pyrrhic

United States

pyrrhic;
to be victorious at a cost that outweighs the success
~~
any pronouns
~~
previously abby.a

Message to Readers

EDs have no size, gender, color, anything. they can appear in all different forms. restrictive EDs aren't the only ones. women aren't the only people to develop ED's. no matter who you are, you're valid <33

EDIT: yes, this is a repost from november. i just went back to reread some of my stuff to encourage myself after going through a bit of a difficult time the past few days. so i decided to just repost the whole thing. sending love to everybody <33

this is the most difficult piece i've ever written, but i'm glad i did

February 15, 2021

FREE WRITING

24
TW: TALK ABOUT CHALLENGING RESTRICTIVE ED THOUGHTS!


i take a deep breath
as i step into the kitchen
my thoughts buzzing loudly
don't eat.
and i force myself to reply,
but i will eat.
because i deserve it.

and it tasted delicious.
i don't regret it.

when i sit down
i place my hand on my stomach
and force myself to smile
this is how far i've come
i deserve to feel proud
and i deserve to eat
and slowly, the smile turns real

and i feel great.
i don't regret it.
hello everyone! i just wanted to write about some of my experiences regarding recovering from an ED, for anyone else who may be dealing with something similar. i've been there. and i know that i can't really say anything that will change your mind, but beauty isn't skin deep. it never will be. and changing yourself to fit whatever society says beauty is not will only make you feel worse, rather than better, i know that for a fact.

one last thing to say, you are NOT your ED. you are NOT your ED thoughts. you are SO MUCH MORE. 

take care, beautiful. you're worth it. <33

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  • February 15, 2021 - 12:52pm (Now Viewing)

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21 Comments

  • anemoia by a thread

    still so powerful. needed to be reposted, for sure.


    3 months ago

  • Paisley Blue

    dsjifhdsliuhfas still makes me tear up whenever i read this!!! :') love you love you love you!! <33 i wish i could like this over and over again!!! :)) <33 hugsss


    3 months ago

  • BirdofPrey

    re: thank you so much!


    3 months ago

  • psithurism

    *sigh* I wish I could like this piece again.


    6 months ago

  • WordsSpeakLouder

    I know this probably doesn't mean much cause I'm a random stranger, but I'm proud of you. It's quite an incredible achievement and it's amazing that you've made it as far as you have. You are a remarkable human being and you have worth.


    6 months ago

  • resident philocalist

    my queen, my friend, i love you so much and im so proud of you! screw anyone who is ignorant enough to make you feel like you shouldn't be proud of this accomplishment because you are a magnificent human and i hope that you never forget that. Also i think my shovel is still in your garage... can i maybe have it back? for... umm... personal reasons?


    6 months ago

  • Paisley Blue

    yes, yes yes yes. i am so so so so proud of you abby <333 lily basically said it all XD but just... remember how much we love you and are proud of how far you've come. we're with you all the way <333 :)
    (also sorry for being so late to the party, my phone locked and i only now got to comment on this :D) love you so much <333


    6 months ago

  • Jasmine khawar

    <3


    6 months ago

  • Huba Huba

    Re: I'm glad you shared it anyway! As writing and speech is a human's way of expression, this is a very fitting place to share your experiences, since it's throw writing (in your case poetry) anyway!
    I think one cure to these mental health issues (it's considered mental health right?) is simply talking it out and sharing it, and again, I'm so proud of you for your recovery!


    6 months ago

  • Anne Blackwood

    I'm so dang proud of you ack this is beautiful you're beautiful aslkdjsf


    6 months ago

  • journal.scribbles

    re: ohhhh okay, I thought it was a specific eating disorder. Thank you for answering my question!!!


    6 months ago

  • Huba Huba

    Oh my lord, I'm sorry you went through this, but I'm proud of you for your recovery though! And yes, beauty is a subjective thing, so why do people have such strict beauty standards?


    6 months ago

  • journal.scribbles

    I feel really stupid for asking this, but what does ED stand for? Is it an eating disorder like anorexia? No matter what it is, this poem is really powerful, and I'm grabbing my shovel too. :)


    6 months ago

  • psithurism

    Guess I need a new shovel now... BECAUSE I AM 100% HELPING LILY BEAT THEM TO A PULP!!!
    Well that got dark fast....
    *ahem*
    Ily Abby!!! <333


    6 months ago

  • mirkat

    re: well now what can i say after lilyaa1's comment!? XD keep fighting you got this you can do it! and thank you. <33333333


    6 months ago

  • Lilyaa

    PREACH. YOU SHOULD FEEL PROUD AND YOU SHOULDN'T REGRET IT BECAUSE YOU DO DESERVE TO EAT AND IF ANYONE eVeR, EVER MAKES YOU FEEL OTHERWISE I WILL STEAL KYRAS SHOVEL AND HIT THEM ON THE HEAD BECAUSE SCREW THEM I'M SO PROUD OF YOU <333333


    6 months ago

  • mirkat

    just eoching ness.... wow. you did it. and i am sorry you went thru this, but now you can write about it and help others. what a marvelous turn of events. and yeah. as for this poem... i certainly don't have a serious ed at all, but sometimes i find mself wondering if i should have a second helping or eat a snack. i look down at my stomach and wonder if it will get bigger and bigger. and then i'm like who am i kidding i live for food, so then that's all cleared up. anyway. thank you for this. and so so so glad you are feeling better. lots of love! <3<3<3


    6 months ago

  • lochnessie

    re: <333


    6 months ago

  • lochnessie

    re: thank you!


    6 months ago

  • lochnessie

    oh. i'm so sorry that you have gone through this abby, and i'm so glad that you're in a place where you can write about it and you can share your experience to help others - i'm sure that this will help so many people. i hope with all my dragon heart that you're feeling okay, and i wish you a good today and tomorrow and tomorrow's tomorrow. ness <3


    6 months ago

  • psithurism

    AHHHH I'M SO PROUD OF YOU SWEETIE!!! <3 <3 <3 ILY SO MUCH!!!


    6 months ago