Peer Review by BizzleWrites (Australia)

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You'll Find me by the Sea (excerpt) Review4Review??

By: Abigail Faith


FREE WRITING

"I owe you so much, Ben. I've had a vacation money can't buy."

Though she didn't realize it, a sorrowful expression had swept over her freckled face. Threads of sandy hair flew softly in the wind. She hadn't realized how much she had changed over the past year. She was taller than before, and thinner. She was also stronger, and healthier. And her eyes sparkled like the sea. Ben sat half leaned back against the dune, sifting the pale sand through his fingers so nonchalantly, that it made Cora almost angry at him.

 "Well... aren't you going to miss me?" she teased, "even a little?"

To her astonishment, the steady boy paused. A far away look came over his face, and he gazed out over the leaping waves, to where the sea touched the sky. Gulls called, their voices, near, and then far away, like the waves. Ben picked up a sea stone, all rounded and perfect from the tide. He turned it over in his palm, his fingers slowly tracing it's smooth sides, before hurling it out over the ocean. Ripples floated in every direction, and then they calmed, and it was quiet, except for the gulls and the wind. 
 "You once told me something," Ben's caring, tender nature sifting through, revealing that so seldomly discovered soft side of him.

 "You said that when you are here, you can taste the delicious blue sky. You can count the throbs of the earth's heart beating... you can soar with the wind, like a bird, over the hills and valleys." 
His voice was low, and far away...  as far as the moon is from the sun. 

"You're the only person in the world, Cora, who can make me believe that." He looked out over the water once more, the wind tousling his chestnut brown hair. He plucked a blade of grass, and stroked it, thoughtfully, before lifting his head, to show the tenderness in his deep brown eyes. 

 "I need you, Cora... I need you to help me see things with such beauty as you can put into them." 


Message to Readers

Name suggestions??
ANYTHING you can critique is appreciated!!!!


Peer Review

The soft dialogue between the characters is AMAZING. It really feels like they know each-other really well. The beautiful seen-setting is really great too, with so much detail you really feel like you're there.


Understanding more about Ben would be good. Maybe a bit about how he got to be like this, or his background. I also can't tell how old the characters are, so including something about that would be good, though I'd guess maybe late teens or early twenties.


Reviewer Comments

This piece is really good, the characters feel like real people and the story is intriguing. Keep writing, whether it be on this piece or a different one.