Peer Review by Cosmogyral (United States)

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When I look to the world ... [FINAL]

By: Chloe :) <3


When I look to the world, I am filled with a deep sadness about what I can hope our future might be. We see the leaders of our countries, so consumed by politics that, they fail to come together but rather choose to bicker and argue about trivial things. How can I be hopeful if our own leaders cannot get along?

When I look to the world, I see that only 127 women, hold seats in the United States Congress, but there are 535 members and women make up over 50% of the population. Where are the role models, for all those girls who want to one day move into politics?

When I look to the world, I know that as of right now only 6 countries give women equal legal work rights as men, so when I am older, when I can vote and get the chance to make something of myself despite hard work and effort I may never be taken as seriously for being born a girl. 

In the year 2020, why is it still considered normal and ok for people to define others by their physical worth? 

As a teenage girl, a 15-year-old in the middle of high school I feel so privileged to live in a country where I can get an education and go to school. And then I look half-way around the world to know that women in rural parts of Africa spend 40 billion hours a year collecting water. Yet still, I see a glimmer of hope when I see someone like Malala stand up for what is right. Malala at a very young age was shot in the head by the Taliban for simply wanting to go to school. Thankfully, miraculously, after the attack, she survived. She so famously said, “When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful.”

As a teenage girl, I am so excited to drive, but I better be careful because if in a crash I am 47% more likely to suffer severe injuries in car crashes because safety features are designed for men.
 
For wanting equal rights I am considered to be a feminist and taught that it’s a bad thing. In society, the word is used interchangeably with hating or putting down men. The definition of feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of the equality of both genders. Feminism is Gender Equality. Equality, not domination. Not one gender dominating or competing against the other but rather everyone being equal. But why aren’t we just born equal? This misconception that men are stronger than women has existed for so many generations it is now accepted as fact rather than fiction.

In the 21st century the inequalities that should never have existed are still present, everywhere, even though throughout history, time and time again, women have shown that they are just as capable in every field and their gender, religion, ethnicity, or background is no excuse for being devalued by society.

However, even the leaders of our countries seem to think it's ok to treat women differently. In 2012, Julia Gillard gave a very famous speech about misogyny and sexism in response to Tony Abbot's motion.  To quote directly from Miss Gillard's speech ...  

" And then a discussion ensues, and another person says “I want my daughter to have as much opportunity as my son.” To which the Leader of the Opposition says “Yeah, I completely agree, but what if men are by physiology or temperament, more adapted to exercise authority or to issue command?” "

How can we have hope for an equal future with leaders who think it's acceptable to treat women or any other gender as inferior?

These views passed through generations and generations of people should never have existed. And so, I leave you with a quote from Miss Hillary Clinton - "If there is one message that echoes forth from this conference, it is that human rights are women's rights.... And women's rights are human rights." Women are equal to men so society must open up its eyes and change not in the future, not tomorrow, not next year. Change starts with you and me and change starts now because this inequality has got to end!


 


Message to Readers

Would love feedback, comments, reviews anything? Hope you like it ~


Peer Review

I'm actually really glad you wrote your speech on sexism, not many writers here actually feel mature enough to enter such a topic.


I try not to be aware of the issue of privilege and sexism because it often hurts to think about it. I think that the more I think, the more aware I am, the more invisibly guilty I'll become. Reading your speech, I know I can't ignore it, and now I want to invest in it now more than ever. We can't have the same on running problem and bring the next generation up thinking that it's okay.


Be careful about how much information is expressed, narrow down numbers so they won't be a mouth full, and be sure to communicate your desired tone.


Don't spiral off-topic when getting passionate about the subject, that is often the downfall of a speech


Reviewer Comments

Stay passionate, you're doing great. Suggestions are just suggestions, and that's all a review is. I really hope to at least see this at least as a finalist.