Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I'm hoping if you can read and give me tips with what I can add for more depth. I'm intending for the stanzas before "And now I sit at my desk" (or something similar to that) to be past tense, then from there I am in present. But I'm kind of unsure how to deal with that. I am not very good with consistent tenses.
This was a really lovely poem - I loved how you conveyed the narrator's shift in emotions throughout the piece. Each shift was really smooth, and the imagery and wording used was highly vivid and melodic.
You've provided a ton of fantastic details in this poem, and I think there isn't a need to expand the richly vivid emotional musings of the narrator. However, I would suggest the opposite - trimming the sentences a little to convey the full impact of the narrator's conclusions. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved your statements, and I don't think any substantial edits or restructures are necessary. Just a tiny shift in phrase position or a little pruning here and there will help make this poem even more powerful than it already is. I've highlighted a few phrases to illustrate this. I notice that you've expressed concern about tenses throughout the poem, and that's totally fine. Tenses can be daunting! Since you want to express the thoughts of the narrator in the present, while relating to the narrator's past, the key thing to remember is to keep track of your tenses and maintain consistency. One way to help is to pretend each stanza is a hunk of plain white play-dough. Let's say that you have a few glasses with weird lenses. Looking through yellow-tinted frames, you see the play-dough as completely yellow. Relating to the tense, think of the yellow shades as being a cast of consistent tenses. When you're looking through the yellow shades, or into the past, the stanza has past-tense verbs throughout. I hope that wasn't too confusing, but reading your poem aloud can also help you find any odd-sounding tenses or phrases.
Keep up the amazing writing! I'd love to read more poetry and short stories from you. If you have any questions, just ask me, I'll be happy to help. :3