Peer Review by storie_bird (Rwanda)

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Kingdom of Light

By: Anna_19


FREE WRITING

There's a place out there,
That never darkens.
A kingdom that plays in the wind,
And doesn't have tears to fall.
A city that laughs in the sun,
And never has hurt to show.
A place that loves with the seasons,
And can't place any blame.
A realm that only has joy,
And no blue except in the rainbow.
A country that has no clouds,
And no rain to flood the Earth.
A province that has only stars,
And no darkness to show them.
A nation where one is all,
And all are one through everything.
An empire of family,
And lets nothing but joy in.

There's a kingdom out there,
It's called the kingdom of light,
Where beauty is a precious thing,
And everybody has it.
Where life is a valuable thing,
And nobody takes it away.
Where money has no price,
And cannot buy happiness.
Where pain does not rule,
But is still there enough to show.
The kingdom of light was built on pain,
But sadness doesn't rein to hate.

Thanks for reading, and as always, keep writing!

Peer Review

I have been delighted by how you 'invent' and 'use' new metaphors and symbolism in describing this Kingdom that is so lovely! I tried highlighting a few of them but they are all superb!


There are a few places that presented confusion, I highlighted them and left a few descriptions as well as suggestions for some. And also, If you could work on your ending once more, in the first lines, you show us how this place is one of joy and no sadness but you end saying that pain is there; this leaves me with some confusion after I read the last lines.


Reviewer Comments

It was relieving reading through your piece, hope you find my suggestions helpful! and yes, they are all suggestions, feel free to pick out what works for you!
Thanks and keep up the great works!