Peer Review by mooncake (Canada)

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it is quiet

By: chrysanthemums&ink


FREE WRITING


and for the first time, it is quiet

i brush away the dew clinging to your eyelashes, and it is sweet. nothing moves, even the air does not disturb us in this place. i can hear the distant blares of a siren, but i do not tremble to it. it smells like fresh air, like breathing the sky in and blowing it out in sheets of glass. the dirt stirs around us, the grains compressing against our skin like brown sugar. i press our temples together in the grass, and it is cold but not unbearably so. the surface of your lips ripple in the wind, the chapped sheen breaking into islands. i can no longer hear anything but your sighs, soft and intangible. i lay and i admire you from the side. it is cold. my body has grown numb, and as nature shifts around us, i remove everything in the world but you, me, and the sky. the sky is blue, it looks so big above us. so so big. you smile, i smile. i squeeze your hand. 

it is quiet. 


 

it is quiet

Message to Readers

i was watching videos of txt and a huge wave of nostalgia hit me. also, bts music is going to be the death of me, i'm farsick.


Peer Review

The first sentence of this piece was definitely the one that brought me into reading this! Silence is a very interesting thing in that it can mean a multitude of different things, so I was very excited to learn about what your quiet meant! Additionally, I love the highly descriptive metaphors and comparisons you created (I added some highlights to show the areas I loved most!). You have crafted vivid imagery for all of us readers, which is always great to see. Your sentence structure is beautifully woven, and all in all this is an extremely beautiful piece! It is well tied up also, so that makes it an even more satisfying read.


While this piece is already so beautiful, I have a couple of comments/suggestions for you! Keep in mind that this is YOUR piece, and is supposed to reflect you. Take everything I say with a grain of salt; if my review doesn't line up with your ideology of when you were writing your piece, ignore it! It won't help enhance your idea, so just bare with me, everything I say is coming from an outsider's perspective. I think that adding even more descriptions to further enhance your already beautifully articulated piece will help to amplify the imagery that is already happening within this piece. Imagery is definitely the most dominant rhetorical device being used in this piece, and it is being used HIGHLY effectively, so increasing the imagery even more would be my biggest comment on making your piece even better. If I'm being completely honest, this piece is so well written that I don't have any more advice for you off the top of my head. A recommendation from me to you would be to slowly reread your work, emphasizing each and every word, and seeing if there'd be any words that you'd like to change to once again magnify the meaning within the piece.


Reviewer Comments

You've got quite a lot going for you! This is such a beautiful piece of literature, I am so glad that I had the pleasure of reading and reviewing this!