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Message to Readers
I don't know if I like this or not...
This was such an interesting concept! I really loved the idea of a ghost dance teacher visiting the halls of his academy, and I loved how you describe his invisible passage and his inner agony at having to pace unseen. It all gets even better when you mention in the footnotes that your piece is based on a true ghost story. Ooo...creepy.
Honestly, there isn't much I would comment on--the organization flows really nicely, and I felt a good connection with Mr. Allen, even though he's a ghost! However, I think this piece could be made even better if you considered introducing more variety in your sentence structure, connecting your sentences a little more, and expanding your descriptions of scenery and characters. For instance, in your first paragraph, you introduce Mr. Allen ascending the stairs from the basement. Each sentence is well-written and uses super vivid imagery, but to improve and enliven this paragraph's flow, I would suggest varying your sentence length and structure. Rather than writing uniform sentences, I suggest trying different shapes and sizes (i.e. short...long...long...short...long...long...long). Of course, you don't have to keep a fixed formula of sentence length in mind. The key thing to remember is to introduce variety. I find that the best way to determine whether a paragraph needs more variation is to read your piece aloud. When you write your first draft, don't bother with grammar pretensions and ponderings (or GPP, as I like to call it), but just go ahead and get all your awesome ideas on the page. Then, try reading your finished draft aloud. You don't have to be Morgan Freeman or some person on Audible, but just read slowly and naturally. Reading aloud, you'll be able to catch any awkward-sounding sentences or blocky paragraphs, and even minor typos and grammatical errors you might have missed while scanning quickly. Besides sentence variety, I would suggest connecting some of the separate phrases you've sprinkled throughout this piece (i.e. The cracked and peeling walls. The folding chairs placed at awkward angles. etc.) Don't take me wrong, short phrases as these can be very powerful, but I'd advise not to overuse them, as this can make a paragraph sound a little choppy. And lastly, I feel that this piece would be even more impactful if you expanded your descriptions a little more. For instance, when Mr. Allen opens the ballroom door, it would be awesome if you described the girls' reaction in more detail--their dancing, their initial reaction of fright, relieved smiles on their faces, their laughter, their returning to dance. This is just a suggestion though, so if you think this isn't applicable, feel free to ignore it!
Keep up the fantastic writing! I found this story super interesting, and I absolutely loved the concept. If you do choose to revise this piece again, I'm down to re-read it. <3