Stay strong, we're all here for you. Sending virtual hugs and a bunch of motivational quotes and songs <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3


    6 months ago