Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Hi, welcome to the place in which I ask questions for reviewers XD.
Grammarly says my tone is "Worried" and "Formal." Do you agree?
What time period do you think this is? Different than 2019?
Are there any parts that are wordy or confusing? I'd rather you not have to read a sentence twice to understand.
Are there any places I should expand? Perhaps on characters?
Are there any places that could be swapped with something more interesting?
Is it a nice ending?
Any other feedback (including likes and comments) are greatly appreciated! Please bear with me as I struggle through this XD.
Oh, also, does anyone do research for their fiction? I looked up classic books, how many chapters were in Anne of Green Gables (and an overview of each chapter was included) and who wrote it, if possums were marsupials, what they ate, fancy names, common last names, common Hispanic names with meaning, and common Hispanic last names. I just don't know if other people do, too XD.
The title feels so engaging, haha. The writing style is crisp and well clear.
I feel Tim's sense of wonder through the screen, it's so lovely to read him.
I'm more curious about the portrayal of the time period, it's listed as 2019, or is that a typo? I'd actually like to be able to tell from language that this is the American south. Maybe some slang or twang?
I'm told Tennesee, but the time period is all over the place. Was the attic stuffy? It's pretty unclear whose house he's in. I don't think Ivy is strong enough to climb, how about she climbed those wooden things berry fruits are planted with so they can grow around?
Keep writing! You are a novelist here!
A quick word of advice, never publish the "First Draft", the two words together insist that not a single word of editing went into it. It makes it seem novice, and you want readers to know that you aren't any ol' novice, you're a tactful novice.
I agree with Grammarly (sadly), the overall tone is formal, way too much for a kid in an attic in 2019, even in the south, it doesn't connect well enough to the readers. If you don't want to change the tone, you could change the time, I think the late 1880s suits this pretty okay, but that's just me, it was a good read. If you do, you could replace Anne with Huck Finn or Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, the mid-1910s would also be perfect if you want to keep Anne, but then you might need to add the international tension and conflict.
I apologize for nitpicking, I don't like sugar-coating my opinion too much. I hope you see this as constructive criticism because that's what I intended (but I'm told I'm rather daft at sparing feelings, lmao). Stay cool!