HelpMe512

United States

Pan/Ace
He/Him
Transphobes stay out
Joined September 2019

"If I wait 'til my tomorrow comes, is the waiting all I've ever done?"
-Ben Platt

Message from Writer

"It's alright, it's okay. You're not a monster just human and you made a few mistakes,"
-It's Alright by Mother Mother

"One page of the bible isn't worth a life,"
-The Village by Wrabel

"I thought you had me in prison this whole time, but I'm the one holding the key,"
-Intro III by NF

"A hundred bad days makes a hundred good stories and a hundred good stories makes me interesting at parties,"
-100 Bad Days by AJR

"With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist"
-Saturn by Sleeping At Last.

"They don't know the pain in love
Cause they love apathy
Maybe we are better off
Havin' tears so we can weep"
-Tears by The Tragic Thrills

would you still hold me if i said i'm not okay?

October 28, 2020

FREE WRITING

15

mom asks
are you okay?

i'm finally comfortable enough
to give an honest answer
no
i say
but then you ask
so many
questions

why?
is it me?
can i help?


i don't know
i don't know
you can
go
away

but the first question
lingers

why?

i wish i knew why
but i don't
depression is like that

but you want an answer
so you keep
asking

i want to scream
this is why i hid from you
this is why
i have to keep a smile
every
day
because you want
to fix it
to fix
me

and that means you think
that i'm
broken

mom i'm not broken
i'm a mess
i'm trying to be better
i'm stressed
i'm anxious
but i'm not
broken

right?

so when you ask me again
are you okay?

i need to answer
yes
because you don't want
a broken
child
and isn't that
all
i
am?
some late night (okay, it's not that late but whatever) thoughts to throw out there. some stuff i want to communicate but can't because depression and anxiety are tag-teaming me. some ranting about the frustrations of life.

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  • October 28, 2020 - 7:17am (Now Viewing)

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9 Comments
  • Jasmine khawar

    I feel the same,
    Its hitting me hard, maybe I can relate. I love the way you presented it, simply, delicately. So heart touching!! And deep...

    hope things will get okay for you. Sending all my love <3 Take care


    3 months ago
  • AbellePuppy34

    Oh, this is beautiful! So sorry you feel this way, but I know sometimes were not okay, and that's okay, if that makes any sense? Anyway, I know you said you can't communicate this, but I think you did an excellent job and I can tell exactly how you feel!


    3 months ago
  • Lilyaa

    This is so raw and I can relate so much with this. I absolutely love what I've seen of your writing and its all so real. I totally understand what its like to feel like your identity revolves around being broken but I promise it doesn't. You are so much more and you seem like an awesome person :)


    3 months ago
  • mirkat

    oh, this was so heartwrenching and even if i don't suffer from deppresion i feel down sometimes (idk maybe it is depression) and my parents ask and i just say fine. i'm doing fine. but i'm not so i guess we're all liers. soooooooo impactful. i get you, i do. you are not broken, though. you are figuring stuff out. and maybe.... eventually, when you feel comfortable, give this poem to your mom? idk.... i totally get the whole not trying to make your mom more stressed than she already is. well i'm hee if you need to talk. keep writing! <3 <3 ,3


    3 months ago
  • WordsSpeakLouder

    This hits. Communication is hard (you could try writing about it and having her read it if it's too hard to say things out loud), but I promise she doesn't think you're broken, she just doesn't want to see her kid hurting.
    It's okay to be not okay.


    3 months ago
  • mystifiedtulip

    Wow, this is very deep. I can feel your emotions just from reading this. And I too have some similar problems with depression, and when my parents ask if I'm okay or not, it's not necessarily easy to just say yes. Thank you for feeling the courage to share this with the WtW community! It makes me feel more comfortable that someone else is experiencing the same thing that I'm experiencing. ;)


    3 months ago
  • bookmagic

    So beautiful and sad and angry. I love it. And this is so true.


    3 months ago
  • Emi (Revival Year #NEWYEAR)

    This is so raw and full of emotions. It truly shows how hard a relationship with a parent can be when you're going through some stuff; I can relate to that. Hope you're doing better and I will pray for you.
    P.S. I love NF's music! Haven't heard Intro III yet but I will listen to it since it appeared on your message from writer. I like his music video for "Wake Up" a lot; if you haven't heard it, listen to it!


    3 months ago
  • 37_apollo

    First things first, this was amazing! The mood and tone are really clear in this piece and the feeling/story you as a writer (I think) were trying to get across really resonated with me. And last but not least, *hugs* because we all need them right now and deserve them, *hugs*


    3 months ago