Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Yes I'll be accepting Review for Reviews from now on, I've finally completed the first draft of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel free to ask me to review your piece!
Some things I want help with:
- Making my writing more artsy by decorating it with metaphors and literary devices
- Better vocabulary terms
- Fixing up plot holes
Yeah basically everything that can be fixed for a piece of writing. Thanks!
Comparing a clone to an angel is really beautiful, I think. And I like how you twisted to story to where the clones are just like any other human - it's just that they were hurt for being imperfect. Oh, and I just loved the dynamic between K209's stubborn, strong personality and E785's timid, caring personality!
I think all of us have that anger at the rest of the world to some degree, so K209's perspective on life is understandable....he reminds me of a vigilante for clones lol
We got a little backstory on K209 to explain why he's the way he is, but I wouldn't mind a little backstory on E785 too - just so that the reader can glean why she's "softer" than K209 - if that makes sense?
The setting of this sounded like the future? Maybe an alternate reality? Definitely a dystopia with the harsh way clones are treated vs human humans.... I actually also imagined a city whose boundaries are walled...so K209 just burned down the whole city.... very movie-esque and compelling, too :)
I've never read anything like this, and I'm so glad that you wrote it! Now I have a new fantasy world to think about when I'm bored :)
and I love the planning you have going on in your footnotes - I can't wait to see the next draft!!
I hope this helped you somewhat- sorry in advance about the annoying grammar comments :/
I hope you're having a lovely day/night, and I wish you the best of luck in the competition! <3