Ava Marie

Canada

Hi I'm Ava
15
She/Her

Aspiring Author
Dancer
Rock Climber

Always laughing
Beatlemaniac
Favourite book: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
Bad jokes are the best!
I draw occasionally
I love constructive criticism!

Joined: 11/14/2020

Message to Readers

Historical fiction piece. It's not my favourite that I've done, but I just got it reviewed and I like it a lot better now. PLease let me know what you think!

Too Young

March 17, 2021

FREE WRITING

4
Eight-year-old Aliza Cellier was approached the border with the woman they told her would be her mother for the next while. She felt the grip of the woman’s hand around her palm tighten. Perhaps the woman was just as nervous as she was. A cold breeze pushed against her thin jacket, she shivered. 
“I want my maman,” Aliza whispered to the woman beside her.
“I am your maman, remember Marie.”
Right, Marie, the name she had been given before they had departed into the frigid air of an early January night. 
“Will I ever see her again?” asked the young girl, her voice shaky and barely audible.
But before her false mother could answer her, they heard footsteps crunching through the snow towards them. They had been spotted. The soldier was an Aryan with his dirty blond hair, blue eyes, and spotless Nazi uniform. 
“Papers,” demanded the Nazi officer that stood before them. The woman let go of her hand and reached into her jacket pocket and scavenged around trying to find them. Aliza decided to talk to the stiff man in front of her. 
“What’s your name?” she inquired. Her fake mother shot her a slight glare. She had been instructed to not ask questions, but Aliza didn’t care. She had been separated from her maman, papa and older brother Gatian. She had been taken away from her home in France, and now she was supposed to just stand there shivering and silent on this bitter night? No, she would talk if she wanted to. 
“My name is Lio Tisch,” he replied shooting a look behind him where an older man was standing. “But to you it’s Zollinspektor Tisch.”
“Okay,” Aliza chimed, glad to hear a new voice. “I’m Marie, Marie Gachet.” She looked over at the woman with a proud face that said: See, I remember.
“Here you go,” the woman said sternly, handing over the papers. The guard took them with a slight nod and began looking them over. After a moment he stopped and called over the man who was standing a few meters back, surveying the procedures. This man was older, scarier. 
“Yes?” The man sneered. 
“The files seem to be printed on the wrong type of paper,” explained the young soldier. “But I want a second opinion.”
“I think you're right Tisch. These two are traveling on false documents, which means they are probably Jews."
“That’s absurd!” the woman exclaimed grabbing onto Aliza’s hand. “My daughter and I are French; how dare you accuse us of being Jewish!”
“Marie?” questioned the young blond soldier. “Was that the name you were born with?”
“Yes,” Aliza answered without hesitation. “And this is my mother. My papa and brother are fighting in the war.”
“I don’t believe you,” he snarled at the girl.
“Neither do I” interrupted the older, man with the gruff voice, and he was right. The woman had been preparing her with fake information for if she were to be asked any questions.
Without another word the Nazis grabbed the refugees and, with guns to their heads, the captives were marched towards the internment camp, Drancy. Aliza didn’t want to leave her home. France was where her friends were, and her house. It was where she grew up, where all her memories were. It wasn’t fair! How come the scary uniformed men just get to barge in and control everything anyone does. Aliza wrestled against her captor and ended up releasing herself form his grip. She started to run. 
“Stop or I shoot.”
The young girl didn’t stop, but she looked back at the blond soldier aiming his weapon. When Aliza looked at the gun, she realised that his hands were shaking slightly. She lifted her gaze and their eyes locked, brown to blue, teary to unfeeling. Then a shot rang out, loud and sharp against the silent bitterness of a late January evening.
Thank you so much Starlitskies for the review!! I still feel like the whole storyline could use a redo, but that's a project for another day. Anyway, hope you liked it!

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3 Comments
  • Minvra

    Woah. This is so deep...it captures a moment that seems so realistic. I love how you captured the child in Aliza/Marie. And the soldier, maybe he felt a tinge a sympathy? Or he's new? Or by his unfeeling eyes this happened all before? This is a deep topic and I'd say you handled it pretty well when you edited it!


    about 1 month ago
  • Starlitskies

    Wow. I know I'm reading this for the second time now, but still the ending got me. The story is beautiful and you've really improved the piece. Changing the storyline would certainly be a bigger project, but if you do, I know that you’ll make this even more amazing.
    P.S. - Thank you for the shoutout in the footnotes. <3


    about 2 months ago
  • Draco Malfoy

    Wow...
    This is amazing!


    about 2 months ago