mirkat

United States

she/her
est. 10/15/20
14│INFP-A││poet│film kid│old soul

we're all just trying to find our way through...
see you on the other side.

Have an ineffable day! Look at my message board!
I can't express how much I love it here...

<3<3<3

Message to Readers

Look at footnote-- maybe review if you are so inclined?

onism

October 22, 2020

FREE WRITING

26

i.
does anyone else turn on the music/ and dance alone in their bedroom?
feet move slowly, tapping on the cold hardwood floor/ arms sway/ eyes close
feel the music envelope you/ become you
lose yourself in the music/ and then just drift

ii.
is anyone else as/ lost as i am?
i don't even know if i'm moving forward/ backward/ or some other manifestation of a direction
i don't know who i am anymore/ why i'm here/ how to get back to before
i need to know that i am/ loved/ not just by my parents or brother/ but by someone else/ someone more
someone who sees/ all of me/ and can drag me out of my mind and my body and the stars/ so that i may find/ myself once more

iii.
is anyone else/ trapped between the/ world and themselves?
i want to meet expectations/ and go out with my friends
but the earth/ is in need/ of healing
and i am in need/ of relief
relief of my heavy soul/ and broken thoughts
i want to be "normal"/ yet unique/ and make my lasting mark on the world

iv.
does anyone else feel the/ weight of their soul?
heavy and full/ of dreams/ that i wanted so badly long ago
sitting there/ inside of me like/ rain waiting to fall and fall from a/ swollen cloud
i don't know what to feel/or think/ or dream
i have new fantisizes now/ and new hopes/ for the world/ but i know in the end/ we're as good as doomed

v. 
does anyone else have an/ aching heart? 
i almost can't describe it/ but my heart aches/ and my stomach tingles when i think of all the hate/ and the treachery/ and the hope/ and the beauty/ in this astral world
i want to heal the/ gashes and wounds/ of this broken earth
i want/ i need/ i feel/ i have/ all of these strange, half-formed emotions

vi.
does anybody really/ know what they/ feel?
i don't
all of these thoughts/ and feelings/ and aches/ and pains/ and wonderings/ and questions/ are me trying to make sense of the world 


 
onism: the frustration of how little of the world you’ll experience

Please help me out with this piece!!! I basically just barfed what I was feeling onto the page and it needs a lot of work. Any suggestions help. If you liked this piece please leave a comment below.
- How did you feel when you read this? 
- Answer my questions in the poem?
- ANything I could improve?
- Is there a better word than "onism" to describe how I how wrote this/ what I was feeling?
- Sentences that stood out to you?
Thank you thank you thank you. <3 <3 <3

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29 Comments
  • Remaking_The_World

    Also, I may be a little late as I'm sure you got lots of reviews, but I just submitted one.


    about 1 month ago
  • Remaking_The_World

    This piece is so well-written and relatable! I think onism is actually the perfect word to describe it! Reading it is kind of an out-of-body experience in itself. I feel a lot of these things all of the time and it's one of those pieces that kind of speaks to your soul. I especially like the 3rd and 4th stanzas! Wonderful job!


    about 1 month ago
  • JustAnotherDarling

    Sorry I'm so late, but I finally submitted the review! hopefully it gets to you soon :)
    happy friday!


    about 1 month ago
  • Sam_the_Sham

    re: i thought the "year in the life" was fine. i liked getting to see luke and lorelai get married, though the cliffhanger at the end bugs me because it will forever be a cliffhanger. i doubt they'll make another one. though, a spin-off with paris or april would be fun. man, paris was intense. i think i'd rather see april. did we see her at all in the "year in the life"? it's been a while, but i don't think so.

    as for this piece, it's amazing for being "word vomit", as you said. i would've never guessed. i felt somewhat understood while reading it, in a way. i feel a lot of that stuff, so knowing i'm not alone is cool. i don't think there's anything to improve on really. it's really good. "onism" is a perfect word. thanks for including a definition of it lol.
    anyway, that's all i have to say. have a good rest of your day!


    about 1 month ago
  • Bhavya's Treasure

    Re: Indeed! Voting is indispensable.
    You're welcome always!
    Thanks for being my sweet sister. :)
    And please keep moving me because I'm neglecting exercise completely. XD


    about 1 month ago
  • abby.a

    re: thank you so much!! your comment made my day! :)) I hope you have a wonderful day, you deserve it.

    THIS PIECE.... WHAT THE HECK HOW IS IT SO GOOD??? it's beautiful.. pretty much everyone has already said what i'm thinking, so i won't be repetitive, but wow...


    about 1 month ago
  • mindfruit

    Wow, this piece is so beautiful. I have a whole lot of other comments, but I want to save some for the review!


    about 1 month ago
  • Bhavya's Treasure

    Answer to the first question is 'Yes!' That's fun, no? It kinds of give me some space and exercise. XD
    For the rest, I think the ans. is 'No.'

    Since my answer to the last question is no, how can I tell you what I felt after reading this piece? XD
    Okay, jokes apart, I felt as if this piece is echoing your heart, allowing me to peek into a part of you that is unseen by the world until now.
    I learnt the meaning of 'Onism' today and I believe it goes well with your piece. :)

    I want to be "normal"/ yet unique
    That's my favourite and very relatable!!!

    Also, did you mean 'fantasies' instead of 'fantasizes'?

    Re: Thank you so much! Suddenly, this idea of making Wind and Trees, a couple came to my mind and I used 'flirting' for the wind since it brushes past the trees and make them dance to her (its) own musical beats. :))
    Indeed, these interactions are pretty good!
    Have a great day!


    about 1 month ago
  • SunV

    First; this is absolutely beautiful. I cannot stop reading it.

    To your questions:

    1. I felt like someone else understood me. Like there are others our there who are just like me.
    2. Though I suck at dancing, yes I do that a lot. I always feel like I am lost, without anywhere to go. I want to see the world, but I don't. Sometimes I feel like I'm a balloon, that's going to burst at anytime. I do feel so, my heart aches for longing. And above all, there is so much I am still trying to figure out.

    3. This is beautiful. I don't think anything more is required for this.

    4. The name is also amazing. I didn't know the meaning of it, so it drew me in.

    5. My favourite lines are: feel the music envelope you; all the hate/ and the treachery/ and the hope/ and the beauty; i want to be "normal"/ yet unique/ and make my lasting mark on the world


    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Yerp


    about 1 month ago
  • Lata.B

    Re- Yes it is the first book!! Thank you so much!! You are so sweet!!! :)
    and why.... why is this literally exactly how I feel. Wow I love the way you put this!


    about 1 month ago
  • JustAnotherDarling

    Gosh, I don't think I am ever getting over this piece. I feel as though you've stolen my inner-most feelings, put them into words, and spread them into art. I am going to review this either today/tomorrow!
    Re: lol yes, I suppose it was a lot of 's' words :) and THANK YOU SO MUCH! you mentioned one of my favorite lines from the poem and now i'm really happy and proud :D <3


    about 1 month ago
  • Mpm#1

    Re: also thank you. I needed that! <3


    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thank you for being open to my comment. :) Not sure what you mean by that (His omniscience?) I believe that Jesus is the only Way, but obviously I can't force you to share my beliefs lol.


    about 1 month ago
  • lochnessie

    re: thank you!!
    this is awesome!! my favourite lines were
    "does anyone else have an/ aching heart?
    i almost can't describe it/ but my heart aches/ and my stomach tingles when i think of all the hate/ and the treachery/ and the hope/ and the beauty/ in this astral world
    i want to heal the/ gashes and wounds/ of this broken earth
    i want/ i need/ i feel/ i have/ all of these strange, half-formed emotions"
    i love all of this. it's so intensely relatable, and beautiful.


    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    "i need to know that i am/ loved/ not just by my parents or brother/ but by someone else/ someone more
    someone who sees/ all of me/ and can drag me out of my mind and my body and the stars/ so that i may find/ myself once more"
    Wow, that part hits me right in the feels. It's such an innate thing to need, isn't it?
    Just saying, but God is so so good at that. You probably don't want to hear this, but please bear with me. I can feel His incredible love so intensely and freely, and I'm just desperate to share that with you, especially since I see that you desire it so much.
    I hope I haven't offended you, but I couldn't help myself saying that. It's my reason for being.


    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thanks so much! You have a great day too. :)


    about 1 month ago
  • Mpm#1

    Re: If I had my choice I would like to be referred to as “her royal majesty: the Grand High Banana of New York” but that’s a bit long. You could call me Mpm#1 or motor oil. :)
    This is a lovely piece! Souls can get so heavy sometimes... that dreadful feeling when they feel like they’re so heavy they’ll fall right out of your chest. Beautiful piece overall!


    about 1 month ago
  • chasing sunsets

    This is stunning!! I don't think I can even choose a favorite line XD


    about 1 month ago
  • Jpotts

    This is powerful, resonates with me dearly, onism; perfect title, you are not alone, we all feel a little lost sometimes.


    about 1 month ago
  • A Certain Type of Decisive

    There is a lot of poetry that tries to be like this, but I think this is it. It felt familiar, but new, which is what poetry is about for me, personally. These are questions people internalize, asking themselves, but putting together creates a new feeling. We wonder if we're alone in the world, wondering if anyone else feels the way we do. I think if you want to expand on that theme, you might try repeating some lines so they're similar, but not the same. Idk about the word "onism" it feels like a vocab word on a test and leaves the reader wondering what it means until you see the footnote. All around, I love the poem, you did a great job :)


    about 1 month ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    ofc i'll give you the link! here: https://sites.google.com/view/gossamerlit/home?authuser=0 we're interested in seeing your writing there!

    ps. this is gorgeous.


    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: thank you for the support


    about 1 month ago
  • Spiral Dragon

    Re: thanks for your comment. It’s nothing, really. A lot of users who have been here for longer would probably agree with me when I say that WtW’s community has changed. It prolly happened around the time they made drastic changes to the guidelines, as lots of very experienced writers migrated to Prose...


    about 1 month ago
  • Spiral Dragon

    Wow, I love this piece


    about 1 month ago
  • ~Zoe N~

    Beautiful, I love this


    about 1 month ago
  • ambedo & sugar cookies (#holidayvibes)

    I LOVE ONISM AND THE DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SORROWS! This is beautiful and resonates with me. Heart wrenching and raw and true.


    about 1 month ago
  • Jasmine khawar

    Wow! I love it so much! It's just perfect, I don't think anything should be changed <3<3<3


    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    this is PERFECTION i absolutely LOVE IT ahhhHHHHHHHHHHH <33333333

    i answer yes to all the questions except the last one lol
    this can't improve because it is legit PERFECT <333333 ;)


    about 1 month ago