Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Historical fiction short story. I tried to make it as historically accurate as possible while still including all of the aspects I wanted. Please review!
This piece is melancholic but beautifully written. The little girl's character has been brought out well in the first part of the story. This naturally leads the reader to make a connection with the character and it stings when the gunshot rings out.
I've highlighted several places where I thought you could make certain adjustments and edits. I suggest that you work more on the older officer's character because his voice seems a bit off. The dialogue too could use a few edits. Also, make sure to maintain consistency with tenses throughout the piece.
I enjoyed reviewing this story. It was a wonderful read. It's evident that you've done your research, I applaud that. I love that you chose to narrate the story from the POV of Aliza. It added much poignance and sincerity to the story.
I've been quite critical in my review. Please keep in mind that these are just my opinions. You should make changes and edits at your own discretion.
Don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions. And if you do publish a second draft, please let me know. I'd love to read it. This is an amazing piece and you're a brilliant writer, so keep on writing! <3