Room of Mine

FREE WRITING

Someone has bottled despair
And poured it into my existence
Someone has put out the flame
That once was my resistance

Mourning, solemn gray
Has conquered the once blue sky
Someone has silenced the sun
And out out the stars' last cry

And so I am stuck
In this dark, dank room of mine
Day and night mingle
Dream and reality intertwine

I see the ghost of sunlight
Through a tiny window
I see an once prominent
Promise of tomorrow

But what's the point, I think,
Of useless hopes and dreams?
The moment you reach out a hand
They tear at the seams

And so I stay
In this dark, dank room of mine
Not caring that I am going down,
Drowning in the brine

And yet, the sunlight lingers
Dancing behind the glass
Still I give a blind eye,
Knowing that it will pass

But it stay through today
And stretches out to tomorrow
And despite my truer conscience
I wonder if I should follow

Because, well, can I really stay
In this dark, dank room of mine?
I suppose I should admit it:
My life is anything but fine

And so with mounting effort,
I look up at the gleam
And for the first time in eternity,
I start to dream

And then, I take flight!
Soaring through the skies
Color seeps back into me
My worry and doubt dies

And then I see something new
In this dark, dank room of mine
A door to another place
Dare I cross it?

Yes, I think it's time.

Peer Review

What about this piece delighted, surprised, or moved you?

To believe that your room has so much power, you have such a vivid imagination in your own bubble -- which is your room. What really moved me was the progression of the poem - the overall flow. I loved how it was solemn and gray, you wouldn't expect there to be some sort of happy ending. But then as the poem continues to go on, the fact that the narrator takes a risk as things start turning up, I love it so much!

What else would you like to know? Where might the writer deepen an idea or question? Would additional details invite you further into the writing?

I'd like to know more about what caused it, like metaphorically. What caused the sky to become gray, which made the stars suffer enough to make one final cry. To have made the narrator so stuck. For the most part, there was such a nice flow that there wouldn't be a lot more to add!

Reviewer Comments

Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece like this. I'm truly looking forward to more amazing pieces! I was able to relate heavily and continue with the amazing writing dear