sunny.v

United States

southeast asian baddie!!
wtw community’s official older sibling
running off into the sunset with circe
april 27, 2020 - march 2021

swordwielding protector of all minority groups
resident knight

Message to Readers

dreamt about take home cheese fountains again last night

crystalline.galaxies aka my tuffy ily and thank you ;-;

notebook clues to where i'll be

November 16, 2020

FREE WRITING

22

a) one of these days, i’m gonna be a gone girl.
--i. and no, / not those ones in the movies who leave a paper trail. / you’ll hold the remnants of me in polaroids and bottle caps and my cobalt letterman’s jacket i said looked better on you, / and that is how you will brave my nonexistence.
--ii. and maybe you’ll miss me in sunstreams and spoiled nectarines, / and here’s a secret: i’ll probably miss you, too. / but you can only stay stuck inside yourself, hollow, for so long, until it / drives you insane. / that’s what i am. sick in the head.
--iii. so i’ll be a gone girl, / as if i was ever really real in the first place. / as if i did not stick my fingers into candle wax to test if i had a body. / and i won’t leave you clues, because / i never existed to begin with. / and this way, i know you won’t mourn me, but at least / i know the magpies will. / and that has to be enough.

b) and now i have you worried, and you’ll ask me how i am.
--i. and there are so many ways to answer you, but it mostly goes like this: / shooting stars are just cosmic rocks that end up burning in our atmosphere, and / they are prettiest as they fall. / it’s hard not to envy them, right? / to know that they meant something to someone, all they had to do was ignite.
--ii. kidding. the first way really goes like this: / i hurtle past speed limits because it is all i know. / i hit the ground running when i first came to. / and i don’t know how to tell you that i’m slowing down. at least in the mind. / because if i’m not sprinting, who am i? / if i’m not alright, am i still what you think of me? / so i appreciate it. / but i’m still running. / and you’ll never know if i have a roadmap or not.
--iii. the second way goes like this: / i don’t forget to ask for help. that’s a dirty lie, and it’s not the first, not the last. / you can’t forget something that you never knew how to do in the first place. / it’s like: imagine this. someone watches you. they ask how you’re doing, but you know what they mean. / but what it means to you is: cut your chest open, and let them watch, and see if they get tired of the show. / it is so incredibly hard to skin yourself into something vulnerable. to admit that / i am weaker than you see. / i am raw, i am human, but it is / such an infinite battle on endless upward hills to just suck it up and / let you know.
--iv. so i become a gone girl, and this is the third way. you understand, but you might not, because it’s / not like i ever gave you any clues. / but i hope you know i love you, / because at least you cared. / and i just couldn’t reconcile that within myself.

c) and all i ever wanted was to mean something to someone, but /
--most of the time, i hardly even feel like i’m real.
oof sorry for all the depressing pieces lately. also i've never watched gone girl and you can literally never force me to so! <3

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  • November 16, 2020 - 8:19pm (Now Viewing)

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16 Comments
  • mindfruit (hiatus)

    wow chi this is beautiful...how do you write in such a poetic and elegant yet casual way? so many amazing lines in this piece, I can't pick a favorite but " shooting stars are just cosmic rocks that end up burning in our atmosphere, and / they are prettiest as they fall. / it’s hard not to envy them, right? / to know that they meant something to someone, all they had to do was ignite. " uggh so good!


    6 months ago
  • mirkat

    i got inspired by you and your phenomenal mind and work and aurora and so here it is:
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/203090/version/416532
    thanks so much sunny! <3<3<3


    6 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    re: sunnyyyyyy you're going to make me cry ;-;
    you caught the reference to your piece?? i was hoping someone would catch that! ah i can't describe how happy that makes me jdsakjfdk. i'm trying not to look like an idiot grinning in math class but thankfully i'm wearing a mask. i'm so glad you liked it... i was so worried. :>>


    6 months ago
  • lochnessie

    (the gibberish = my brother grabbed the computer)


    6 months ago
  • lochnessie

    sunny why do i keep missing your pieces? its a legit problem.
    also i don't know why i wrote this but i responded to your last stanza? kind of? i don't know. anyway this was silly. let's delete this comment t233444444 meju
    d) when i was a child i was never left alone - i am mad to be a half tacked onto someone else (clay with shabby joins, let's hope it stays together)
    but you expect me, and i don't know how to be me on my own.


    6 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    you've brought me to tears with this piece. it really hit me quite hard, and it's so gorgeous and lovely.


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Anytime sis


    6 months ago
  • AccountA

    omg this is soo good!!! i love this so much there is so much raw emotion. one of the best pieces i've seen!! <333


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Btw I really really care about you <3


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh my. This is magnificent. Truly magnificent. Every line has a heartbeat, a heartbreak.
    " you’ll hold the remnants of me in polaroids and bottle caps and my cobalt letterman’s jacket i said looked better on you, / and that is how you will brave my nonexistence."
    That hits like a gloriously crafted train wreck and I don't know how else to describe it.
    "if i’m not alright, am i still what you think of me?"
    That is so so powerful wow.


    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    O H M Y G O S H THIS IS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING AND NOW I'M CRYING AGAIN WTH wow i honestly don't know where to start. this is gonna be a long comment, sorry
    that first section. whew. that pulled me in and didn't let me leave and OMG it was brilliant. your writing is BRILLIANT.
    "that’s what i am. sick in the head" i don't know why this hit me so hard--well that's not true, i do, but still this is beautiful.
    and section b... oh MY GOSH it is too much to even --- aaaaaaah i can't. i literally don't have the words to describe everything this makes me feel. and i'm crying (i was crying already tho so it might not be this) and this is so amazing...
    that ending. oh my gosh that ending. ahhhhhh
    okay i need to stop. i love this so much <333


    6 months ago
  • Stone of Jade

    this is absolutely beautiful...i can't even pick a quote without pasting the whole piece here XD also i am loving the format


    6 months ago
  • journal.scribbles

    " shooting stars are just cosmic rocks that end up burning in our atmosphere, and / they are prettiest as they fall. / it’s hard not to envy them, right? / to know that they meant something to someone, all they had to do was ignite."

    Wow. I'm speechless. (whoops that was a long quote. sorry. it's just too amazing to leave any of it out :P)


    6 months ago
  • mirkat

    this is so complex and beautiful and i think that even the casual way you wrote this carries so much meaning and emotion, raw emotion, and i love it beyond belief because this is me and this is a run on sentence. "and all i ever wanted was to mean something to someone, but /
    --most of the time, i hardly even feel like i’m real."
    this hit me and punched me and how do you do this and and and somehow i am at a loss for words... thank u for all of ur deep and wonderful and like almost a soul your writing has a soul..... why can i only write run on sentences? well.... i get it all of it or at least in my own way i do and i hope u feel at least a bit better. <3<3<3


    6 months ago
  • a rose

    umm,,sunny??? sunny, you absolute dear. this is lovely. it's so blue and beautiful.


    6 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    the ending is so powerful... the abrupt ending.... i love it.
    "you’ll hold the remnants of me in polaroids and bottle caps and my cobalt letterman’s jacket i said looked better on you"
    t h i s.


    6 months ago