Wisp

United States

i still dream of you

est. 26.9.19

Message to Readers

Really just internal thoughts that keep me awake until midnight.

daddy, i'm not your little girl anymore.

November 19, 2020

FREE WRITING

35

"goodnight my little princess"

and it begins with/what do you want to be when you grow up/at the age of five/when they should really be asking/what do you love to do/and it's suffocating when you tell them you love to write/and your mother tells you at the young age of five/that a job in writing isn't feasible/and it tears something apart inside of you/when your father is telling his customer you want to be an author/but you have already discarded those dreams for someone else's/and it is their dream you're living/when you say you want to get a PhD/and you want to be a pediatrician/

"i want a hug" 

and it's/i'm only in 6th grade mom/and/i'm only in middle school mom/and/i'm only a freshman mom/and finally it's/i'm a sophomore now/and it's crashing down on you when you realize that you need to graduate early/because who wants to graduate college at the age of 30/where you've given half your life away towards a degree instead of enjoying it like the others/and you're cracked/deciding these things/when you want to graduate with your friends/and your heart is longing for the home you haven't left yet/and you're growing up too fast/and you're leaving home in a year/and you're only 15/

"it's alright to cry"

and you are the smart one in the family/they expect so much/on your frail little shoulders/and you pretend and push away your future for as long as you can/until it swallows you whole in a single bite/because you're giving up your childhood/for that taste of success/when you know deep inside that all you want to do is go back in time/to the days where you could color outside the lines/and sleep in the middle of class without getting in trouble/and is that too much to ask/

"no matter what you do, i'll always be proud of you"

they stain your tongue/like drops of crimson scarlet/and you are indebted from the moment you are born/and pride is a shackle added to your ball and chain/and it's suffocating you more than helping you/it's like you'll never be good enough/and it's not an option to fail/because your parents were born in poverty/and they've given you everything/every opportunity/and you have to make them proud/and make their sacrifices worth it/because you were born with the world handed to you on a silver platter/

"our little girl is leaving the coop"

and it's goodbyes and farewells/and you're packed off to college in a tiny mini cooper/and tears are streaming down your face/and it's like clarity in that second/a glimpse of the future in two years/and perhaps it's not that bad/perhaps it's just the cover of youth concealing the realities of eternal bliss/and you're scared/so very very scared/but the kind of excited scared/that has your heart racing and pounding inside your chest/and you are graduating next year/and it hurts so much/yet you're smiling too wide/and perhaps this is your happiness/
 
The very existent struggles that purge my soul. Tell me, what is right and what is wrong? 

Also! Heavily impacted by Dmoral's delightful writing. And a lot of elements are inspired from her piece: dad, can u hold me like u did when i was little? i need that right now.

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22 Comments
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    re: you really are one of the most eloquent people i know ;). and thank you so much. for adoring o'hare and for having faith. ahaha, i was planning to reply earlier but it really slipped my mind. reading your long comment, my heart really was full. things are different nowadays. a lot of new writers have replaced the ones we used to know. but yeah like you said, it's a new era after all. may we thrive in it.


    4 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    re: ah shit, i'm always so blown away by you, y'know? your eloquence is seriously out of this world and i treasure your comments so so much. aka you give off wise vibes lol. and o'hare huh? i took it down because i was planning to submit it, but i found it unrevisable and unsatisfactory so it's sort of been sitting in my drafts on docs. maybe it'll make its comeback ;).
    i started noticing you over the summer as well (though i'm a bit stingy with who i follow so i apologize for taking so long! haha.) a lot of people left, and i was sort of searching for new writers to follow when i came across you! you weren't a new writer though. in fact you'd been here longer than me, so i was a tad bit disappointed in myself that i didn't find you quickly enough. still, i read your writing and it's just absolutely gorgeous. i should make myself more known on your pieces though, i tend to not like pieces that i want to comment on later but i never get to commenting it anyways XD.
    to be honest, i would call you one of the most important people on wtw right now. it took a long time for wtw to return to the level of activity it was before and even then, it wasn't the exact same because a lot of people left. i can only thank people like you who stayed and persisted, not leaving completely and becoming role models for many younger writers on the site that needed one. when i saw you start #januarygifting, it reminded me of the times before, so much user participation despite the changes. it made me a bit nostalgic, and i know it's only thanks to the wtw-ers like you who stayed and persevered that we're able to have something like this. from the bottom of my heart, thank you. for all the support you've given me and others. thank you.


    4 months ago
  • AstroWriter

    O.o


    5 months ago
  • batman_is_a_cracker

    Okey doke review submitted. Don't be mad if/when you find there to be no actual criticism and instead only praise. This is an amazing piece don't @ me.


    5 months ago
  • Dmoral

    *back not lake
    omg i can't even


    6 months ago
  • Dmoral

    i'm back----------very late and unexpectedly long break, but lake nonetheless.

    "and you have to make them proud/and make their sacrifices worth it/because you were born with the world handed to you on a silver platter/"
    this makes me want to cry because i can relate to this so much. personally? my parents grew up telling me how good i have it and i have to be grateful and it could be worse and i'm spoiled and it's just...i know, and it hurts to think of everything they do for me and what i do will never measure up but it's always like a constant impending pressure and i don't quite know how to handle it, yk? so the way you depicted and present this, was simplistically perfect.

    "and it's like clarity in that second"
    favorite lines, the figurative language and imagery here is astounding. and in such short amount of words !

    "perhaps it's just the cover of youth concealing the realities of eternal bliss/and you're scared/so very very scared"
    the way this offers the purest form of reflection, looking back at your childhood while actively leaving it---hits in a way that nothign else every really does. and the raw fear you simplistically state is amazing, i love it.

    "and perhaps this is your happiness/"
    so open-ended but damn i love it.


    6 months ago
  • journal.scribbles

    geez that comment was all over the place, I'm genuinely sorry about that


    6 months ago
  • journal.scribbles

    I've been meaning to like and comment on this for a while, but I wasn't able to find the time til now to give it the comment it deserves. WOW this piece is incredible. Like "and you are indebted from the moment you are born/and pride is a shackle added to your ball and chain" umm? how the heck did you express that in words so well? You portray such a moving story that way too many people can relate to and it's just so good! Okay I take back that thing about giving this the comment it deserves, I'm not a good enough commenter for that. just WOW this piece is amazing. Sorry I'm done rambling now, sorry.


    6 months ago
  • Jesica Cojocea

    Very Outstanding and Well Written. Love the title choice, really got my Attention:))


    6 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Im not crying..you are.
    This piece is so emotional and so beautiful.


    6 months ago
  • daisiesonfilm

    this is so raw and so awfully relatable (in an amazing way) that it actually made me cry. you're such a brilliant writer.


    6 months ago
  • Dmoral

    "mother tells you at the young age of five/that a job in writing isn't feasible...your father is telling his customer you want to be an author"
    the contrast here is realistically painful which makes it so beautiful. in so few lines you can already tell the difference of character between the parents and the bond between the father and daughter. and it's sad when the dreams change, even when you're father's there for you all the way.

    "you realize that you need to graduate early"
    girl, don't do it. it's a trap.

    "where you've given half your life away towards a degree instead of enjoying it like the others"
    okay this hits because think of all the students who get straight As, top of their class, etc etc. it comes at a cost yk? All that stress, time-consuming studying, sucking up to people you hate, like, think about it----but it just blows over everyone else's head 'cause they're already living. and the student wants to join them-be a student, not a kid-but they don't, can't. it's like a mental block parents put up and society creates and we just.....we don't join them.

    "and you are the smart one in the family/"
    aaaaaahhhhhhh this hits. my family (not my adoptive one) indirectly told me this all the time. believe me, i know this pain, this struggle, thing l o a d. and darling? you'll be somebody, it's the journey they're planning that makes it seem easier to be nobody.

    "you are indebted from the moment you are born"
    omg i love this line & now i gotta go do HW but i'll be back to comment part 2 of this comment because i need to FINISH THIS PIECE !

    p.s
    the fact my angsty, self-pity piece inspired this has me in awe. girl, you're amazing. (also, now i understand why that dusty piece has been exploding with feedback lol)


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Yay for endless cycles/exchanges of support!


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Gahh do your incredible comments ever end?? You're so kind and talented and I'll think we'll be good friends. So cool that you're entering too! Do you have some/all of your pieces chosen yet? I'm glad there's no cap for how many you can enter because otherwise, I'd never narrow it down lol. I'm quite indecisive. It means a lot that you think I'll get an award. I'm sure you will too; I love your work (and so do at least 94 others).


    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    beautiful... the raw emotion in this is so profound. i absolutely love this <333


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Aw my goodness I seriously hope my fam doesn't look at me rn because I'm kinda trying not to cry atm. Thank you!!
    Those old people sound great XD. Gah I don't wanna be rich but like upper middle class sounds so nice that way I could live like those jazzercised old folks and not feel guilty about buying stuff.
    Yep quaint rustic cabin/farmhouse is my ~aesthetic~.
    I think my heart just might explode btw. That is maybe the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me (not because ppl don't say nice things but because I'm so touched by what you said).
    Also yesss go be a writer!!

    P. S. Dang it I think I voice texted my 1st comment and it used the wrong "here/hear".


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh bb... There is so much beauty hear. Just know that your feelings are valid. And in the end, it's your life. I don't know how this feels, but you are so amazing and I know you can do this. Maybe you can meet them in the middle? Find a writing job that's still a "real job"? Like journalism or speechwriting or something...


    6 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    well, i guess it's your turn to make me cry. how much more perfect can this piece be? it's such a very real struggle that you chose to write about here, and i was just stressing over this very thing a minute ago before i read this. the way you've described this feeling is so heartbreaking and yet so perfect. i'm just flabbergasted and blown away by this piece.
    "when you know deep inside that all you want to do is go back in time/to the days where you could color outside the lines/and sleep in the middle of class without getting in trouble/and is that too much to ask" -- just wow?? the truth in this?? i think that was my favorite part of the entire thing. i'm actually crying.


    6 months ago
  • mirkat

    this is so emotional and deep and relatble and i ahce not just for you but for me and the childhood and nostalgia and the future of uncertainties, yet somehow also certain because everything is preordained in at least a small way... so impactful and heavy and i literally cannot choose a fav part because it punched me each and every sentence. and you are right it "crashes down on you" and sigh. i can only hope that you find your happy little corner of the world. you have so much talent so much raw wild emotion is packed into this and i know i feel you will ad you can do great things... i believe in you and i know that's strange because we hardly even know each other but i can tell somehow. sorry for that ramble! <3<3<3


    6 months ago
  • BlueWolf (Semi Hiatus)

    It is a stunning piece. I especially love the title. Just amazing.


    6 months ago
  • SunV

    This is so beautiful, and I can resonate so much. As the eldest child, I'm constantly pressurised on what I want to do when I grow up, and no body sees writing as a job. This is just amazing.


    6 months ago
  • katnissromanoff

    This is stunning. Truly stunning. It was so deep and emotional. Amazing job!


    6 months ago