Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Hi! This is the first writing competition I've ever joined, and English isn't my first language, so please feel free to point out any grammatical mistakes. Point out anything you like (from the coherency of the passage to the overall theme), and title ideas would be much appreciated-- the passage is still called 'Untitled document' on Google Docs.
Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!
The writing style is just... wow. Off the bat, you have a sentence that says "it was only when he'd reached the edge of the world," and it just hooks you.
The author finds that sweet spot of a balance between internal musings and external happenings. They depict the main character struggling with the apparent murder of his father, yet also tie in aspects of his surroundings to further his turmoil.
I think this piece could benefit from a little bit more insight into the circumstances of his father's murder. Literally just a TINY bit more, to give more of a look into the protagonist's feelings in that moment, you know?
This novel clearly takes place outside; the world building is just stunning. The protagonist notes that he's standing on a cliff, looking out over the horizon. Great place for an epiphany of this sort!
Your writing style is just beautiful. Your word choice is stunning and really paints a vivid, personified picture. Great work, and keep it up! I'm especially impressed at your command of language, even when English isn't your first language. This is insanely impressive.
One tidbit of advice is to work to make your piece clearer. Find that balance between beautiful, long words and shorter, simpler ones. This will make your piece a lot more readable and easy to follow. Also, try and vary your sentence structure more, so as to improve your flow. You're a great writer!! Keep it up!! Best of luck in the competition.
P.S. I 100% understand if you're too busy, but if you wouldn't mind taking a look at my entry for this competition, I would love your insight! Your writing is gorgeous, and I feel like you would give great tips.