Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Please review! Review for review. I know it isn't very good at the moment and it could do with a lot of improvements. Any comments would be appreciated also! :) have a great day!
This was a really amazing, and really sad story. It was captivating, making you wonder how Adeline was going to die, and making you hope that Fern would be able to bring her happiness first.
The idea of an angel getting drunk is not something I had thought of before, given they seem so flawless, it's amusing to see it put like this. The character Adeline seemed very sad, so it made it all the more tragic for her to finally be happy and die only four days later. I think showing Fern's worry and sadness about her new friend dying would make her emotions feel more real, despite her being an angel.
Including Fern getting her fake ID would definitely be cool. Where did she get if from? Was it hard to acquire? Did it come will information on how to act? It would also be an opportunity to add some humor to a very sad story.
I think it's America, but more detail would be good. At the start of Fern's time on earth, including stuff about what exactly it was she was seeing that was so strange. Things you could include are trees, rivers, vending machines, MacDonald's or some other fast food, and small children. Being an angel, I can't imagine she sees that many kids where she lives.
This story was captivating and tragic. It makes the reader think about how a nice person can effect people, and how sad it is to die young. I think this is a really good story, and you're a really great writer. Keep writing!
A bit more description of the characters' appearance might be good. Is Adeline wearing a school uniform? Jeans and a My Chemical Romance T-shirt? A polka-dotted skirt and a red blouse? Feel free to use any of those descriptions I just listed. Also, keep writing!