Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I could really use title suggestions....
Also is there too much tell and not enough show?
Please let me know.
Your descriptions were gorgeously vivid, and I absolutely loved the way you introduced your characters and panned your verbal camera over the scene.
You do a fantastic job introducing characters, and fleshing out their unique personalities in the text. I really love how you give readers a look into Estelle's thoughts and worries, and your prose is lovely and descriptive.
The general structure of this excerpt was smooth and compelling, and the progression of events was interesting and realistic. You use a lot of detail to describe Estelle's and Yvette's encounter, and I'd love to see you extend a similar focus to the two girls' encounter with Mama Sylvie. I understand the word limit, but at some points, I found the transition between scenes a bit abrupt, and I was a little lost in some scenes. I've highlighted a few paragraphs to give you a better idea of what I mean. The main idea to take away from this is to ensure a balance of detail throughout your excerpt.
I've also noticed a few minor typos and grammatical throughout this excerpt, and I've highlighted a few sentences that can be improved on. Other than that, this excerpt was just about flawless. Something I've found really helpful is to read your piece aloud once you've finished writing your first draft. While writing, don't bother with pesky grammar, and just get all your amazing ideas out. Then, once you've finished, read your piece aloud, slowly and naturally. That way, you can spot any grammatical errors or any awkward-sounding sentences that can be revised. As I've said, I've pointed out a few of these, but I've leaving the rest for you to discover!
Oh yes, the setting was just magical. As I've said, your descriptions are just jam-packed with beautiful metaphors and imagery that seemed to explode out of the text and blast my retinas with all their glory. Unless you'd like to add more details, your descriptions are the furthest thing from "tell", and the very incarnation of "show".
This novel excerpt was stunning, and I'd love to read on! I swear novels are like these furious beasts that refused to be wrangled and lassoed (to date, I myself have never finished one), but I'm sure you can do way better than me and make it all the way to the end! Keep writing, and remember to stay refreshed and excited by taking plenty of breaks.
This novel excerpt was superbly written, and I loved your descriptions! If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me and I'll be happy to help. :D