Peer Review by Cosmogyral (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


blood / mouth

By: aosora


FREE WRITING


lonely mouth shapeshifts into icicle, and another reluctant tear drinks itself to sleep. somehow, old bones steel themselves numb in face of granite, blue-bottle granite. i am in the throes of solemn desolation; none of my hollow frivolousness is an admission of guilt, or perhaps worse; despair.
this is a word. this is another. these are letters stuck between rheumatic teeth. God, how good, how great, how limp my heart, how struck dog my chest. the prayers have soldered themselves on the roof of my mouth; puppet-master singing, puppet-master selling my tongue by the pound five times a day. who am i if not unholy pieces of skin? who am i if not setting places of worship ablaze? who am i if not counterfeit plaster saint?
what surreptitious silences. so much abomination pressed into degloved bone compartment. bullet shell cosmetics. my gnarled frame, hem of the universe. my gnarled frame, hem of the universe. 

 

i want you to fear this. 

Peer Review

The description of changing season, it's tense and complicated. That's something I truly enjoy about a piece when communicated directly.


do you mean to want to fear? or are you fearing the thought of said reaction?


Reviewer Comments

normally, i hate repetition, it's almost never done right, but you're a natural bradbury.