almost flora kane

United States

my pen name is flora kane. i'm a slytherin, infp-t, christian, and generally insane. joined 3.30.2018.

~ will do reviews on request ~

currently hoping i don't lose anyone else.

Message to Readers

i would love to know your thoughts:) have a great day.

my status in the world is currently undecided

November 6, 2020

FREE WRITING

16
I didn’t expect it to hurt so much when my friend pointed out how I could be considered popular. That wasn’t the blow, no, of course that was a compliment because I’ve always thought of myself as a weirdo. Still, in the next piece of conversation, it was also made clear to me how I’m an outcast in the “weird” group. So I don’t belong in anything, but as the teacher’s pet.

Looking at the labels which now aren’t me, it should be freeing. Right? Suddenly I’m my own person, not on either end of the spectrum. It’s disconcerting actually. I’ve tried so hard for the popular kids to think of me as not weird, and for the weird kids to think of me as not popular. Apparently, I’ve convinced no one. 

I should be enjoying this lack of pressing outside views. It’s an opportunity to remind myself of the fact that no one really knows me. Except for those who have had the time to get to know me. (Which is not many people, yet more than some.) I can’t enjoy it though. Without my labels, I’m just me, and that’s scary.

Labels are my security blanket to avoid people getting too close. Without them I’m afraid others will figure out I’m not as amazing or crazy than they might’ve thought. That I’m just another girl struggling through high school, and in many things, I’m not good enough.

Maybe, somehow, that’s good. It might be a bit of a, “Hey world! Turns out I’m human just like you thought!” Or a pinch of, “Wow, you’re not alone in feeling like crap sometimes!” Perhaps that’s going to be helpful to someone that I meet somewhere in some other time when I can actually meet people. 

Either way, guess what? No matter how many times I say popularity doesn’t matter to me, I’ll still care about what others think. Hmmmm, isn’t it lovely being green?


~f
i wrote this a while ago like the last one, but i'm bringing it out now because it kind of connects to what i've been dealing with like the piece ​internal ramblings of someone who is so stupid they don't believe they're enough. (shameless plug)

i would love to know your thoughts:) have a great day.

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  • November 6, 2020 - 9:58am (Now Viewing)

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10 Comments
  • anemoia (#words)

    wow, this hit hard. i can't claim to understand anyone's struggles, because they're all unique, but i definitely feel some of this. especially "I’ve tried so hard for the popular kids to think of me as not weird, and for the weird kids to think of me as not popular." because i think that's me too often. most of my vb team consists of "popular girls" and i get along with them fine. i do that fake little laugh and shake my head and realize that i actually like some of them as people. but i never feel at home with them. with my "nerdy" group, i feel at ease, like i belong, except when my friends say things like "people just like you" and "you're kind of popular" and stuff. and that sounds sort of arrogant, i know. sorry. but when they say these things, idk what to say, because they're not wrong, but they're also not like me in that respect. i wouldn't be able to honestly say to them, "you're kind of popular."
    and yeah, no matter what, "I’ll still care about what others think."


    6 months ago
  • Rachaelgrace

    Ooo this is so good! Nice job!


    6 months ago
  • Deleted User

    Ooh, I really enjoy the way you write! It's very captivating :D Amazing job on this!!


    6 months ago
  • katnissromanoff

    Wow, this piece is really amazing, it's so beautiful and really makes you think.
    Re: I know right!?!! I can't stand it!!! Rory and Jess are meant to be lol


    6 months ago
  • tas (yellowbrickrd)

    this really hit home. i've just moved schools and i told myself that at this school i would push myself out of my comfort zone and be friends with the loud 'popular kids'. however it was just not fun and i rarely felt included. so i've ended up playing cards with a few closer friends. i totally get the whole hiding behind labels. you fit a stereotype and then it doesn't feel like you have to explain yourself anymore. it so much easier. anyway, we are all just ordinary in our own ways. from the few comments we've exchanged you seem really nice. id love to get to know you better!


    6 months ago
  • kealoha

    Wow, this is so powerful. amazing writing <3


    6 months ago
  • mirkat

    let me just say i totally understand this. these lines tugged at me: "No matter how many times I say popularity doesn’t matter to me, I’ll still care about what others think." and yeah. you try not to. and sometimes i say other ppl's thoughts don't bother me/influence me. but they do. i don't know-- this reminds me off my current ongoing dilemia of being a "real" teenager (which i don't exactly feel like) and acting like a kid and advocating for human rights and climate change and stuff like that. i feel like books and movies have toxically glamorized being a teenager and i just don't fit in that and i know that's okay but what if i want to fit? anyway. very thought provoking, relatable, beautiful piece. i want to get to know you better! <3<3<3


    6 months ago
  • Mpm#1

    It’s confusing isn’t it? I don’t know that I fit into any groups or stereotypes either... I just kind of do what I please. You seem like a lovely individual so don’t worry. :)


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Aww thank you! <3
    Ooh I'm glad you liked it. Yay! Sarah is incredible.


    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Wow... this is really... yeah. I dont know what to say. Im sorry you feel like you don't fit in :( that is one of the worst feelings in the world. <33 you are unique and special and just being you is enough <333


    6 months ago