Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
If you've got time, I'd love feedback :)
The names of things you're alluding too. I can tell by Anson's perspective that his father is probably a deadbeat or is neglectful. I also didn't expect him planning to run away.
What if you mentioned in one or two sentences an example of an interaction between his stepmom or father somewhere in the beginning? Just like a summary. It will not only enhance the character's animosity, but catch the reader's attention. Like "oh his animosity is very strong, must be important" and then the revelation that they're going to run for it. Ironically, you don't need to add anything, but cut down. Like cut down on the extra words and have less passive voice. It'll enhance and make it easier for the reader to depict the family strain. Those sort of words fit in poetry more than it does in novels. Like short stories and word count, a novel's chapter must count lest you lose the readers' interest.
Warning: Long line.
Stuff in the Long-run to consider:
Dealing with Dialogue Tips:
No small talk (small talk doesn't further the plot) must be necessary.
No info dump, it's overwhelming. Small bites works well.
Since this is a novel, you may want to give them a character speak so you won't have to slap on dialogue tags (she said, he said, he exclaimed...). Occasional description next to the dialogue is fine.
Honor the character relationship (character's tones are different by relationship too. Stranger speaks with character.)
The unsaid is very powerful. It leaves suspense (is the character already seething? Does he not reply or comment on something? Is the character at the upper hand of the convo?)
Minimize identifying tags (she said, she exclaimed...) She said wins out, but to minimize, you can do speech patterns, and descriptive follow-ups.
Read it out loud.
Nitty Gritty Grammar tips:
Ways to recognize passive voice: if the object (a person, idea, or literal object) is in the place of subject (the thing acting on the object),
Ex: "The bush(the bush is doing nothing, the object) is trimmed by the human(the human is the one trimming the bush)," to "the human trimmed the bush."
"The beautiful bark is owned by the tree," to "the tree's beautiful bark."
Recognizing run-on sentence: When in doubt, say out loud and use your intuition. Will you get winded and confused? If not, it's likely good, but let a reader check it.
Not really grammar, but take a day or a couple or an hour away from your piece for a fresher perspective. You can print it out and cross out and add notes too.
Lastly, don't completely listen to peer reviews but keep it in mind. That includes my own. We can sometimes get carried away lol. Overall, this has potential.