Peer Review by seaomelette (United Arab Emirates)

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Alluring Anime: What about Anime makes me Lose all Sense of Time?

By: Joaquin Gonzalez


FREE WRITING

        Transcendently suspenseful action, riveting stories and schemes, comedy, evolutionary battles, unique fantasy worlds and supernatural characters--realistic drama, psychological trauma, romance, and the welding of emotions, to countless more genres; anime and manga pack bundles of entertainment and beyond.

        Anime is a Japanese hand and computer-drawn animated series.  It has a remarkable history, since for all of the limited resources that Japanese artists had to deal with decades ago, unlimited creativity would spawn for them in exchange.  I have always clicked with anime from the onset--without even realizing it.  Astro boy was my childhood totem of heroism.  I always imitated his poses, and my toddler-self would often try to undergo earthly situations with the mindset of Astro Boy.  In fact, Astro Boy was what ultimately sparked the debut of Japanese Anime.  Additionally, whenever I watch anime, I live what the characters are living, and thus, if it’s about anime, I can trumpet to my mother for countless hours, be it whatever happened in the most recent anime I watched, or trying to convince my mother to give me more anime time by listing out its benefits.  And while I express this to my mother, I am typically involved so much, I even forget that I’m using up my allotted time to watch anime.

        In essence, what makes anime so entrancing, so captivating to me, is the plot--the rollercoaster-like sagas.  The Japanese culture.  The enlightening comedy.  The beauties, insecurities, achievements, and maneuvers of the characters.  The life lessons. The art.  The color.  The effects.  Throughout my entire experience watching anime, I have learned that nothing that I say I cannot do is impossible, that when I have nothing but myself and want to make a change, I have to smile, and be the most passionate I’ve ever been, that if I am interested in something, the “cannot's” are meaningless; I’ve learned to never carry a burden alone, and that true love can accomplish the impossible.  Not to mention, the art style and effects most Japanese anime artists use during a heat packed battle, riles me up almost like I am at a soccer game.  The protagonist’s eyes glistening with passion, creatively motivates me to draw anime characters, and to be ardent in everything I do.  Especially during this pandemic, anime has been--and will continue to be--one of the main characters of my emotional life’s movie.  
        
        Lastly, to learn more about what makes anime so entertainingly engaging, I read online mediums on which anime watchers describe some fun experience(s) they've had with anime.  Some--who were introverted in real life--said that anime had sparked real life conversations with others; the fact that both the more timid people and the people they talked with watched “Kimetsu No Yaiba” for example, had given them a real life friend with common interests and made them more sociable.  Although I am an extrovert, I can relate to the fact that speaking about anime with others has always forged a bridge to their friendship.  

        The unvarnished truth? I love anime.


Message to Readers

---- Please provide me with whatever feedback you feel fit ----


Peer Review

As someone who loves anime (Yuri on Ice! and Tokyo Ghoul are my faves!), I found this piece super relatable. Anime is just an incredible art-form, and there's a certain spontaneity and hilarity to it that isn't replicable in live-action (Tokyo Ghoul movie case in point). This essay was very well-written: your organization was on-point, and the piece as a whole was well-structured and concise. I love it!


Your thesis statement, or your main message, is super clear throughout this piece, and I think you could ground it a little more solidly in your introductory paragraph to match the rest of the essay. Your first paragraph gave me an excellent idea of how extensive anime is, but as a reader, I felt like I was being catapulted into a long list I couldn't quite make sense of at first. To help clarify this, consider restructuring your paragraph to give readers a good gist of what'll happen in your essay. I don't want to seem like a grouchy old English teacher with dust stuck in my nose or something, but a generally helpful skeleton to keep in mind is 1. A interesting topic sentence (i.e. Out of all my loves in life, anime, or Japanese animation, has stayed with me the longest...) which leads into... 2. A little elaboration (i.e. What is anime?) Here's a great place to throw in your great list of how extensive anime is 3. And then your thesis statement (i.e. This is a really stupid example, and I'm sure you can write it much better, but "I love anime because 1. ______, 2. ________, 3.________") Another thing I would suggest is to consider strengthening your transitions between paragraphs. Now, this is a really hard thing to do, and I myself still struggle with thinking up good transitions. It's just so tempting to slap on a "Firstly" and a "Secondly" and a "Thirdly" and be done with it like a crappy PowerPoint presentation or those timecards from Spongebob. But, don't worry! I'm here to help. A little trick I like to use is to think of the last sentence of a paragraph as having a cute tail that leads into the first sentence of the next paragraph. I hope this isn't too confusing, but the tail can be anything, really, as long as it ties in smoothly to the next paragraph. For instance, when you end your second paragraph with a sentence about forgetting time while watching anime, you could try beginning the third paragraph with something like this, "And when my mom kindly reminds me of the timer that's long gone off, I can't help but ponder over what makes anime so entrancing, so captivating to me." Of course, that's just a suggestion, and you totally don't have to write it that way. Write it anyway you like, but keep the little tail analogy in mind, and I'm sure it'll turn out great! You could also consult a list of transition words, as this one (https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/transitions/). I don't usually like to use those, since they sound so mind-boggingly template-like, but they're great for reference and first drafts. And lastly, I'd really love to see some more vivid examples. You provide a great example in paragraph 2, about Astro Boy and his impact on you, and I'd love to see you sprinkle more concrete examples as these throughout your essay. This was an awesome essay, and I absolutely loved it. Writing essays can be frustratingly hard. Just remember that nothing has to be perfect from the first draft, and revision (accompanied with breaks and snacks, of course) can make a piece go a long way.


Reviewer Comments

Keep up the fantastic writing! I'd love to read this piece again if you choose to revise it, and as always, feel free to ask any questions. I'll be happy to answer them! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧