mirkat

United States

she/her│infp-a
est. 10/15/20

in love with the world

Message to Readers

see footnote!

these altered truths iii.-- celestial

November 2, 2020

FREE WRITING

35

i think in another
                          lifetime
i could be a ballet dancer

gracefully
               crashing
                             into space and
                             into time

i would    t    o    u    c    h    

the     s
       t
           a
       r
            s 
                                        
and converse with the    p  l  a  n  e  t  s   


    how light carries on endlessly even after death


we would    w
                h    i
               s      p
                 e  r

to each other throughout the night...

they would tell me their
ancient secrets
                      of supernovas past
                      and universes future


    with shortness of breath, you explained the infinite


and i-- i just might find myself
in the endless void
of     l    o    s    t     souls
and unanswered questions

the inky sky...
the deepness of it all...

it goes on and on,
stretching into
                    the future and into
                    the past

in this moment it's just       m
                                         e


     that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes


the beating of my
                            heart and the rise and fall of my
                            chest

and maybe i don't
                   need to know who i am?
maybe being
           alive and
           here and
           safe is enough?


    how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist



maybe, just
                    maybe...


 
this is loosely based on the song "saturn" by sleeping at last. i got inspired to write a poem about the song from paisley blue (check her out, she's awesome), so thank you for that idea!

please check out part i. and part ii. of these altered truths if you haven't already!

finally, three questions: 1. what does this poem make you think of when you read it? no answers are "stupid"! i enjoy hearing what you guys think! 2. is the format too distracting? i know it adds to it, but is this too much? 3. what is your favorite line or the one that most reonated with you?

love you all like always and keep writing! <3 <3 <3

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  • November 2, 2020 - 9:38pm (Now Viewing)

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34 Comments
  • ~wildflower~

    Oh my, I am IN LOVE with poetry about space and the universe and the stars, and this was just INCREDIBLE! Reading it made me so happy! And I ADORE the mournful emptiness of the phrase ‘lost souls’ and I’ve used it so many times before. Also, I love the song Saturn!!! It sounds soooo beautiful, but what makes it truely exquisite is the words. The line ‘how light carries on even after death’ is my favourite line from a song ever! This is a truely phenomenal piece!!! (Also, sorry - I know this comment is a lot. I just got so excited because you just combined so many of my favourite things into one!) p.s. what an amazing format!


    10 months ago
  • ~Zoe~

    Gosh, I just saw your comment on Abrianna's post, and I thought I'd come to say hi, if your feeling how I'm feeling I'm sorry, hehe I'm been finding it so hard lately to stop from just breaking down, I just can't believe that anyone could vote for him, when I was young I thought America was just this great place and in the past 5 years I've been so disappointed and ashamed. anyways, if you ever want to talk, I'm here <3


    11 months ago
  • BinBin :)

    I love this! I would totally want a audio of this so that I could fall asleep to it :)


    11 months ago
  • Emi

    Makes me think of the universe! One of my favorite topics for poetry; lovely work here! I like how it kind of has a concrete poem feel to it.


    11 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: *sings*
    it's a ness mess, it's a ness mess
    can you tell i'm really tired because studying? i think you can but i just told you anyway so w h a t even was the point of that question? this is turning into an even messier ness mess like when anne explained to me what counties were and i said 'like baby dracula? countIE dracula?' and then got some sleep and then died the next morning


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: I definitely will take you up on that walk and tea. Sounds amazing.
    Also, I'm really glad you liked the formatting--that's exactly what I was going for! I imagined my words kind of swelling, if you know what i mean... I won't lose hope if you don't. :) hang in there, dear, we have a long ride ahead of us. Praying--for you, the country, and the world. We'll make it through this--somehow.


    11 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: OH MY GOODNESS YOU'RE MY NEW FAVOURITE PERSON
    ok
    breathe, ness
    but WOW thank you for that so much and i will also live by those quotes religiously so yeah aaand oh my goodness this is actually brilliant how did i miss this
    (typical ness comment, one or two long sentences and no punctuation before she realises she needs to stop fangirling over everyone here)
    IT'S A NESS MESS


    11 months ago
  • sunny.v

    re: thank you ever so much, dearest! blahmotions indeed. teehee <3


    11 months ago
  • A blind (young) man

    You drew my attention, especially with the line "how light carries on endlessly even after death" to how massively incomprehensibly large the universe is and yet... we are a part of it. A small part but still a part. I loved the format of this series, if it was distracting it drew attention to certain parts, lines, and gave them weight. I think the most resonating line for me was
    "maybe being
    alive and
    here and
    safe is enough?"
    coupled with:
    "how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist"
    Truly sublime, this made my day feel that much more exciting, special and fun, despite what I have to do. (Catching up with our equivalent of the DMV, the ICBC. )
    Thanks a lot for this!


    11 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    re: thank you so much!!!! you're seriously so sweet!! :)) i'm not sure if i'm going to be joining yet, i don't really have any ideas as of right now. i'll let you know if i do, though!! <33


    11 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    YOU ARE SO TALENTED. i can HEAR the song playing in my head as i read this. it's BEAUTIFUL. the unique formatting has me speechless. it adds SO much to the piece. along with the stunning vocabulary? genuinely a masterpiece. i would pick out a few lines that i love, but i can't choose 'just a few' when i adore the whole piece. seriously, this is AMAZING. if i could follow more than once, I WOULD.


    11 months ago
  • Huba Huba

    Re: Thank you so much for that comment, and how did I come up with that name? I'm not so sure myself. I have been studying ornithology lately, and it's sort of weaved it's way into my poems. I originally just wanted the piece to be about fall and the changes that occur, and ornithology came in!


    11 months ago
  • pluto-

    i absolutely loved this! this is sooo good!!!!


    11 months ago
  • dead account

    re: omg. ALLIE FINKLE WAS MY JAM. i remember i started wearing jeans under my skirts 'cause of her


    11 months ago
  • tas (yellowbrickrd)

    This is great! I will happily answer your questions.
    1. Right now in science class we are doing the origins of the universe. I was taken back to the first lesson where we turned out all the light and watched a video about the origins of the universe. It was my first day at a new school, but in that moment I just felt so calm and this piece brought back that calm and tranquility.
    2. I love the format. It makes it a more captivating read and adds to the feeling of floating.
    3. 'how light carries on endlessly even after death' this is fascinating and beautiful. The fact that light moving from far away doesn't show us the present, but the past.
    Thank you so much for this beautiful piece.


    11 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: <3


    11 months ago
  • Huba Huba

    The structure of this is so pretty!


    11 months ago
  • thedamwaterfountain

    wow, i loved this a lot!! the imagery was so beautiful & aaa the entire piece is just so gorgeous!! the lyrics interspersed between the lines was a really nice touch <3<3<3


    11 months ago
  • Tula.S

    amazing. I love "converse with the planets" and the part below, where you reveal what they would tell you. I don't know why, it is just so magical.


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: haha yeah i've been listening to the nine songs on repeat today... Eight is playing right now :)) They're SO GOOD!!! And Two is so perfect--it really captures who i am lol
    I'm really glad you like my writing :)) it means a lot to me!! <33


    11 months ago
  • Remaking_The_World

    I love how your format has developed into something so unique and beautiful! I think it words well with this piece! If I could describe my reaction to this piece in one word, I would say "marvel."
    My favorite line is
    "and maybe i don't
    need to know who i am?
    maybe being
    alive and
    here and
    safe is enough?"
    Amazing job!


    11 months ago
  • JustAnotherDarling

    congrats, you have fried my brain. i got lost in the sensation of "gracefully/ crashing/ into space and/ into time" and i'm seriously going to change my quote board to say, "with shortness of breath, you explained the infinite"
    also, the way you arrange your pieces (i don't know how to explain it, but your formatting, perhaps, is the right way to say it?) is so ingenious and makes everything so cohesive and i admire your writing endlessly! <3


    11 months ago
  • Deleted User

    WOW!!! I love this so much!
    Okay, when I read this I envisioned a ballerina dancing in space among the stars and leaping into light beams to travel through time! I know, right?
    I don't think the format is distracting at all, it actually makes reading this a lot more fun!
    My fav part was when you said,
    i would t o u c h

    the s
    t
    a
    r
    s

    and converse with the p l a n e t s
    I like the way you arranged this and it sounds really cool :D Nice work, keep it up!!!


    11 months ago
  • don't you see the starlight (#TS)

    Love the "ineffable day" on your bio!
    Re: and i am so excited that you're reading stereo tropes co. they are so funny. as doodleninja said, welcome to the Tropies! Yeah, i could see how legend is pretty typical, but i still love day and his quirks. and how he can unsettle june. and eden is so brilliant.


    11 months ago
  • doodleninja

    and third, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all those sweet comments on my Stereo Tropes Co. pieces! They all made my day a little brighter XD
    Welcome to the Tropies! <3


    11 months ago
  • doodleninja

    gaaaaaaasp, first off, LOVE THIS SONG!
    Second, beautiful writing and such pretty formatting! I think it adds to the poem in a meaningful way! It definitely made me think of someone who's content with not knowing the answers to all the questions and enjoying life in the moment :)


    11 months ago
  • Molly_

    Re: thank you so much for your comment, it means a lot! :)
    Holy hell, your writing is amazing... this is awesome. Wow. I love it!!


    11 months ago
  • Rachaelgrace

    This is really gorgeous. I love every bit of it. Wonderful job.


    11 months ago
  • LaurenBeeWrites

    Wow! Your writing never ceases to amaze me. Beautiful. It feels like words kinda just melted onto the page and formed a whole other world. Love it. Re: Thanks for the support on my latest post! I really appreciate it. Also...book suggestion, I think you would love the Shatter Me series and by the series I mean, mostly the 2nd and 3rd book but the entire series is phenomenal and reminds me some of your writing style!


    11 months ago
  • don't you see the starlight (#TS)

    wait, you read legend? by marie lu? those were awesome! and the one form eden's pov, with that stunning butterfly cover? and june and day... oh, i need to reread those, but i did really like them.


    11 months ago
  • don't you see the starlight (#TS)

    wow, that song is just... as indescribable as your poem


    11 months ago
  • don't you see the starlight (#TS)

    wow. "how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist" i'm blown away. the format must take a while to type out, but it enhances the feel and tone of the poem so much. and it asks some striking, profound questions. i loved "gracefully crashing" and "and maybe i don't
    need to know who i am?
    maybe being
    alive and
    here and
    safe is enough?"
    i'll have to check out the song. but seriously, i'm amazed. celestial themes have so much to explore and build on, and you took it to another dimension.


    11 months ago
  • Stone of Jade

    this is so so beautifully written! and the format adds to the tone in such a gorgeous way! I am constantly amazed by your poetry and writing. So so beautiful chrys! <3


    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    aaHHHHHH this is so GOOD!!!!! Wow, you really did the song justice ;) As i was reading it, I heard it in my head and it was so perfectttttt ahhhhh i love this so much!!!!
    Also thanks for the shoutout!! :)) i love reading your work :D it made my day!!


    11 months ago