AJ - Izzy

Canada

How to write all of me in less than 10 seconds?

Hmm, let me think... how about DREAMER?

Yup. That works.

Message to Readers

"Go easy on yourself today. Whatever you do today, let it be enough. You're okay."
- (me?)

With a message in the footnotes
The link to Lavender Girl (the prequel to
this, emotionally speaking) can be found
here :https://writetheworld.com/group
s/1/shared/199180/version/406266

Voicemail

November 1, 2020

FREE WRITING

19
The call starts
---
I'm trembling, my hand clutching the phone tightly in a shaky fist. The corners dig into my palm, threatening to draw blood, as though it was the only thing holding me on the ground. 
Persistent, ring after ring. After ring.
I exhale, trying to still the quivering, push the monster away.
Nothing.
Silence.
No answer.
The robotic voicemail drills  
Into my darkened mind; monsters lurk, slipping in through the cracks
They growl, burrowing deeper. 
Your Call Has Been Forwarded to An Automatic Voice Messaging System.
I hold my breath... 
"Grace"
 A happy voice cheerfully fills my mind
The confidence in her smiling sound, traumatizing,
So damn different from the sadness that haunts my thoughts, drawing on those monsters. 
This young, joyful girl
Her beautiful, warm soul
Touched my aching heart
            Shattering it to   p  i  e  c  e  s.
The air escapes my lungs, gone.
I
           b
              r
                e
                  a
                     k

 down... 
Falling to the ground
Tears in my eyes
The pain wrapping its arms around me, holding me tightly
Trapped in its hostile arms, in its poisoned, suffocating hold. 
Please Leave A Message After The Tone. After Leaving A Message, You Can Hang Up Or Press Pound For More Options.
Beeep.
Silence.
My voice trembles
everything trembles
The world trembles
My cursed world, weak puzzle pieces
unable to hold on to each other, tirelessly struggling to stay afloat in an ocean of overwhelming monsters in my head. 
The ground disappears
Choking darkness muffles the joy, snuffs out the happy. 
Nothing.
except that voice, that sound
That memory.
ringing,
        ringing, 
                ringing
"Breath", I gasp to myself, tears freely falling.
"Get up. Say something", the monsters hiss. 
A beat.
    Hey girl
    How are you doing?

Hands shaking, voice trembling,
"Keep going", their lips curl up maliciously.
    I got your message.
    If you ever need anything

A sob catches in my throat
    I'm here for you.
    Anything

I stop, chest rising and falling fast
    If you can, give me a call,
    I love you, and I miss you so much.
    See you soon, okay?
    I'll see you soon.

Words escape me.
My voice dissolves, unable to utter another word; another betrayal in the list of thousands.
I've lost this time... lost to the darkness, to the monsters.
Wrapped in the chains of my own mind. 
---
The call ends. 
 
Hey there, thank you for all the support I've gotten so far; it helps to bring out that smile :)
A little update, this is for the Lavender Girl, just a small crumb of the shaky path I'm trying to walk down. It's a struggle, but hey as long as I keep walking, I'll get there eventually. 
Any prayers (for her) would be greatly appreciated. <3

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  • November 1, 2020 - 4:53pm (Now Viewing)

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10 Comments
  • Deleted User

    Re: Thank you! Ha ha, glad I got the chance to blow your mind!!!XD


    4 months ago
  • Mpm#1

    Re: Thanks so much! Hmmmm I’ll have to listen to that!
    Wow....... man this made me feel things...


    4 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    Wow. so much heart wrenching emotion. those dreaded words when you leave a voicemail never felt more daunting than in this poem.
    Re: thank you so much for the feedback. yes, i can smell the autumnness too! crisp, yet warm. cozy, yet fresh. musty, yet sweet. to clarify: not all of my usernames will relate to autumn. they will either relate to the season or the month. like, i don't know if i'm going to do a christmas one for december or just a winter one for dec-jan and maybe feb. or i might do a valentine's one in feb (but prob not.) then in march i'll do a spring one. so it will be mostly seasonal, but occasionally it will be month-based (like how october was different because of halloween).
    does that make sense?
    since i was the one explaining it, probably not, but i try.


    4 months ago
  • Deleted User

    Wow, this is just... So raw! I love the way you put it together!
    Re: Thanks so much :)


    4 months ago
  • Molly_

    oh damn. I came here to say thank you and that this pandemic is really awful, but that was so powerful. I hope you're doing okay, but this was incredible. It was so raw, so irrefutably heart wrenching. It's an amazing piece of writing, but I do really hope everything gets better. The path will persist, and soon you'll be at the end of it. Take care <3


    4 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    wow... wow. i'm---
    wow
    i dont know what to say. Praying for her and for you <33


    4 months ago
  • books4life

    this is amazing.....the perfect poem! re: awww thank you!!! :) sammmmmmme!


    4 months ago
  • em wilder

    oh.... beutiful and these lines: "The pain wrapping its arms around me, holding me tightly" i feel you. your footnote is also amazing and i will be thinking of Lavender Girl.... gosh, what a perfect poem.... anyway, i will think of your lavender girl. best wishes! <3<3<3
    re: awww, yeah! brothers are a pain in the ass most of the time, but sometimes you just love em to bits hehe. thanks! <3


    4 months ago
  • beth r.

    this is so beautiful! the format is breathtaking- and i'll be praying :)


    4 months ago
  • Hazen

    She's in my thoughts, and you too. Love winging your guy's way.


    4 months ago