Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Hope all of you enjoy my first fiction story, there will also be a surprise later on so stay tuned!
It's an engaging story, like, really, some things were hard to pass by grammatically, but dude, I have So. Many. Questions!
How is Marissa so ready to give up??? How is Hyun Soo suddenly going from distant character to panicking?!?! There is so much more I want to read, but no, you had to go and end it there!
There's actually not enough light on the main character, I get the feeling that the family is in a desperate and dire situation, but the main character seems out of focus in comparison to the side characters. The biggest thing is about Hyun Soo, is there a picture of her and Aurora in the garage? If there was, are they hugging each other, and what is Hyun Soo talked to that picture instead of incoherently to herself?
Indications! I'll go more into it in the next question set, but for now, pick up the sense of urgency to each character, engage your reader, but be sure to make it realistic. The author's own thoughts mingle with the plot clearly, and I'm not yet sure if it's a good or bad thing, but be careful not to let your own voice distract the reader from the characters. There's something casual about this piece, in a good way that says you're comfortable with the genre, and confident too. But it also mixes with the intended communication of the characters.
I'd actually like to know a bit more about a=Aurora, too. Does she smile a lot? What is it about here that makes these people so unhappy about her disappearance from their lives?
The overall tone could use a little more communication on the sense of urgency, it's harder to judge the genre from movies, where you have sound indicators. Have a character widen their eyes, or space off in their daily life, small indicators of how the plot affects each character. I'm not that confident in my geography, but I'd take a gander of Western to SouthWest Asia? I think of the family in a big city where the hustle and bustle of the day disrupt the case, but you say there is a forest, so not a place too big, maybe even a suburbian sort of city.
The piece lacks a bit of finesse, but you've got a great start! Keep hold you your novel and it'll develop beautifully!
Don't get sidetracked by separate plots of characters, if you stray too far, the piece will become disconnected. Happy writing!
An indication of the initial word count (Minus the added title at the beginning) would be a helpful indicator to the reviewer of what they should suggest, it's just so we can keep in mind the initial wordcount while typing our suggestions, you don't have to, but if you do, feel free to type it into the footnotes. :)
I apologize for nitpicking, but this is such a good plot to try out, and I am so happy I read it, if you find yourself with the time, please post this from chapter one!