Anne Blackwood

United States

16
Christian
Theatre kid
Singer (soprano)
Poet
Twin (fraternal)
Spoonie
Disfusive
Highly Sensitive Person
Living oxymoron
Kindness Krusader: Blueberry cotton candy
XXFJ, Melancholic-Sanguine, ambivert

Joined 1/16/20

Message to Readers

Update: I just experienced something that surprised me. I was watching a video, and an Arab started speaking. This has never happened before, but as soon as I heard his voice, every part of my body visibly relaxed. I don't know where he was from, but hearing him brought me right back to hazy memories from my childhood with my mom and at "the Arabic church", which is the nickname we gave to a church we used to visit every now and then that has Arabic services.

lack of (un)rest

October 12, 2020

FREE WRITING

13

    i think my mind was supposed to have an internal conflict
about my heritage by now
but i've already gone through the getting-older crisis
and there's no struggle about my mixed identity in sight
    maybe it's because i don't feel arabic
my mom fled country, culture, and cruelty    (pain followed anyway)
everything she is belongs to her, not a nation some don't even believe in
accent and actions are just mom to me
(and i've always preferred hebrew names)
    i've visited her country of history and tradition
and i never fit in amongst tongue-clicking, coffee-drinking relatives
but i never expected to    (they were them, and i was just... me)
my passport claims i belong to that place across the sea
i don't know if that is true
    i don't look like them, talk like them, act like them
and that kind of acceptance is supposed to follow a storm
i'm just a piece of a puzzle i can't find
(perhaps dissonance is the extent of my cultural pain)
My mom is an Arab from Israel. My dad is an American with 100% Irish bloodlines. Weird, huh? I only recently realized that makes me mixed-race.
The line about my passport is due to my dual citizenship. Even though I wasn't born there, since my mom was a citizen when I was born, I get to be an Israeli citizen.

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  • October 12, 2020 - 11:15pm (Now Viewing)

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13 Comments
  • Written wintermagic (#holidayvibes)

    I can't relate, but I think it's pretty cool that you have a duel-citizenship. Great vocabulary by the way. And also, I totally think that you're the kind of puzzle piece that just fits everywhere like a skeleton key.


    about 2 months ago
  • Emi

    I totally understand this. I always feel so conflicted because my one side of the family is full of really tough PA Dutch people, and then the other side is the emotional Latin people who hug and kiss everyone (though my grandfather on that side is pretty tough and opinionated too). That's cool that you have dual-citizenship though. I guess if America is wrecked you can head over to Israel, heh heh (I've always wanted to go there).


    about 2 months ago
  • RemovedUser1

    Wow, wow, wow! This is amazing! I never knew you were a dual citizen! That’s so cool! But this is beautifully written, and I love the formatting. I also love how you used the word “dissonance.” Great, great job!
    Replying: WHAT?!? *jumps up and down excitedly* That’s so cool!! What were you there for? I can’t believe you saw Candace Owens in person!!! I’ve been listening to her show a lot now, XD! Youth for Owens, XD!!!!
    Speaking of the great migration, I think I got here right when the rules were set in place. I’ve seen a few social posts, but they always mention the new rules. I wish I could’ve been here, that would’ve been cool. And if there wasn’t a community atmosphere, the only alternatives are a crappy site or a fancy site. I think I would’ve liked the community better. But, we can still find ways to sneak past the new rules, XD!


    about 2 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Rudolph’s Defender #holidayvibes)

    Re: WOW! So cool! I bet you had an amazing time!!!!! I’m glad you’re doing well!


    about 2 months ago
  • ambedo & sugar cookies (#holidayvibes)

    This piece is so interesting and captures a contrast of feelings between how you thought you should feel and how you actually feel.
    Re: I wish I'd been here before the Great Migration. Would have been cool!


    about 2 months ago
  • JustAnotherDarling

    at the heart of it, (to me), the one thing you belong to is yourself. maybe that allievates some inner confusion? (because I'm also quite often torn over who I'm supposed to be) But anyways, I think it's beautiful that you are a part of many worlds, and it's always lovely to get to know you better :) <3


    about 2 months ago
  • Doodleninja

    re: ahaha thank you! yeah, you're absolutely right :)


    about 2 months ago
  • Doodleninja

    I love the formatting of this, and some of your phrases in here, especially the last one, are so beautiful and heartfelt. Wonderful piece!! Got to know a little bit more about you :) <3


    about 2 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: well my grandparents on my dad's side are jewish, and they also live in england where my dad was born. so i have a british citizenship


    about 2 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: or... kind of? i have a british citizenship


    about 2 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: oh! no i'm not, but about half of my family is jewish and hebrew-speaking but i've been raised without religion. so i thought this was relatable because i've always felt a bit out of place with some of my family


    about 2 months ago
  • lochnessie

    this is amazing and very relatable actually


    about 2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    wow, this is really interesting! I love your writing, and the story behind it is really cool as well!! Great piece!!!


    about 2 months ago