Peer Review by Ash (United States)

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& counting

By: Christine Betts


PROMPT: Subtotals

Number of apartments I've lived in: 1. Number of houses: 2. Number of original Nancy Drew novels I've read: 56. Number of Hardy Boys: 2. Number of Seinfeld seasons I own on DVD: 9. Number of boyfriends I've had: 0. Number of dates I've been on: 5. Number of flowers I've picked: 67. Number of songs I can play by heart on the piano: 2. Number of socks I've lost: 17. Number of miles I've biked: 2,097. Number of miles I've run: 523. Number of races I've won: 0. Number of bronze medals I own: 4. Number of times I've biked to school: 1. Number of B's I've gotten in my life: 1. Number of siblings I have: 0. Number of jobs I've worked: 3. Number of regrets: 0; the truth: 464. Number of people I've disappointed: 7. Number of fish I've owned: 5. Number of lucky pennies I've found face up: 72; face down: 73. Number of jars of peanut butter I've eaten: 727. Number of times I've been on the roof: 2. Number of people who've changed my life: 17. Number of lives I hope I've changed: 5. Number of pugs I've googled: 8,000. Number of solos I've played on my oboe: 6. Number of rejections I've received: 43.



Peer Review

I like the line about the number of lives you hope you've changed. The phrasing shows you're not arrogant and are modest enough to consider that they might not have actually been changed. The fact you included this subtotal shows that you see yourself as kind, caring, and altruistic.


Active (biking and running)
Nerdy (the fact three series are listed relatively early on along with the numbers of dates and long-time partners you've had. Also the fact you've only gotten one B in your life)
Romantic (the fact you listed dates and boyfriends, along with the numbers of flowers you've picked and people who've changed your life).


Reviewer Comments

You might want to group similar subtotals together, like putting the subtotal of songs you can play by heart on the piano next to the subtotal of songs you've played on your oboe. Putting the lucky pennies subtotal in front of the number of regrets you have would ease the reader into the topic you're hinting at since they have similar emotions tied to them. I really like your list of subtotals. They revealed a lot about you. Grouping subtotals that deal with similar concepts can add clarity so that every reader can fully understand what you're trying to convey.