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Message to Readers
Is there anything I can revise or improve? Please let me know, I really appreciate it!
The descriptions of the night through the lens of this character is vivid, personal and poignant. Her mannerisms are relatable and original. I understand the piece to provide a voice for the complexities and near- madness of our generation. This is extremely well written and paced perfectly.
I think you could consider eluding to the character's turmoil early on. You've already done this well but a small and specific extra adjective which may strengthen who the character is outside of the context of the party.
Wow! I was blown away by this piece. It is personal and relatable, technically perfect, and uses language to draw the reader in. I could suggest longer paragraphs for variation, but I'm sure you have used these short paragraphs for effect. Perhaps if it were longer, extended from the front, a long mundane prose could be effective. Congrats. I am excited to read more of your work. :)