sunny.v

United States

she/her | asian
wtw community’s official older sister
running off into the sunset with circe
est. april 27, 2020

swordwielding protector of all minority groups
resident lady knight

she clasps peonies, allure, & love

Message to Readers

if you manage to read between the lines, it's...kinda heavy, so fair warning for that ig!

thank you everyone for all the lovely support and words. even if some of you haven't talked to me before, you lended me your comfort the best you could. for that, i am forever grateful. mwah <3

sometimes, i forget to:

November 17, 2020

FREE WRITING

42

i. And it all starts like / sometimes you forget to drink water in the morning & then it turns in to / you forgot to comb your hair in the morning & then it turns in to / you’re eyeing the scissors on the printer for much too long & then it turns in to / wishing you were still asleep / and it’s like: you don’t look like your dad, not like your mom. you look in the mirror and you are packing your bags and hiding in a motel room with no reflective surfaces & then / you are alone. / & it is not unfamiliar.

ii. and it’s starting to look like it’s ending. / you know? please don’t ask me what that means. / it looks like no, love, but really, how are you? and it’s like / i am a passenger in this body watching myself speedway off the bridge. you’re so sweet, thank you for asking. / it’s like you don’t even like anything about yourself anymore but you still crush wildflowers in your palms and scream at them to sing / i killed the choir! i killed the choir.

iii. it’s starting to look like you know i’ll always be here / & then it turns in to well, yes, but i’m starting to think the more you know about me the less you’re going to wish you did at all / and it’s like i am always here to catch you fall and i am always stretching myself like elastic in parachutes to be right there for you but i am / reaching terminal velocity, you know? / & i won’t let you ask me what that means. / & it’s not your fault, because i just / can’t cut my thoracic cavity open but oh my God i am falling / and i am falling alone. /

sometimes i forget to ask for help. / kidding. i always am. always do. / i didn’t forget, i just didn’t. / & it’s like: don’t ask me what that means.

iv. and it’s like, do you even like me anymore? was i even a warm presence in the first place? / if you’re going to cut me out in silence, then be over and done with it because holy crap i am battling far too many closet skeletons / to deal with this right now. / i am your friend or i am not. /

v. so sometimes i forget to be alive, and then i think sometimes i forget to let people notice. / not like i ever tell them, i just forget to. / & it’s like: no i don’t. sorry. / & then i’m on the highway again, and i’m looking for heaven, and polaris sends me her butterfly kisses to soothe my aching heels. / & sometimes i forget to look both ways.
teehee

Print

See History
  • November 17, 2020 - 10:33pm (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

28 Comments
  • Flowing Ink

    This piece is so stunningly aching- I know this feeling intimately, and I will not burden you with hopes of things getting better (becuase that can be a scary concept in my experience) but simply that the pain eases soon.


    about 2 months ago
  • A Rose

    Sunny, this is such a startling piece. You are an amazing poet/ prose/ writer, as always. I just want you to know I am here for you and love you so much and if you need help, you can ask me. (sorry for getting personal on a WTW comment ahhhh)


    about 2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Re: pffffff thank you for that, that made me laugh. I'll point them your way ;) <33


    2 months ago
  • mindfruit (hiatus)

    Re: of course! and yeah, I'm having a pretty good time with basketball (i have it four consecutive days a week so it's tiring too lol)


    2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: AHHH i completely forgot to mention interstellar!! yikes. I haven't submitted anything there yet, but i've been kinda hanging around, waiting until i write something good enough to send in. :) that is super cool, i'll keep it in mind!! :D


    2 months ago
  • poetgoneonpluto

    re: thank you so much for your compliment <3


    2 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: it deserves all the views <3 babysitting... less than fun. it's exam season in australia so my routine is study/fall asleep studying/cry on phone with friends about studying


    2 months ago
  • lochnessie

    and the trillion-and-oneth time, exhausted after a rough day of babysitting (my brother, don't ask - actually i hate when people say don't ask) because this has to be at least a tri-daily ritual by now. how are you going? i'm... so tired, but it's been a good day. your writing always brightens my day :) and wtw can bask in the reflective glow of your talent <3


    2 months ago
  • lochnessie

    yes i'm back reading this for the trillionth time today. you are the most talented writer sunny :0 and i just can't deal with this. it is absolutely brilliant and i'm torn between screaming THIS IS AMAZING and THIS IS TERRIFYING


    2 months ago
  • mindfruit (hiatus)

    what a beautiful piece, chi. the words have so much emotion to them and they really hit me hard (especially in the fourth stanza). not sure if I understood the full message, but whatever it is, just know that life has a way of turning out alright :)


    2 months ago
  • mirkat

    re: aww, glad you liked it! slipped my mind to put it here in the comments. <3<3<3


    2 months ago
  • Wisp

    "and it’s like, do you even like me anymore? was i even a warm presence in the first place?"
    Oh Sunny, you are and always have been a warm presence. I know that whenever I see you around, whether here or the other place, I know great things are to come. You have such an impact and you are so sweet and you, I wish I could describe a fraction of how much you mean to us.


    2 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: mwah mwah mwah <3


    2 months ago
  • Rachaelgrace

    Wow this is really beautiful. I’m amazed!!!!!!


    2 months ago
  • mirkat

    woah. this. this, this is so impactful and beautiful and the flow and the emotion. and i feel desperate and devoid of my color and spirit as i read this and by the end, i was crying (still am) because sometimes this is me. you spilled my soul onto this page and deep breaths calm down. by the second stanza my body was clenched up because yes, this is who i am sometimes. and then this hit me i the gut: "so sometimes i forget to be alive, and then i think sometimes i forget to let people notice. / not like i ever tell them, i just forget to. /" at some point you just give up but because you want to and its the most sorrowful thing ever, but what else are you going to do? and strangely, while reading the comments and this poem, i don't feel quite so alone. what a marvelous thing. okay. well thank you for this. it is a beautiful force of nature and i have to read it again. and i know this doesn't help everyone and sometimes annoys me, but i am here for you! ok. stop crying mirkat! love this will all my wonderfully broken heart that is beginning to stitch itself back together... <3<3<3


    2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: i had to be detailed, this piece is literally so good! <3 i'm glad my comment made you happy--everything in it was true!! I'm always here to listen. hope you're having a wonderful day, happy writing <3


    2 months ago
  • mystifiedtulip

    wow........this is very deep and in your message box you mentioned something about reading between the lines.....yeah, i'm not sure if i got the exact message, but all i can say is that i hope you're doing okay, and if you need comfort you should reach out to someone who you feel comfortable with. (i didn't say to reach out to me because we don't know each other, but if you want i can still be there!)

    re: haha yes! i'm glad that you're a fellow viet! it's kinda difficult to find my culture these days, but i figured that since this is a world community, i would havfor the wishes, and i don't know if you've noticed, but i already noticed your piece for the competition! it's amazing in every way and i wish you tons of luck!!! <333


    2 months ago
  • aosora

    it hit me straight away. i hope you are okay (and even if you aren't, please do not rush yourself to find comfort immediately). i hope you know where to find me if you ever need me, because i'd hate to not be there for you.


    2 months ago
  • lochnessie

    oh my god
    is it terrible that this is brilliant? terribly brilliant. brilliantly terrible. and yet heartbreaking and heartmaking and heart-scrunching-up-into-a-tiny-ball-of-dragon-indecision

    i'm always here for you should you need an australian dragon or a lamington. or just a friend <3


    2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    oh my goodness... this is really intense. like... ik you said between the lines so maybe i'm just used to looking for any sign of it but... i really hope you're doing okay. i know we're not super close but if you ever need to talk, i'm always here. i won't even respond if you don't want me to. sometimes it helps to get it all out. <3 <3 <3 this is beautiful and terrible in the best of ways <3 i was gonna quote a line from the first stanza and then i realized i was highlighting the entire stanza so... well, here, i'll try to narrow it down to my favorites. "you still crush wildflowers in your palms and scream at them to sing / i killed the choir! i killed the choir" god this line blew me away. wow. i could just feel the pain and heartbreak and all the despair packed into ever single word of this line. "oh my God i am falling / and i am falling alone. /" this--i can't even put into words the feeling that filled my chest--panic and pain and fear... wow. you are amazing. "so sometimes i forget to be alive, and then i think sometimes i forget to let people notice. /" again... this took my breath away. And then the ending--wow, this just brought out all of the feelings and thoughts that i try my hardest to push away--and you did it in a way that made them feel beautiful and powerful and despicable and i don't feel alone. wow. this is truly my favorite piece of yours. each and every line in this piece holds a stunning ache to it... i've been there, and every time i read something so well-written and true as this, i am astounded at how much the feelings are universal. like i said, if you ever need to talk... well, i'm here. i'm not great with advice. but i like to think i'm a good listener. if you aren't comfortable chatting here on wtw i can give you my email--or not. its okay if you'd rather not, i get that completely. just want to make sure you know i'm always here for you <3

    re: hmm, i'm not entirely sure how the best way to do that would be... i guess my idea would be to put the footnotes/message with a poem that is unrelated, that is like... idk i guess it would be a good idea to not have the footnotes be too much longer than the piece itself. like i said, i'm not entirely sure?

    gosh, sorry for the long comment! like i said, this piece just stunned me. absolutely breathtaking. wow. <33


    2 months ago
  • ava09 (angels, auroras and sad prose #holidayvibes)

    replying: okay so you said "ever so sweet" and honestly that made my day i love that so much haha. i am having a pretty awesome time. :) also, i'm glad that brightened your day, and it's really no problem - whenever you need i'm here! <3


    2 months ago
  • ava09 (angels, auroras and sad prose #holidayvibes)

    this is really stunning and heart wrenching. honestly, chrysanthemums&ink said it all best. i could read this over and over and my heart would still break every time but i'd still want to read it again. also, i love the use of "&" - i'm not sure why it stuck out to me but for some reason it makes me like this piece even more.
    secondly, like chrysanthemums&ink, if you need anything please don't hesitate to reach out! i know we aren't the best of wtw friends but i'm ALWAYS willing to listen to whatever you (or anyone) needs to say or rant about or get of their chest, so please let me know if i can help out in any way or if you need anything.
    you're amazing and lovely (just like this piece)! sending hugs, sunshine and butterflies. <3


    2 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    saw this over here but still prefer to comment over here. "i am a passenger in this body watching myself speedway off the bridge" that is so so good and so sad. this was so beautiful, the way you bared your soul and butterflies fluttered out. "oh my God i am falling / and i am falling alone. /" this is so incredibly raw. your emotions are laid and vivid to the point where i can feel your every emotion. it feels like an invasion yet it's so breathtaking that i can't help but to read it over and over again.

    on another note, are you alright? i know you often won't talk to us unless we reach out first, but if there's any dirty laundry that needs to be aired or anything you want to tell us, we're here, and i'm here, even though i'm terrible at it. ilysm sunny. this piece is gorgeous and so are you.


    2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh my... This is beautiful in a tragic, aching way.

    You are worthy of love.


    2 months ago
  • dream02

    OMIGOSH. This piece is absolutely heart-wrenching. The /but i’m starting to think the more you know about me the less you’re going to wish you did at all / is so relatable. Great job!


    2 months ago
  • sci-Fi

    Re: ha thanks :)


    2 months ago
  • madeline3.14159

    My brain cannot fathom this beauty... I have no words to express this....


    2 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    Gah this is beautiful "it’s like you don’t even like anything about yourself anymore but you still crush wildflowers in your palms and scream at them to sing /" <33


    2 months ago