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Message to Readers
Any type of review would be nice really. All constructive criticism and feedback helps writing improve.
You make this simple scene of searching for someone in the fog sound so mysterious, and it keeps me going! And this is one of the magic tricks of a great writer; making something ordinary seem extraordinary.
The whole beginning does well with this, how Johannes and Marie seem to be free and happy children, and how Marie is a caring character which is shown through her helping the girl in the fog. However, you should build up more with your characters. What is the relationship between Johannes and Marie? What are some of their habits (for example, character A is never able to tell a joke without laughing, and this would be noted)? What aura surrounds them?
You should expand more on why Marie wanted to be heroic and find the person in the fog for more concept in the story, as so far the excerpt has simply been about being lost in a fog and finding someone (there seems to be a lack of theme). What I was thinking was changing the story so that Johannes is the one who was always dismissed as "brave," and Marie wanted to seem brave in this situation, but then eventually found her decision naive. You don't need to agree with me, this was just a thought.
Overall, the lengths of everything was well planned out, and your writing is good!
So far, I can tell that it's outdoors, obviously, and it gets foggy. This is an area you should focus a little more on, which is describing the setting. As much as how setting could be summed up in one word, it's a lot more important to the story than it seems! It dives into further developed character identity! Perhaps you can give an exact location, reference the place as somewhere Johannes and Marie always plays, etc. Use more imagery and metaphors!
Keep on editing and revising this, and the piece will develop and become awesome-er than how it already is! I'm unsure if you know how to do this, you'd simply go to this piece and click "continue writing" to republish it.
Your writing style is very artsy, and giving this piece a little more thought will polish it well!
I apologize for getting back to your request a little late, I've been rather busy during the past few days. Good luck on the competition, and feel free to reach out to me!
Huba huba (haha yup, a strange username)