Peer Review by BMW28 (United States)

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I wrote a ballad for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for a school assignment and thought I should share it with you

By: SunV


FREE WRITING

A young Wizard named Harry Potter
Was a bright little boy
He ran away in the twilight hour
For in his house, there was no joy

He made his way to the leaky Cauldron
On a bus that was named the Knight
“Kick it off Ernie!” The conductor said
And the bus disappeared from sight

He went to the platform with his friends
And Mr. Weasley pulled him aside
Warning him about Sirius Black
And the threat on his life

He met a new professor on the train
Who handed him a chocolate bar
And as the professor left the compartment
Harry mindlessly rubbed at his scar

Black broke into the castle twice
Shearing the Fat Lady’s portrait with his knife
The students all slept in the great hall
While the teachers searched throughout the night

Buckbeak the Hippogriff was to be executed
Under the invisibility cloak Harry went
To provide company to Hagrid on that evening
But there was a turn of events

Ron found scabbers wandering the grounds
And chased him till the Whomping Willow 
A black dog appeared out of nowhere
And dragged Ron into a hole

Harry and Hermione ran behind him
Intent on finding their friend
When they saw was not just Ron
But the presence of a man behind them

The professor from the train came in next
His wand trained towards Harry’s chest
Once Harry got up and stood back
Sirius Black confessed

Ron grudgingly gave his rat to Remus
But the rat too turned into a man
He cowered at the sight of his old friends
And the story began

It was not Sirius who had killed his parents
It had been Peter all along
Although everyone believed otherwise
Everyone’s beliefs were wrong

Finally Sirius could be free
And all wrongs would become right
But the incident too a turn for the worse
For the moon was full that night

Harry ran after his Godfather
Who had fallen through the trees
He cast a patronus at the dementors
And then himself fell to his knees

He woke up an few hours later
Only to go back in time
He, along with Hermione
Stopped countless wronged crimes

They freed Buckbeak and took him along
To Flitwick's office in the west tower
Where Sirius was being held captive
Until he would be kissed by the dementors

Sirius escaped on Buckbeak
To places that were unknown
And later, on the train
Harry got his hogsmeade village permission form

Remus Lupin resigned
After the incident in the night
He knew he posed a danger
To every child in sight


And Harry’s third year ended
With new connections to his Mum and Dad
It wasn’t the best year ever
But with what had happened, he couldn’t be sad

So, this was for an English assignment.... I've also rewritten the story in Sirius Black's perspective.... Maybe I'll publish that too....

Message to Readers

What do you think?


Peer Review

I really enjoyed the retelling in this format. I love harry potter and fantasy stories are always so good in verse. The flow was excellent. I could read the rhythm.


One of the best things about poetry is its ability to illict emotion. This is why poets usually prioritize the feeling of a poem over the events taking place. This poem did a great job of retelling the story but I could feel the emotion as deeply as I wanted to. Talk about harry's relationship with Sirius, hagrids relationship with buckbeak, lupins relationship with himself. Give me some stanzas that are just raw emotion. I know you can do it because I can tell you are a good writer and are really passionate about this story.


Reviewer Comments

Any time their were slant rhyme I commented. Slant rhymes are a pet peeve of mine, but alot of great poets (e.g. Emily Dickenson) use them. So if you are okay with slant rhymes, just disregard those.