Rose!

United States

Message to Readers

I will take any feedback I can get wether grammar or something that is to unclear.

What If I Die prologue

October 30, 2020

FREE WRITING

9


Go to North Korea. This voice rang bold and persistent in my head. What is that voice? Or who? I walk briskly down the beautiful library stairs staring at all the stunning books that surrounded the room. I fumbled the books in my hands shifting my weight in confusion as I stared down the couple flights I have left. The voice distracted me long enough though to not notice a man running up the stairs. He must have not noticed me either, and we collide and rolled down massive amounts of stars together. I was sprawled awkwardly but I couldn't get up yet. I gathered the scattered books in my hands together again and sat there staring at the man who knocked me off the mountain of beauty that was the library.
I realized my staring just made everything worse but before I could say anything to break the awkwardness, “I am so sorry. Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” The guy got up from his own sprawled out position and brushed off the dirt that was nonexistent on his business suit. His golden hair struck me with the brilliance like the sun. I didn’t know what to do I almost swerved but I control my facial expression like I do every day then it hit me. This man is the man I work for. Liam. This man doesn’t even know I exist in his own household. Liam.
“Lauren, right? Oh, I’ve seen you around school. You’re an amazing show jumper, though I’m not really into sports. I can really get to babbling sometimes.” he seems really confident looking down at my disoriented face “You’re really pretty.” I looked down at my old Beatles t-shirt and sisters jeans when I finally got up. I instinctively straightened my shirt. Then made sure my hair was not all messy like it probably is from not caring enough to braid it this morning. I can’t believe this is happening to me. “You have to let me repay you. How about lunch with me? I’ll buy, of course.” He held his arm out for me to grab and I did as he moved to walk out of the library. 
“Yes, that would be great.” I didn’t let my expression get ahead of me. I didn’t need him to leave before I could eat. This isn't anything, this is just lunch with a person who I knocked down the whole flight of stairs and potentially hurt or worse, he knows who I am and will fire us all. A person that I’ve grown up with. A person who doesn’t even know I exist and we live in the same house.
 North Korea. The voice echoed in my head this time, more louder than before. A phone number followed and I knew instantly what I had to do.
“Excuse me, I need to make a call” I broke from Liam just for a split second pulling my flip phone out of my back pocket, thankful that it wasn't broken. Started dialing the number that was stuck in my head now. I want to see, what could this be? fate? destiny? No, those things don’t exist, but God does. 
“Hello,” I whispered awkwardly into the phone as a man who runs one of the Romanian churches answered the phone.
“How did an American get this number?” His voice was loud and cheerful, but his accent was a little harder to decipher.
“God.” I said the word casually but both of us know the impact of his name. “I want to go on the trip. You don’t know me. But you need to trust me. I do know a voice told me to call and I believe you are going to to-“
“Yes... we could use more help. I will call this number with the details later. And that voice the one in your head is God. He loves to talk so be willing to listen. Your life may depend on it one day, Lauren. Lauran.” The man hung up, leaving me. I walked back to Liam interlocking my arm with his again and walked off to wherever he was taking me for lunch. I was way too hungry to let the offer go. And Liam was being way too nice.
What if I Died is my YA Christian novel that I am working on. I fell in love with idea and I hope you do too!

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11 Comments
  • anemoia by a thread

    Re: aw thanks! you might be able to guess who it's about... you haven't seen him since you're on "A" day, but it's a certain redhead. ;)


    6 months ago
  • Anlee

    welcome to the wtw community! we're so glad to have great writers like you join <33


    7 months ago
  • Tayyaba

    i am really curious what happens next??<3


    7 months ago
  • anemoia by a thread

    I just love this idea. I've been trying to find ways to incorporate my beliefs and God into my writing in a non-Christian based novel. I do have ideas for YA/Adult Christian novels, but right now I have a different one. I'll edit on the doc later. And of course, welcome to WtW! Love ya!


    7 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: I kept this tab open in case I needed to explain how to reply, but it looks these lovely folks beat me to the punch!
    I totally understand the idea overload lol. No worries! I can't wait to read more.


    7 months ago
  • SunV

    Okay, I cannot wait to see where you take this story, it's already so great!

    Hey! I'm SunV, and I've been on this site for over a year now! Welcome to WtW! Feel free t reach out to me for any questions you have, I'll get back to you as soon as I can!

    A small tip I give anyone new, to help with replying to comments: Don't reply on this piece. Instead, reply on a piece of the person you want to reply to. So, if you want to reply to this comment, go to one of my pieces (Which you can do by viewing my profile; published pieces) and reply there. This way, I will get a notification when you do reply. If you reply here, I won't get a notification, and will most probably never read your reply. Usually, replies start with re: or replying:.

    Also, I wold love to get to know more about you! Fill in your bio and message to readers by updating your profile! You can get to know others by looking at their profiles!

    Once again, welcome to Write the World! I hope you have a wonderful time here! And I can't wait to see more!


    7 months ago
  • Stone of Jade

    hey! This is great! Just wanted to welcome you to WtW and explain about replying to comments (i see you tried to reply to Anne). In order for them to be notified/see the comment, you have to reply on one of *their* pieces. That way they see a notification. All you do is start your comment with replying/re: and they'll know what you are doing.
    Welcome to WtW! Hope to see you on here more!


    7 months ago
  • Deleted User

    Oooh, I already like where this is going! Nice job, keep it up!!!


    7 months ago
  • Rose!

    Thank you so much Anne Blackwood that really helps. I have struggled a lot with moving to quick because I have so many thoughts on how my plot should move but this really helps.


    7 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Wow, this is really interesting!! SO excited for you to finally post the first bit of the book I've been hearing about. I'm already very invested in this story. I love the central feature that God is in the story.
    A critique I do have is that this is a bit hard to process what with the lack of indentation and huge paragraphs. It's a simple fix that will make a lot more people want to read it. One more thing: The interaction with Liam is a bit confusing. If he's the one she works for and they've never spoken, why does he suddenly say so much about how he feels about her? I feel like you could justify it with a thought from Lauren that goes something like "He always had that nervous compulsion to say everything he thought, but why would he be thinking so much about me?" I guess what I'm saying is the plot just moves really quickly between the word vomit, inviting her to go to lunch with him, and her making that phone call. I encourage you to slow down and choose one or two (justified) things to move the plot along and introduce the other thing(s) later so as to not confuse the reader. Like he could ask her to lunch later after realizing she's limping, was made late, or had one of the books ruined.
    Sorry for that long comment!! I would've written a review, but at the moment I don't really have the energy to complete all of those steps. I hope this helps. :)


    7 months ago
  • LaurenBeeWrites

    Yay!! Your first post!!! Welcome to WTW! I’ll message the user I was talking about via comments! <3


    7 months ago