abi's pov

United States Minor Outlying Islands

WtW's resident disappearing act

a sleepy lil mess

she/her

tbh, i forgot exactly when i joined

Message to Readers

i love how i always say i'll be on more frequently after i don't publish on wtw for months on end, then leave for another three months. yeah, no promises this time lol
anywho, read the poem, enjoy it if you really have to.
stay safe, stay cool, kiddos! :)

love,
your angsty, pretentious, alt older wtw sister

a poet; an imposter; someone who really wants to be loved, but never could be | synonyms

November 12, 2020

FREE WRITING

11
                    everytime i write, i have to dig my way out of a grave -- dirt ‘neath my fingertips and the sweet scent of soil filling my empty senses.
i don’t think i’ve ever been in love before,
                                        although, once when i was younger, i nearly drowned in a chlorine pool and, arms outstretched                                         to a hero i didn’t think was coming, i think i met death, staring back at me -- in those eyes, i                                   saw not cruelty, nor fate. i think it was a mother’s fear, but my eyes were shut so i can’t be sure. 

anyway, 
                                        i don’t think i’ve ever been in love before,
                                        but i’m not really one for thinking much at all.
                                        when humans think too much, then they try to be a god.
                                        although, all they ever do is destroy so i’ve always thought
                                        that maybe mortals were much closer to gods than they ever thought,

but a boy in my history class told me to stop thinking so much, so,
    
                                        i’ve never been in love before.
                                        yet, once i texted a distant friend an ink splat of all the emotions we keep hidden
                                        and she said that it was okay to feel like that;
                                        to cry; to be so very human.
                                        sometimes, i think that she is the only one in this world;
                                        that everyone else are merely ghosts, floating in and out of my life;
                                        that she is the only who ever really loved me. 

however, i’m so unsure if i’ve ever loved anyone with such fervency as they have loved me -- 
                                    i’ve never been in love before --
                                    and yet, i write so many pieces on love; 
                                    they’re all speculation.
                                    truly, i hope to be in love one day --
                                    it would feel like a sunset, 
                                    roses blooming,
                                    the heat of packaged ramen on a cold day,
                                    the sound of real laughter, 
                                    messy hair,
                                    whatever the opposite of alone, but together is,
                                    spotify playlists, 
                                    frog memes,
                                    a proud smile,
                                    and so many more fragments of a crystalline reality i’m not sure if i deserve.

in summary, 
                                    i’ve never been in love before,
                                    but all the things that are love to me
                                    is waiting for me to call them back
                                    so they can tell me about their day
                                    and i don’t want to keep them waiting.

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  • November 12, 2020 - 1:21am (Now Viewing)

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4 Comments
  • Anne Blackwood

    AJSDFDKS honestly if this is the kind of stuff you give us whenever you're here, I forgive you for ghosting us the rest of the time. Don't get me wrong, I really miss my musketeer friend, but GOSH this is so good. I have no words.


    4 months ago
  • antizoeclub

    gahhh this is so gorgeous and i relate so much. dude i love this to the moon and back. including the bit about frog memes <3


    4 months ago
  • em wilder

    this. this is magic. marvelous, beautiful, word magic. the way you've crafted this... the format to begin with. and then there's almost an expectation that poems are deep and profound. and sure, you have that. but you spinned (spun?) it. it starts with words like "anyway". such a playful tone that bonds us readers with your work. i love this more than i can say. this is soooo amazing and like wisp said, i am speechless. this is also very relatable. the love. speculating. also your word choice is fantastic! okay, i will stop ranting about your stunning writing! <3<3<3


    4 months ago
  • Wisp

    You've rendered me utterly speechless.
    Your tone of voice is everything in this piece. It brings out such a beautiful emotion and it is nonchalant while still having an impact. And the diction and imagery is just so beautiful, as well as the formatting itself. I truly and thoroughly enjoyed this piece. There was a depth there that I was barely able to glimpse and there was a raw emotion evoked.


    4 months ago