chrysanthemums&ink

United States

basically ia | male | freshman

Message to Readers

typOS.

man i was not planning on taking part in this but i couldn't resist. i'm late to the party but welcome me ig?

my best friend, who leaves me behind sometimes

November 11, 2020

FREE WRITING

28

i don't trust my best friend, and i know he doesn't trust me either. he knows which secrets he can let slip like an ice cube through his teeth and which secrets he needs to keep under his tongue. i watch him lie sometimes, and i know he's bad at it not because he can't lie but because he secretly wants everyone to know his true feelings. i think he's a little too good at hiding his scoffs and judgmental little subtexts, but he doesn't fool me when he mutters under his breath. my skin crawls a little when his lips catch on his front teeth and he smiles like he's posing for a camera. he tells me he likes people more than adjectives, but i know that the adjectives don't truly slip his mind. he thinks he can read other people; he thinks he can read me, but he might just be projecting the things he hates about himself onto others. my best friend says he wishes he could take care of me more, but he knows he's bad at comforting people and better at unintentionally patronizing them. i tell him it's alright, and that's all i say. 

i tell my best friend that it's okay if the world is spinning too fast for her, but she tells me that it's just her that's walking too slow. she doesn't tell many people but she's envious and selfish and greedy and prideful and more of the seven, but she admits to me one night that she's all of these things because she has no dreams. sometimes i feel like she's walking into a black hole, but i can't bring myself to tell her to stop. she cares too much about things that don't matter and she cares too little about things that do. she won't tell me, but i know she hates herself sometimes, only that she's too ashamed to call it that. i also know that she likes herself too. she likes looking at her face in the mirror, and she thinks she looks good in collared shirts all the way buttoned even though her other friends tell her that it isn't fashionable. my best friend likes talking about herself, and i tell her that it's alright, but i don't tell her to not go too far. 

my best friend exchanges strips of their skin for shred of poetic value. they know that they're a good writer and they like their own writing, but they need to prove that to themselves again every time they pick up a pen after awhile. i can see the way they copy others' styles because there's nothing they feel like they can't find inspiration in themselves. i know that when their lights go out, they'll stay up for hours more under the glare of the laptop screen, just trying to write about something they'll never have. they'll keep me up with them, explaining why they don't write about beautiful things like lovers or hipbones or mirages. they tell me that they feel too nostalgic to put into words, and i tell them that they're just mourning a memory. their writing means nothing really, just ordinary things like me and them. they pay a dime a definition, a dollar for making the meaningful meaningless. my best friend is a writer, but pride's a full cup and there's too much to drink without wasting all of it. 

"how will we go from here?" 

"just
forward." 

"which way is forward?" 

"whichever direction my feet are pointing." 


i really don't know if i love my best friend, only that i don't hate her. there are many things i wish i could say to her but don't. again, i tell her that it'll be alright, but i don't know if she believes me. i don't waste those words now; i throw my arms around her shoulders and tell her i'll stay for a very long time. 

this time, i hope she does believe me. 



 
inspired by poetri's "My best friend Riley gets sad sometimes" and taking elements from paisley blue's "how the sunlight shines". 

lackluster but alright. this was a bit of an experiment (it's the same person the entire piece) and i'll end this here for my own sake, just msg me if you're curious. also, i know i sound kind of self-deprecating here, but i promise i'm alright lol. i could go on, but i'll just end it here by saying that i'm grateful for this prompt for reasons that are too sappy to talk about. love you all, and rest assured i know who y'all are even if you don't know me lmao. may the next decision you make bring you happiness. 

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  • November 11, 2020 - 7:18pm (Now Viewing)

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20 Comments
  • inanutshell

    this is so damn clever & poignant. love how you've infused all these traits/fears/small moments in each pronoun & how each one represents something completely different to you. "they pay a dime a definition, a dollar for making the meaningful meaningless. my best friend is a writer, but pride's a full cup and there's too much to drink without wasting all of it." echoing everyone else's praises & calling this piece for what it is - beautiful.


    11 months ago
  • don't you see the starlight (#TS)

    wow. as always, i'm blown away and slightly incomprehensible. this prompt was so neat. it sure made me look a little deeper at myself when i did it.


    11 months ago
  • ~madeline~

    Re: thanks! XD


    11 months ago
  • sunny.v

    re: haha thanks man


    11 months ago
  • Dmoral

    okay i'm officially obsessed with this trend and you picked wonderful authors for inspiration, i adore both of those lovelies


    11 months ago
  • sunny.v

    awww im guessing this was written around the time you asked about pronouns! i like the way you used all three pronouns to refer to yourself in this, it just seemed...exploratory? yeah! anyways, you describe yourself so well here, from the way you talk about collared shirts to the way you talk about what writing is to you and how it's. an experience, a work in progress. i like the way you talked about the world spinning too fast!! that was an incredibly poignant symbol to use and it was absolutely gorgeous. and even if it's like. awkward. to comment on stanzas where writers are kinda roasting themselves, i even like the first stanza, where you get into the nitty gritty of yourself and what you deem to be flaws. have i mentioned that i love the way you describe yourself throughout this whole piece? i dont just mean the piece, but the *way*. it's all so. disembodied, but present. does that make sense? probably not. insert sappy ending message here where i tell you i love you endlessly except i end it with a joke to dispel it but then i give you sappy hearts and another sappy message. <3


    11 months ago
  • Rachaelgrace

    Beautiful! Absolutely gorgeous!


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: awww thx, same goes for you! <3


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: yeah lol you're in luck ;) and yeah, i have thought about she/they pronouns--i mean, really it just depends on the day. thanks for the support <333 it means a lot to me


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: yeah um so actually i think i'm a demigirl, so sometimes it depends on the day but i use either she/her or they/them pronouns? i think? um so you can probably use whichever you prefer, or just... idk, ask, because it changes, but... yeah. sometimes i might ask you to use one or the other. for the most part you're probably just safe using they/them. idk. really, it's confusing even to me! :() sorry like i said, you can kinda just choose, probably.


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: haha they're super fun! :)

    oh, before i forget, can i ask your pronouns? if you're comfortable sharing? sorry i just don't want to get anything wrong.


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: haha yeah i basically talked about it so much that they had to join just to get me to stop XD you might have seen them around, idk, they're Abby.a, Lexi Birken, ReaganGrace, Lilyaa1, ~sunshinebaby~, and Kiwibird. They're all really good--you should check out their stuff!! :)
    Haha sorry you probably didn't need to know all of that lol


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: I know right! Like, especially now that I'm in all distance for school im just on here 24/7. and i got like 6 of my irl friends to join so we're just all hanging out... yeah :)


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: oh yeah, i totally get all that--wtw was a little sad for a while. but its been fun lately when some of the old people are coming back and there are so many talented newbies! :)
    So good that you figured some stuff out with pronouns--so did i :) apparently third-person poetry works wonders XD


    11 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    I love your best friend, Chrys, even if you don't. <3


    11 months ago
  • AirConditioner

    This was absolutely beautifully written. I read it and I was blown away. woaaaahhsskkii broossskkiii The way you incorporated different pronouns really highlighted different facets of your personality. You were able to establish and show us a complex relationship in such a short piece. The ending really hit home for me and I would just like to say fabulous job.


    11 months ago
  • maryse

    The aesthetic you create here is on point. Such an interesting read. Generally, just wow!


    11 months ago
  • dahlia

    this is a piece that needs to be read from the edges, to be carefully dissembled. i love how you explore different pronouns here. from this, i can almost grasp a bit more of you as multiple identities (?), which is just lovely.

    "their writing means nothing really, just ordinary things like me and them." god, if i could tell you how much your writing means. yes, this is self-deprecating, and achingly so. hope you're doing alright <3


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    oh my goodness... poetri basically said it all. beautiful isn't strong enough to describe this. it broke my heart and then mended it and then broke it again, in the best ways possible. that bit at the end... wow. " they tell me that they feel too nostalgic to put into words, and i tell them that they're just mourning a memory." this pretty much did me in. wow. um. yeah.
    Personally, i really loved using this as a way to try out pronouns, and i'm so so so happy if you found that to be helpful as well <333 gosh this is so good. i need to like... wow. i'm gonna bookmark this. please excuse my total lack of being able to speak right now, i'm slightly stunned. this resonated with every molecule, every cell, every atom in me. wow. incredible.
    if you ever want to chat, lmk <333 don't worry, i'm constantly too sappy--if you want to talk through it, i'd be happy to listen <333 i miss hearing from you but whenever you come it is a joy to read your work. hopefully we can keep in touch <333
    wow. yeah. i'm gonna go read this about a billion more times.


    11 months ago
  • poetri

    God God God between the pronoun usage and the fact that you didn't write it as poetry but made it that perfect mix of poem/prose and the subtle bits of slang thrown in with your beautiful language...I mean I'm stunned. This is absolutely gorgeous and I know it's going to be one of those pieces I'll go back to and reread and try to analyze when I can't sleep at night. I like to tell people lovely work or great job, and I always mean it, ya girl's not a liar, but I feel like saying something like that you is an understatement. So I'll stand here in my weak applause that nobody else can hear--I love this.


    11 months ago